im sending this passage with the same title again..
well..im sending this message just to speak up my mind -which i believe that its a healthy habit- but like all the healthy habits we dont start considering them until we cross to the other unhealthy-side.

Simply.. i noticed that my reactions to things had changed.. i use to express my self all the time..like i used to use the word I FEEL before every segment of speech.. and now i dont feel anything.. for example, i had an extension added to my intership -i am an intership student by the way- and it like 5months since i knew that i will had an extension and tell that day i did not cry
-will this was my old reaction to failure- and yet, i feel the same amount of anger toward to my boss the moment she told me the news-, my self diagnosis to the issue that i did't get over it tell that day..
another issue, my lack of interest in everything i almost feel nothing toward anything and anyone, i use to view my self through movies, through my friends, and now i dont feel anything.. and yet i gained weight and enjoyed food like if it was my best friend, n one year i gained about 20 lb. and i hate it..
and to push everything to the limits, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer.. how that reflected on me ????!!!
i started hating the word aging, well i think about it whenever i see my father, i think about it knowing that i can't stop it nor deal with it..
i started using supplements and creams that were labeled as ANTI-AGING products..i use them im the name of health and vitality, yet i know that i use them to prevent my self of aging.... i hate that i cant support my father emotionally.. and because of this i feel so inadequate and worthless.

i know that this all sound like crap to you as a reader, but trust me my self esteem level is 0% while i am writing this..
i truly hate being emotional truly of everyone but i just want to regain that habit of speaking my mind.

chained_to_the_wind

i really dont think this is true... the first bit you said "I feel nothing..".. (smiles)... of course you do silly.. else you wouldn't be writing here...

i dont recommend viewing yourself through movies.. or through your friends.. or it having anything to do with what other people think or say about you..

you just have to be strong enough to decide for yourself and on your own.. "I'M OKAY!" .... Once this foundation is made.. things will happen to build and find your self esteem again...

and i encourage all people to speak their mind, and whatever it may be, right or wrong, you've just gotta go for it.. and can ONLY grow by it...

you should talk to your father in this way.. being open and honest about how you really feel.. you might find that you really do support him a lot more than you think.. and in ways which you didn't even know about.. i'm aging too.. i look in the mirror sometimes and think oh my God what's happening! lol.. but really... people i find to be beautiful or handsome are always those who have accepted and take confidence in themselves.. wrinkled with some grey hairs or not lol..

Wish you all the best

chained_to_the_wind.

fredg

Hi,
Have you had a physical checkup lately? I have one every year, around December. It lets me have the "peace of mind" that I'm OK physically!
Self-esteem can be had by all, but it takes practice. Try looking at and thinking about things that made you happy, at one time. Go back to those.
The past is gone and does hold regrets for some. The future can hold anxieties for some also. The present, today, is what is important.
Try doing some volunteer work, maybe at a local hospital, a Retirement Home, a Nursing Home. Giving of yourself will let you forget "yourself", and be a valuable person to others. That's what life is all about.....helping others, then your own feelings will get much, much better about yourself.
I do wish you the best.
PS; The answer before mine is very good; making me think about the "aging". I am 64 yrs old, married for 29 yrs to a wonderful lady. My life is just today....one day at a time. If I think too seriously about tomorrow, I know I am going to die.....we all do eventually. So, think about today, and what you can do to help someone.

Trigger76

This is pretty classic for depression. That would be the first place I would look. Try taking a free online assesment for depression. It's a tricky condition. If you tend to not get a lot of excercise, start walking briskly for as long as you can. Also, if you tend to watch or hear the news or other programming that forces you to hear or see negative things, turn it off, or wear earplugs to help filter it. Start with that for 2 weeks and see if you notice a change.