Hi !

I would like to introduce myself to the community and I am very happy there is a site like this this in existence. I am here to discuss the possibility of a personality disorder, perhaps bi-polar disorder.

I know you can't diagnose someone with a mental disease just through a post like this, but any answers in the right direction would help. Even if anyone can just give me an idea if there is possibility that the cause of my very recent ex's behaviour is due to any type of mental condition. Any advice is welcome.

I am writing because I recently had a breakup with a man with intense personality qualities I have never dealt with before, and due to some research I have done, I am starting to wonder if the cause was some form of Bi-Polar Disorder or some related personality disorder.

I think that if I can describe some of his traits and someone can give me some idea as to whether or not his behaviour is caused by this disease, I will at least be able to have some more closure. I hope someone can help me.

I have been suspicious for some time and I know that one of his siblings had told me that they suspected that the cause for their mothers mental and sometimes psysical abusiveness was bi-polar disorder and another sibling had a serious mental disorder and was normal once under medication, I believe I was told this sibling had shciztophrenia.



Here are some traits that I am suspicious about:

- Bad temper, but at other times can be very loving and generous

- Can be very friendly and sometimes so difficult

- Goes shopping on some level on pretty much a daily basis

- Started a whole new way of dress/ New Look / Gets on a "kick"

- Is really into drinking high energy soda pop like red bull etc...

- Agressive but can be so sweet

- Self righteous

- Claims to be religious, but is into dark loud non-christian music (I am not christian)

- Has exploded at family members (his family member warned me of his bad temper)

- Seems to always want to be busy doing something

- No friends, a few aquaintainces

- He experienced some family trauma and deaths to those very close to him about 15 years or so ago, and I wonder if these experiences caused extreme behaviour

- Myself and others found aspects of his behaviour a bit strange/ out of proportion. He sort of pushed me before but it wasn't in a super abusive way, but kind of inapropriate. Then he cursed at me !


What really came to a head for me was the EXTREME and abrupt nature of our breakup. Our relationship was very passionate and close for the year that we were together.
We were starting to buy household items and make plans for our future to live together in a house. He was affectionate to me the last night and then we had one of our fights and he wanted to break up and there was NO WAY of turning around the situation. It was literally here today, gone tomorrow. I even asked him a few days prior if everything was ok with us and he said yes but then, after the break up (this could also have to do with pressures from his family to be kind to me) he wanted to hang out as a "friend" a few times as if nothing happend.

This was a very dramatic switch to the loving couple we were just right before. Now, in terms of getting back together, it seems all bets are off?!!!!!!


Sure, writing more details would help but I don't want to put all of you to sleep anymore than I might have !
(Although please feel free to ask anything you like)

I have experienced a great deal of deep depression since this sudden shocking ending of the future I was building for over a year with this man I shared such beautiful love with.

If anyone could help me in any way, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks so much for your help,

Betty

Brit Betty

thanks to you all ! you're advice is helpful. its just hard to get through. Waves of missing him, feeling better, then deeply hurt and in fear that he gets with another woman. I hate feeling like if i only would have done things more his way, whether or not I was happy about it.
I know thats silly mentally , I know that emotions are not logical. Whats the best way to get over someone ? I haven't had to do this in a while and I am experimenting with different ways of coping. I feel like I am never going to get over this, or be this attracted to a man again and have him love me back.

Jesushelper76

You will get over this. It takes time. You will be attracted to a man again. Sometimes you have to close doors behind you in order to open more doors in front of you. Believe me that in the future you will look back at this experience and be thankful that it did happen. Best wishes for your future. Do not rush things let it happen naturally.

