I'm a 19 year old male. Four years ago at the age of 15, I did something really really stupid. Although I regretted doing it, I never dwelled on it too long and realized that I made a mistake and just moved on. About three weeks ago, the thought just randomly popped in my head, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I all of a sudden feel really really guilty about it, and just wish that the act was never committed. I also felt really compelled to tell my girlfriend about it, as she is my closest friend, but it would just do more hurt than good. She would dwell on this incident, and I'm afraid it would distance us. I never felt bad about not telling her before. It's like my mind has taken me over. I read about something called the "Thought Avoidance Paradox" which states that the more one attempts to stop thinking of something specific, the more one will continue to generate these mental images...it's often associated with OCD. Is it possible that I have OCD? I associate this incident with almost everything around me. Even if I keep my mind busy, it's always subconsciously there. It's ruining my once-well-appreciated view on everything beautiful in this world. Besides seeking professional help, does anyone have any other advice? Thanks.

_abcd

anyone?

sarah1989

what is it that you have done that was so bad if you dont mind me asking?

J_9

OCD is more of a repetitive disorder. Many people with OCD do things like wash their hands over and over again, have to repeat certain patterns (many times it is counting), or even checking...checking things like making sure the stove is off....the door is locked, etc.

It sounds to me like you are suffering from a guilty conscience from whatever it was you did, rather than OCD. OCD is something that literally takes over your life and makes it hard to function in any way.

gallivant_fellow

That thought needs to come out. You sound like you are feeling more and more guilty because of it. So guilty, that it's popping up everywhere. You should tell your girlfriend about it and get it off your chest.

N0help4u

I think as long as it has nothing to do with your girlfriend and your current relationship you should not tell her. The past is the past and nothing will change it unless it is something that can come back to haunt you in some other way like she finds out from somebody else.
I am sure that if it is something you did as a one time thing at 15 and never after that it can be chalked up to a childhood mistake that you learned from. If it is that serious maybe what you need to do is ask forgiveness from anybody that was directly involved.
If it is really bothering you maybe ask her questions that lead up to it. Like ask her how important is it to her about a boyfriends past and talk to her about get to know each other better type stuff before you come out and tell her.

babigirl1

No matter what it was that you did when you was 15. you need to find a way to deal with it. if you feel it will help you by telling her than you should. I feel if you keep having this haunt you than you need to deal with it , if you have to write it down and have it put on the front page of the daily news paper or climb the highest mountian and shout it out you have to deal with it. You cant let go of anything you have done until you understand why you did it in the first place. Everything happens for a reason. Deal with it and let it go. We all do things that haunt us. We just keep going and hope we will learn from life.