Yesterday my 15 yr old daughter attempted suicide and thank God, was unsuccessful. My question is this...
How do I talk to her or treat her when I go see her? I honestly can't say that would be before next week, as I just can't even consider going anywhere near the hospital yet. I'm mentally exhausted and yet still trying to work and carry on with my life to keep myself from thinking about this and becoming more depressed. Part of me wants to see her and hug her, but part of me is angry that she would consider doing this to her and to her family and friends and makes me not want to go see her. I also don't want her to think that I don't love her though, by not going.
Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this before? I appreciate all feedback and stuff.. oh, and by the way, yes, I am currently already in counselling to try to deal with how I am coping with her mental illness.
First you have to stop worrying about you, and how you are dealing with this.
Next you need to talk to the doctors treating her and see when they want or need you to visit her.
Also you need to talk to them and see what they want you to say or not to say. Also there may be possible family couseling that needs to be done but only with the doctors beleive it is needed.
Hi,
I congratulate you on being in counseling. Talking with others is one of the best ways to handle something like this. Just be there for her, and her doctors, I am sure, will suggest some groups, or other help, for her. The hospital also should have some information about group help for situations like this.
I do wish you the best, and hope it all turns out OK.
First of all, All your daughter needs is UNCONDITONAL LOVE. There is a reason why she is there. There is some issues that need to be brought out in the open. It could be family problems, school problems and etc.... Who really knows, but if there is not communication and then there is no way of knowing. For her to know that family excepts her always, no matter what. For you to be there and support her as a mother is important. If you do not think of her, over yourself then that could be part of the problem.
Why are you waiting until next week? Don’t let her sit there and wonder why her mother isn’t visiting. Perhaps then she will think no one does want her/love her and might try killing herself again.
Go to her, don’t judge her, don’t yell at her (deal with all that in counselling).
In the mean time, just be there for her. Sit with her, hug her, read to her or whatever. But, make sure you are physically present. That will go a long way.
As a mother, you have to put your child’s best interest in this case over your own.
I agree with the other posters as well. There are times when you need to take of oyurself and there are times when you need to put your own needs aside. This is a time you need to put your needs aside. As Joe had said there is a reason why she tried to commit suicide, who really knows what that reason is except her. You need to love her, unconditionally. Of course, take Fr Chuck's advice to talk to the doctors. They should agree you need to be there pronto for her. A 15yr old's life could be confusing. She needs help sorting thngs out. Let us know how you made out. Good Luck!
Your daughter needs you right now. If you don't go to the hospital to visit her right away, she's going to take that as a sign of rejection, and that will make her even more depressed. Remember too that depression is an illness that often has biological causes, so there's a good chance that she either was not in control of herself or wasn't thinking clearly when she attempted suicide. If she was an older person and had lung cancer, you wouldn't refuse to see her would you? And yet someone with lung cancer has usually "brought it on themselves" due to years of smoking. In any event, it will do no good if you blame and disapprove of her now. Best to forgive her and try to be as supportive as possible in this difficult time.
I understand your angry perfectly. My biological mom was mentally ill and attempted suicide several times. But you need to put that aside. This is your child and she needs you to be there for her.
Oh Dear!
She didn't do anything to OTHERS!
She did it to herself!
She probably was in a very desperate situation, maybe she felt lonely, unwanted, not needed, in the way, whatever. Follow your instincts: hold and hug her - that's the first thing she needs: you're he mother, not her landlady od neighbor.
It wise to ask doctors what to say and how to approach her, BUT: the first and most important thing she needs is just UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Don't judge her - why should any of us judge anyone?
be loving and strong, and warm and soft, and reassuring.
Let us know how both of you are doing.
Love,
Millie
My dear!
You never left my thoughts.
I think that the whole thing put you in a state of shock.
You too, need immediate help, but i think the love you'll give your daughter at this moment, will mean help to your pain and shock as well.
All the best,
Millie
I tried going to the hospital to see her on Thursday, but they wouldn't let me see her. I couldn't even wave to her through the glass when she was in the TV room. I brought things for her... basic necessities, her favourite shampoo, etc... I couldn't help but feel upset when I left though.
She called me today. It was nice to hear her. She asked about the family, her kitty cats and if any of her friends called. I explained that I was there, but they wouldn't let me see her. She told me they that I could come anytime... ??? She didn't seem to understand why they would tell her one thing and tell me another. I will be sure to discuss this with the psychologist on the ward on Tuesday when I go for an appointment... and hopefully a visit with my daughter.
We had a nice chat on the phone, I told her I missed her and loved her and that her kitties missed her. She seemed more concerned about how I was doing, as she knows that I too, suffer from depression and anxiety and have been treated fro this for the last 4 years.
Anyway, enough of my rambling... just wanted to give you all an update to let you know I am trying to help her... but it's also not easy for me, since I have the same mental illness that seems to run through our whole family.
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