im a 14 year old girl and i have been in a relasionship with this guy for about 6 mounths.
A few weeks ago one of my best friends and my sister came up to me in school and told me i need to start talking to him more for a short while i gave up atempting to talk to him cuz he didnt seem interseted in me and only ever gave short answers to what ever i hade to say so i gave up trying. I asked whyvhe was doin it and then they told me that he was self harming i got so upset as they also told me i was the reason he was doin it i got so upset i ran out of school to my aunts house. my sister has told me that my boyfrend confinded in her and told her that i was one of the reasons he was doin it. he was resently a druggie but gave up a few mounths before meating me and has now developed a drinkin habit i feel as if this is all my falt as i didnt talk to him for a while. all the people who are friends with him and me believe its my falt . im just so confused at the moment and dont no what to do this is the first time i have had to deal with this kind of thing i have heard of people i know that used to do it . i dont no what to do at the moment can anyone help me.

bluerose

Self harming and suicide threats are what someone does when they are hurting inside and are struggling to express how they feel. I doubt very much that he is harming himself because of you. There will be many underlining problems, complex problems that cause people to self harm. I just can’t see you being the cause of what has to be a very serious problem of his. He has to work out his own issues. And you need to let him do that. It would not be a good idea to become involved with someone who self harms because their life can be quite complicated.

templelane

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I'm shouting because this point it important. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. What somebody does to themselves is not something you can control or need to take responsibilty for.

What to do?
Try and get him to seek professional help. He obviously has issues as he feels the need to self harm and abuse substances (drugs and alcohol).

Look after yourself.
You cannot look after others unless you look after yourself first.

Consider leaving the relationship.
You are 14.
You dont need to deal with this. It goes way beyond the remit of a young teenage realtionship. Your major worries should include how to do your hair and if his mum likes you, not when is he going to turn up dead.

Don't let him or somebody else guilt you into staying.

Help him as a friend if you can but don't blame yourself if you can't. You can't help somebody unless they want to be helped.

Choux

He is very sick. You have to discontinue relating to him so you aren't affected negatively.

Never forget, life is about making happiness for yourself, not misery.