hey people,

i think i really need help. i have never been a confident person, but i have generally always been a happy person, until i was about 17 im now just 19. At 17 I met a lad and fell madly in love but he was an absolute idiot and knew i could never be with him. We text for well over a year, but nothing ever happened, we never even kissed. he started gettin bored...fair enough and got himself a girlfriend, which broke my heart, but nothing could happen between us so i had to accept it. i got over it and picked my life up again, but deep down i had never been happy as i liked this guy, but knew for many reasons we could go out. then a new guy started work this was only a couple of weeks ago and he was PERFECT, we started dating, and i discovered it wasnt perfect, we were the complete opposite, iv never been in a relationship, he has and he wanted me for sex and sex only. so i put him straight from the start which was hard because i liked him,

my problem is i become so emotionally attached to any guy that shows interest because i dont usually have guys. this second guy is a model, everybody in works wants him but he chose me and i threw it away which i regret now, because after i told him it wouldnt work but wanted to stay friends, he started sending me abusive messages saying he hated me, and telling me to F**k off and saying he never wanted to speak to me again. he has been telling people in work about me, and now i have people in work approaching me saying im out or order, when i have actually done nothing wrong.

since this second issue, i have never been the same, he has broken my heart and ripped my life apart. i wont leave the house, i sit in my house shaking and crying, i dont want to talk to anyone, i dont know how i could ever trust anyone again. and while im sat here receiving abuse from him i keep getting disturbing thoughts like my brain and heart is wondering what it would be like to be dead, and i tell myself its got to be better than what im going through now, and i want to hurt myself all the time because i hate myself so much because ive obviously hurt these guys and everyone hates me for that, so i hate myself and the only revenge i can think is putting myself through pain to make up for what ive put the lads through.

im also having a really tough time with my friends all moving away to uni, and my best mate has befriend another mate of mine and rarely speaks to me anymore, because she says im being antisocial. people tell me to just forget the lads, but i cant they have cracked me up so much that i cant cope and noone understands what im going through, i jus lock myself away and eat, and im noticably putting weight on in a week and i need to stop eating chocolate and crisps but i find it comforting.

my mum has been kind to me through all this, but theres only so much i can tell her, she is already disraught about the lad situation and i have caught her crying so many times, i dont dare tell her how i really feel and how depressed i actually am because i hate seeing her upset because of me!


does anyone have an advice?
please i just need someone to talk to!

man909

well u seem realy bothered about what he said about you i would just ignor it or talk to a doc about it. if not y not move to another area start new. Move near family and build up your life. try to work on a career you like and make new friends.

gallivant_fellow

A change of scenery won't fix your problems. You could run anywhere on earth and your emotions would still be with you. Finding the right person is sooo hard! I can understand where you're coming from. I'm 19 too and I was crying today about the thought that I might live my whole life without ever having a girl I love. It just sucks.

More teenagers go through it than you think. For instance, I heard about some really hot guy who was a model. He wanted to go out with this girl, but she didn't really want to. His ego was crushed for probably the first time and he got sooooo humiliated and broken up inside that he sent the girl angry messages and vented to everybody at work.

downdowndown

thanks guys, i know, ive been through it all with the first guy, and although i think to myself that i am over him, when i see him talking or with other girls, i cant help but feel slightly jealous. please don't take me wrong im not that sort of person, he needs to move on and i am happy for him, but its the second guy that has scarred me. i am still mates with the first guy and i cant thank him enough, but its SO much easier to stay friends, even if it just hello then totally blankin somone and sending them abusive messages and creating an awkward atmosphere.
the story you said sounds familiar to this situation, and from his point of view, yeah i have probably squashed his ego no end, but its not something i can feel ad about, atleast i didnt lead him on, or worst of all fall for him, sleep with him and regeret it even more.
its so weird though because after everythin ive been through i still sort of have some feelings for this second guy and i really miss him, and miss being able to see his smile (as he totally blanks me) its so hard in work, but he refuses to speak or read any message i send to try and explain how i feel. i just dont understand why i miss him when hes been so horrible?
but its like im loosing my friends in work to him, and i know work is work, my uni and career ahead of me is far more important, but i am the type og girl who wants to get on with everyone, the thought that he hates me breaks me up inside, and yet in work he wont speak or make eye contact, yet he stares non stop at me! its so bizarre!
i know im best off without him, but its so hard to come to terms with that and that is what i cannot deal with, because i miss the cuddles and miss the chats!

gallivant_fellow

I was talking about your situation

mogoverthemoon

you should'nt feel bad for standing by what u think is right and telling him no if he just wants sex, guys dont respect girls who dont respect themselfs, believe me.

i dont think you have put the lads through much pain as such, more dented thier egos, and some guys need putting in thier place somethimes ,

a few months ago i tryed to 'top' myself and trust me dont even think about it, i know how those thoughts kinda creep in but just try to do something to keep your mind off them, i jog now whenever i think about it and it works. girls dont 'like' me as such so i deal with my issue all the time.

hold your head up high and remember that us guys think with are di*** first and heads later. at some point that cute guy at work will hit himself for not treating you properly.

hope this helps

downdowndown

thanks for all your help guys, i hope it works too!
we were pulled into the office today and told we had to communicate on the shop floor, he gave me that sweet and sickly smile and it jus made me think im glad i got away from you when i did. people understand my story at work and see i am not in the wrong and cant believe how immature he is being over it all. but our manager reckons he really did like me, so therefore perhaps i have hurt him, but it was better to say it when i did than let it go on longer, and if he does/did like me its no way to get a girl if you treat her like that. i hope others reading this will see what some lads can be like, im not steretyping you, as im sure there are many girls out there who are the ones to blame, but in this case i have done nothing wrong. its gonna take time i know, i still have feelings for the guy and i dunno why, but ill get through it, i have to, and without your help guys i wouldnt be thinking so positively so thank you!