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    New start and I'm lost!!

    Asked Dec 5, 2005, 07:08 PM 6 Answers
    Hi! I am a mom of three in the verge of a divorce after 10 yrs, my ex was a boozer abuser and made me fear most things that I considered valuable in life like telling the truth, and communication. I know I lie and hate doing it, I don't lie to my kids, just my ex fear of him I guess. Im so scared of who I became. Ive been separated from my ex for 1 yr now and slowly dating a man with 2 kids himself. I moved to another province not to run away, start new. I am scared because of all the horror stories about blended families. His kids are spoiled with bad attitudes and my kids are disaplined and have rules, god its hard! Problems with exs, dealing with all the kids, $$$, but I like this guy a lot and want it to work, I need advice on a lot of things and have no one to talk to, I know my kids come first and am realizing this~~ blended families are hard and been through a lot in 27 yrs and all I ask for is happiness and the well being for my children!! Please help Leanne

    Last edited by mysticangel27; Dec 6, 2005 at 07:51 AM.
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    nymphetamine's Avatar
    nymphetamine Posts: 898, Reputation: 109
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    #2

    Dec 5, 2005, 07:53 PM
    Being a step child I can tell you it isn't easy being in a blended family. If you don't want to be a part of the wicked step mothers club then there are some things you need to know. Your man needs to be by your side on this too or else it will not work. Be fair. Step parents often over look what their own children do and only punish the step child. My step mother would chew my butt out if I walked out the house with my little shortie shorts on but then let her daughter wear what ever she wanted. Be loving and understanding towards your children and the step children this is just as hard for them as it is for you. Children can also pick up on things. My step mother always told my brother and I she loved us but the way she acted sometimes you couldn't tell. She would do little things like set her blood children's plates down gently on the table and then slam our plates down on the table with a hatefull look. I can only tell you things from a step child point of view. But your man needs to be there to help or this brady bunch thing is not going to work. Have a talk with him.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,054, Reputation: 10289
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    #3

    Dec 5, 2005, 08:40 PM


    Put your kids first, they don't need another abusive male in yor lives so take a lot more time and get to know this guy before committing your whole future. A year is hardly time enough to blend your families as you and your kids need to heal and this takes time.Do you need a man that bad that you would put the children in a bad situation ?After ten years you need to do for yoursef and your children and work on yourself, like I say a year is just to soon to jump back in the fire.Think about your children first not him and his.You owe it to yourself! Time is on your side If you have questions nows the time to get answers!
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    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,930, Reputation: 674
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    #4

    Dec 6, 2005, 04:01 AM
    What to do
    Hi,
    Just so you will know "where I'm coming from", I am 63, married 28 yrs now to a wonderful woman. My first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs.
    My first suggestion is to find a local Ala-Non meeting, and attend a few meetings. They are free, and talking with others who have lived and loved an alcoholic or addict, will be amazing for you, and you won't believe how much help you will get!! Others there will have similar experiences, with children.
    You said "it's been a year now", but the memories won't go away, and Ala-Non can help you with those.
    As far as marrying into a family of spoiled children, that is something you have to decide, and only you can make that decision. Please go to some of the free meetings, they can help.
    My own personal feeling is that 1 year is not long enough for you to be considering a "relationship" with anyone that might lead to another marriage; just yet. Being with an "abuser" for 10 yrs is going to take some time to get your life back together. You really don't need trying to take on another family right now, especially with problems involving another's children. They may or may not accept you, and you definitely will have problems with the discipline issues!
    I do wish you good lulck, and the best in whatever you decided.
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    mysticangel27's Avatar
    mysticangel27 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 6, 2005, 07:20 AM
    10 yrs with a loser abuser boozer... now I'm lost!
    I'm 27 mom of 3 children ages of 10 5 and 3... was with my ex husband for 10 yrs, now I've been alone for 1 yr and some.. he doesn't pay child support or intend too. Hes 31 yrs old dating a 18 yr old. We had property together and he kicked the kids and I out with nothing now he's selling everything and not giving us anything. I moved to another province for a change and don't know anyone here, hard to find a job here and I'm well educated. Im dating a guy that has 2 kids and its hard trying to make a blended family to work, god gives you what you can handle? Can I? Lol feels like I've had an "X" on my back all my life! Please help me goddess in trouble!!
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    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,930, Reputation: 674
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    #6

    Dec 6, 2005, 07:26 AM
    Selling property
    HI,
    Can you afford a lawyer? If your ex is selling property, then you might be legally entitled to half the money.
    I would talk with a local lawyer, even call one from the phone book, and ask what he/she would charge just to talk with you the first time.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,054, Reputation: 10289
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #7

    Dec 6, 2005, 03:52 PM
    I Hate To Beg!


    Fact#1 Its you and your kids Fact#2 you need child support conclusion;Get a lawyer like Fred says I will repeat take care of YOU and YOURS and leave other peoples mess ALONE.gIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE TO GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER,please!!
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