So the situation is extremely complicated but I will try to sum up as much as I can. Essentially I just want advice on the situation from and outside, unbiased source.

I am currently living with my boyfriend and love him very much. Over the course of our relationship there have been a few bumps along the way mostly concerning him being truthful and also with his mood swings (he is bipolar). There have been a few instances where I have come across things that were highly inappropriate (i.e. him soliciting sex from people online.). Each time I have discovered these things I confront him, and he typically apologizes and tries to explain himself to me.

After the first time, I forgave him and tried my best to trust him again. Then again I found that he was doing it again. He tells me he has never actually cheated on me and while I'm not sure if I believe that, I am trying to.

With each new incident, he reveals more about his intentions behind what he is doing. He had a rough history and as a consequence he engages in a lot of self destructive behaviors. What brings me here is just today I found out about another thing that nearly had me leaving. After confronting him, he nearly broke down and told me a great number of things about himself that he is ashamed of.

I don't want to leave me boyfriend and I love him very much but I don't know how to help him or if I even can. He is struggling with his bipolar disorder and I also think he is extremely depressed. He talks about how unhappy he is with his life and how he thinks of himself as worthless. When I suggest therapy he says he doesn't want to go and doesn't think it will help. I struggle even more so because half the time he is pushing me out the door and then he'll come talk to me the next day and apologize for his erratic behavior. He says he loves me, that I deserve better etc. and he wouldn't blame me for leaving. The thing is I have no interest in leaving, my first instinct, sadly, is to forgive him and to try and fix whatever is wrong with him. I want to help him be functional

Sorry for the length and vagueness about the incidents we've had, I tried to keep it as short as possible as well as respect his privacy regarding his actions. Any constructive advice will be much appreciated.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

Try reading this site and using the boundaries to guide your future decisions about him,and you.

Trying to wrap your mind around a bipolar sufferer is near impossible,and if they won't go for the help they need, you need to make a decision for your own good.

I am and always will be bipolar,undiagnosed till I was around 30,by then I had been through many tough times.It took a lot to make me go for help,and even after I started to get it,I was reluctant to implement the help 100%.

He will need to decide what is important for him and where he wants his life to go.You can support and advise,but you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do.

Look through that site and if you have further questions,please write back.
Ken

Excellent advice.

Thanks for the answer. I'll try rummaging around the site for more information. I actually talked to him today and he seems willing to look for someone to talk to who can help him face the demons of his past. As for us, it may be that I need to be his friend for a while until he's ready and able to be truthful and committed. Thanks again.

I was with a man with Bipolar Disorder for a little over a year. We were even informally engaged. It was really rocky for us. The biggest problem was that he was also an alcoholic. Alcohol and sugar will throw somebody with bopolar disorder right into a manic episode. He was downright uncontrollable and tried to run my car off the side of the road when I was driving during an episode. It greatly affects their dependability. Do not expect him to be ABLE to be dependable. If he's soliciting people for sex, the only reason he probably hasn't done it is for lack of anyone wanting to take up his offer. Perhaps that's not true, but why else would he be doing that?

I loved my ex very much, too. However by the end of our relationship I greatly feared him and had to leave. My final decision was based two things.

1) I realized that I could never safely or happily raise a child with this man.

2) I caught him stealing money from me red-handed.

Good luck, I hope your man seeks help/treatment or at least your situation doesn't end up as severe as mine did.

We all love our partners and when they're unhappy and troubled we all want to help them.

But. And it's a big but. We are not our partners counselors, therapists or doctors. At some point our loved ones have to acknowledge that they need assistance and help themselves.

Please do not fall into the trap of thinking that you can 'fix' whatever is 'wrong' with your BF. Yes, you can love and support him in his process, but you cannot heal him. He needs professional assessment, and he may need ongoing medication and therapy. He can only do that himself - if he chooses to do so.

Try not to become too entangled in his 'stuff'- you don't want it to become your stuff too.