Could this possibly be a mental disorder

Fr_Chuck · Aug 30, 2006, 07:39 PM

While of course it can be, it really sounds like about 90 percent of all the husbands I hear about every day.

Most men are jealous, and work a holics are normally moody and short tempered when not at work.

Men in general like to drive fast,

And most people have poor spending habits, that is why bankruptcy is so commom

So while of course it can be a disorder, in general you have just described the exact thing most wife's would say their husbands are.

mlewis631 · Aug 30, 2006, 08:35 PM

Thanks for the reply. I think you are right. It makes me feel better to hear you say that. We are just having problems right now, and I guess I am trying to find a "fixable" reason for his behavior. Thanks

cromptondot · Aug 30, 2006, 10:35 PM

Patience,my dear. A lot of men ARE like that. I think it may be that they are men and do not mature as fast as we do. Just be thankful that he does work and is willing to spend money. Love and patience is the key..............And if he gets a speeding ticket,don't say "I told you to slow down", Just look at him with a sigh.

YeloDasy · Aug 30, 2006, 10:59 PM

It doesn't matter how normal things are or how abnormal they are, what matters is how you feel about certain things and how you are reacting to them. It is a compromise.... But it sounds like having a 3rd party and going to counseling, if only for a few sessions, can be helpful in sorting out the problems and getting you on your way yo resolutuon... And if he has a disorder, the counselor will let you know!

valinors_sorrow · Aug 31, 2006, 05:23 PM

Without a complete checkup by a trained professional, there really isn't any way to know about a mental disorder. However with that said there are many ways people are "damaged" emotionally or psychologically growing up and its perhaps that which is causing what you see. I will humbly beg to differ here that a lot of men are like your husband-- there are some. In many of the circles I travel, this would be considered arrogant immaturity -- a bad combination that needs either some fast growing up somehow or working it out with someone, the someone being not you -- an older trusted friend, a minister, a professional. Until then, he would not be regarded as very adult dispite his biological age. Before you think this is harsh of me to view it this way, please let me remind you that the way the world works is opportunities will migrate to adults and pass by someone like him-- and I don't think either of you would want that. So this needs to be addressed and the sooner the better.

J_9 · Aug 31, 2006, 06:23 PM

Also, please understand that the hormone testosterone is known to cause aggressive behavior. Men are "full" of testosterone just as women are "full" of estrogen.

As women, we undergo the "change" which means losing estrogen, therefore we stop having periods. Typically men undergo the same "change" and lose testosterone and become calmer.

So, this problem can be looked at in a medical way as well as mental. I agree that counseling is an option here. Us women have to learn how to deal with PMS, which is usually an increase in estrogen, men should try to learn to deal with what I call HEMS, and in this case counseling can help with this process.

GaryArt · Aug 31, 2006, 10:47 PM

A "mental disorder" is a particular group of symptoms, with a name attached to it, recognized by a competent professional group. Only a trained, licensed mental health professional could properly say whether a particular group of symtoms does, or does not, fall with the parameters of a particular dignosis.

What it seems like you mean to ask is whether these behaviors could constitute a psychopathology - And that's a little easier. Almost any behavior can be pathological. The test is quite simple: Does the behavior in question produce a significant negative impact on his normal existence?

In other words, do any of his behaviors make his life (or those of people close to him) seriously more problematic than it would otherwise be? If the answer is "yes", then he probably should be treated.

But you need to consider that some of his behaviors may be reactionary - Is there something that happened recently (marriage, death, new job, promotion, demotion, childbirth, etc.) that could be stressing him to the point he is acting out, trying to release his stress or frustration by indirect means?
In any event, it is obviously bothering you, and, for the sake of your marriage, his behaviors need to be examined... Perhaps by a marriage counselor. IT IS EXTREMELY DOUBTFUL THAT you're CONFRONTING HIM BY COMPLAINING WILL HAVE A POSITIVE EFFECT.

YeloDasy and Valinors gave wise answers.

Good luck.

AKaeTrue · Sep 1, 2006, 12:24 AM

The behaviors you describe your husband as having are all listed as the symptoms for a person suffering in the manic episode phase of the very complexed mental illness known as Bipolar Disorder. Often this disease goes unrecognized, undiagnosed and untreated. It's worth looking into. Type "Bipolar Mood Disorder" into your search engine to learn more about it.
Let us know how everything turns out.

Thomas1970 · Sep 1, 2006, 02:55 AM

Depending on the relatively objective environmental and circumstantial situations and precipitating factors involved in, or leading up to these more emotional experiences, this could certainly also fit the profile of a borderline personality disorder; which would have a strong correlation with inadquacies fostered in childhood. Though I think the previous answers are superb, and I don't feel applying labels necessarily ever brings anyone closer to finding solutions. People need compassion, understanding, and dynamic treatment catered to their own unique situation. People are rarely capable of making others feel more miserable than they themselves, the perpetrators, already do, despite whatever fronts they may attempt to put up.
Do gently encourage him to seek counseling of some sort, in order to better manage his feelings. Though in the meantime, simply try to be understanding, even if he isn't always capable of being that way with others.
Good luck. Take care.

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