i am 20 years old and i have a problem. this is my first time posting a question on here, and i'm hoping to get some feedback. maybe some ideas that i haven't heard before.

see, i am generally a happy-go-lucky person. most people see me as a REALLY happy girl, and i would even say that i am happier than the average person. i get headaches from smiling so much and some people might say that i'm overlly friendly or to turn down my happiness level. i try and stay positive and pass that vibe along to others as much as possible...i have a passion for life and i LOVE who i am.

sadly, i really struggle with a LOT of worry. i don't like it at all. it is something that is really starting to effect my life in negative ways, more than it ever has. see, i've always been a thinker. i have been told by my therapist and my psychologist that i might be obsessive compulsive when it comes to thinking -- i can never turn off my brain. i don't mind that...but it can really get in the way sometimes, especially when i start thinking negatively.

i can stay manicly high for days..feeling extreme happiness and sometimes euphoric as if NOTHING can bring me down.. but when that high feeling goes away it is often followed with a crash of INTENSE emotions and i end up crying my eyes out for hours feeling like nobody in the world will ever understand me. each thought that i have in these moments feels like a knife stabbing me. i sometimes feel like i want to be invisible or dissapear from the earth. i have stated on several occasions that i feel like i am going to end up in an insane assilum -- literally. there is NO controlling me when i get like this..it usually ends with me hyperventalating and then an extreme calm comes over me.

both my therapist and psychologist think i might be bipolar because of the fact that my two attitudes consist of either extreme hapiness or extreme sadness.. there is no inbetween for me. most of the time i am happy like i said, but i would rather feel normal EVERY day and NEVER feel extreme happiness again if it meant i never had to feel that level of sadness.

i have taken mood stabilizers, ani depresants, and even some sedatives. but i HATE medicine. they seem to mess with my mind and make me feel physically sick more than anything. eew.

my anxiety/worry is getting in the way of so many things. i worry and dwell on things that the average person doesn't. i have stopped seeing my doctors because i feel like i'm getting nowhere. i feel so hopeless...yet i have a great life. i just want to be OK and stop all this stuff..i'm starting to feel worked up even now as i write. so i am going to stop writing.. i don't even know if these things i stated make sense. i'm out.

Lacey5765

I am sorry you are in such pain. If you feel that you didn't get the help you needed from your therapist and Dr please try another one. It sounds as if you may have bipolar dis or maybe not but at any rate you do need some help. it often takes more that one attempt to get medications right so don't give up. I understand that you don't like taking medications but think of it like this: It may be that your body does not make the right chemicals on its own. If you keep working with a Dr you will probably find a medication that works. There are a great many people who have this disorder and live great balanced lives so keep working at it. Again I can not diagnos you so please seek professional help. Good luck to you.

Tony J

You have given two examples of how you feel when you are not in your happy state. Is it anxiety? anxiety can be defined as a strong and unpleasant feeling of nervousness or distress in response to a feared situation, often accompanied by physiological effects such as nausea, trembling, breathlessness, sweating, and rapid heartbeat.

or is it depression? The condition of feeling sad or despondent.

Remember that you are paying a therapist for a service and if your needs are not being met you might consider a different therapist. do not feel as though you are letting your psychologist down by switching providers as most of us are not it counseling for the money but rather to help individuals.

Illusion

Well I had to read your comments several times to try and understand you.

There is something missing in your comments that needs to be clarified. You mention how you feel - extreme happiness, extreme sadness, worry, feeling hopeless. But - what has happened that you feel hopeless? That you feel worried?

People - and that includes you and me and everyone - do not just have feelings out of the blue. We are just not built that way that we suddenly feel hopeless. Your feelings are the result of 1) an experience, something that happened to you - something that has caused a painful reaction in you that then results in feelings of helpless or hopelessness, or fear, or anger, or sadness. We have experiences and then we have reactions to the experience that create feelings.

Are you aware of how you react to the things that happen in your life? When you become angry at something or someone? Are you aware when someone has hurt your feelings?

Sometimes therapy is necessary to find out about our feelings and reactions. You may not even be aware that something hurt you or angered you. You may not be acknowledging the experience and then your emotional reaction.

Or 2) you are suffering emotional turmoil because of the way you think. And sometimes this way of thinking comes from family and you may not even be aware of it because this is the way your family has always thought and believed. You may be thinking to yourself, I am hopeless, I have no future, I am a failure, etc. - that then results in feeling hopeless and in pain.

If you think - I live in extremes - either in extreme sadness or extreme happiness then yes, your emotions will fly from one end to the other. And if you think, I cannot control my thoughts, then yes, you will feel that you have no control. But it is not because you have no control in reality, it is that you are telling yourself I cannot control my thoughts. In truth, you are the only person in your body, the only person thinking. You are deciding what to think - it is just that you are telling yourself you have no control. See the difference just by making a simple affirmation such as, "My very being is at peace and calm."

I am glad that you are in therapy and are taking care of yourself. You need to work on not just how you feel, but your reactions - and taking special interest in how your experiences have created some of what you have talked about here. You are young and have much to offer to yourself and others.

However, one more thing before I go, please consult with your Doctors about PMS Syndrome. Yes, we have thoughts and feelings and all of that - and we need to address that, but sometimes the hormonal changes in your body can create the "extreme" feelings you describe.

Good luck to you and may divine guidance lead you to loving comfort and happiness. All that you need comes to you and all that you need to know is revealed to you. Bless you.

Balloons33

You rock! thank you soo much! i appreciate your time and help