Joe

toolguyny

Well.... I (a gay man) was in a relationship a few years ago now that I will never forget. I am not making any suggestion whatsoever that he is or isn't bipolar or have some sort of mental imbalance, I am no doctor.... just can offer experience in dealing with a bipolar person in a relationship. I was with this person for about 3 months before I ever even got a hint of anything off, from there it was just, always a whirlwind, a roller coaster ride best describes it, mood swings to the absolute extreme. Big ideas, going places, everything is so happy and wonderful, high energy, then half way through what ever that venture may have been (and there were many) it would take an extreme turn and for no apparent reason. The good upswings were so great it kept me in it, and it takes awhile for a person to realise, or even want to think there is a problem when your in love you tend to try to ignore these things. It was months in, when I made my own "uneducated guess" that he may be multiple personality, wonderful person to demon in a flash. I never made any such suggestion to him, just kept trying to cope constantly confused about... everything....shopping, was one of the "things he did", fashion, cloths, cars, household items, you name it, he saw it and had to have it, within days, no matter the cost he might throw it out or give it away, meant nothing to him anymore. 18 months in to it he admitted to me that 7 years previous he had actually been diagnosed as bipolar and had been in counceling for years. I made it till about 2 years at which time life had become so difficult I had completely lost my own identity trying to follow and keep up with him and all the drastic changes on a regular daily basis I was absolutley exausted and didn't care about anything anymore, always waiting for "the next turn". It is an inherited triat passed along in the genes, it does "run" in a family. So, bad temper, absolutely charming at times, but never "keeps anybody to close" , no long time friendships, high energy, self righteous, loving, generous, unstable moment to moment, getting on a "kick" of any/many sorts, all things that were absolutely present in the person I delt with that was diagnosed as positively bipolar (manic-depressive) I actually think that is a better description of it as it is condusive of the extreme mood swings. What does any of this do for you if anything? Maybe nothing, just my experience with the disease. Many people that are bipolar are very highly driven individuals and extremely successful in business, but oh so difficult to cope with if untreated. Good luck.

N0help4u

Bi-polar tends to be extreme mood swings cycling high great moods to miserable low antisocial and/or abusive moods.
He could simply not know how to deal with many things. He could be miserable with himself and taking it out on others.
Drugs can also make a person act like this, is it possible he was hiding a drug problem?
I agree with Jesushelper many guys will drop you at a drop of a hat with no explanation because they do not know how to face up to things.
It could be a combination of many things with him but nothing can help him except for his desire to realize what makes him do the things he does.

I always hear people saying they need closure but often the best closure is looking forward and leaving the past in the past.

douapuncte

I am almost like you described but I am not bipolar I'm just a little bit severe to the others but not with my girlfriends.I have very strict rules witch guide my life.I keep friends only if they worth it.I'm ussualy could as ice but now I'm scared like a child because my girlfriend left me in the dark after a hole year of telling me how much she loved me.Your boyfriend is just different and he has problems of his own,too much presure breaks a guy.

EIFS EXPERT

Judging from your post I think you're bi-polar. I should know...it runs in the family.

douapuncte

Don't you speak english whos family?Yours?

EIFS EXPERT

My family.

Smart arse.

lil_pea07

I agree with JesusHelper's disagreement. Your post was not needed. We are here to give people advice. We are NOT here to critisize people. And FYI, you shouldn't be pointing people out for their english when obviously you aren't so great at it yourself. Your sentence was worded and punctuated in such a poor manner that I had to read it a few times before understanding it. The correct way to write your sentence is, "Do you not speak english? Whose family does bi-polar disorder run in? Do you mean yours?" Also, I read the post you were referring to and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Anyway, if you are not going to give people the advice and respect they deserve, then this is not the right place for you to be. (Notice that all your advice has recieved NEGATIVE feedback.)

lil_pea07

Now to answer the post, I think he may have Bipolar disorder-type 1 (mania). I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 (depressive). I have a lot of the traits you described, but the difference is that I don't want to do anything. My step-dad is, also, bi-polar. He is type 1 and always has to keep busy. The best way to find out for sure whether he is or not is to talk to a psychiatrist. If he is Bi-polar, then he will need to be helped. Bi-polar people can go without meds for a certain amount of time, but it is very dangerous and should be avoided. I hope this helps. Good luck and Best Wishes! Keep us posted.