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Anyone else reallu uneasy and unconfident in social situations
I constantly feel like people are looking at me or laughing at me whenever im at a club, pub, cinema, or even just walking down the road. Even with my friends, when there are a big group of us which get together - i feel iuneasy and this way. Im always conscious that im going to make a fool of myself or embarass myself. I hate things especially such as waiting at the bar to buy a drink when thers loads of ppl. usually ppl jump in front and i dont say anything. I just always feel un-important and feel even my friends dont genuinely like me too much. Im 18 and male by the way and have never even had a relationship with anyone because ive never been confident enuff to approach someone and i dont think i look too great. I just think 'y wud any1 like me'. Also when i see my friends all happy and seemingly free of any insecurities i always lash out at them and i know its because im jelous but i just cant help it. I just feel like i dont belong in this world
You are not alone. Plenty of people feel like you do. I got over most of my own feeling less than others when I joined a group that had performances on a stage. At first, it was so scary you wouldn't believe it. Then I began accumulating screw-ups along with the rest of my group. The audience didn't seem to catch most of them, they were busy dealing with their own mistakes. We laughed at each other on stage and while practicing, we laughed at ourselves.
Now I know that people, including me, screw up all the time. Once you realize that, you will fit right in as one more human being trying his best. At this point try your best not to lash out. Every time you feel angry and jealous and are able to be kind, pat yourself on the back.
You are so self absorbed that you are making your life hell for yourself.
You don't have to be perfect. or even close. You just have to be your natural self in order to be happy and to have happy relationships.
One thing helped me lots when I was shy in social groups. I got a job as a waitress in a busy upscale restaurant, called servers at the present time, and that really got me going thinking about other people and talking unselfconsciously, and it built my confidcence.
Thank you guys for ur advice, it all seems really helpful. What you are saying makes sense Choux and il try just being my natural self and hopefully i can be happy, the only thing that im thinking now is that i hate my natural self, so im not sure if that would make me happy. Its like that thing where people say 'you have to love yourself for others to love you', i realise this is true but its hard to love yourself sometimes. Its not as if there is a button i can press which automatically makes me loves myself and the way i look in a split second, guess the question is 'how' can we love ourselves
Setting small goals and slowly becoming the person we want to be.
Going to a smaller social setting where you can be a little intimidated,but not overly distraught.
Taking the chance you might be 'rejected' or 'judged',putting yourself in ,not risky,but potentially difficult(in your eyes) situation and achieving the small step of coming out of your shell.
If I knew you more I could suggest a little scenario that you could work on,but as this is just a little difficult I will let you describe what you might think is a possible tough situation for you,one where you might want to achieve a goal successfully and we can all go from there.
Have you tried not to take yourself so serious? I get this feeling that you keep thinking of what other might think about you all the time, it makes you nervous and you do more mistakes and get more clumsy because of that. What do you think would happen if you stopped thinking about what the others said or did? Is it really that important?
Do you have a close friend that you trust? Maybe you could spend more time with him/ her and maybe you could try to build up your own power together with that person. In the meantime you shouldn't worry so much about "all the others". They will come to you when they understand and see what a wonderful person you are.
I also get the feeling that you are gifted with special talents, a strong side that few other people have. You have to get back to find it, you knew what it was when you were a child, you used it all the time, but you felt different from your friends so you tried to become like them instead. Now, you are old enough to stand on your own two feet, you have to be more authentic, and let yourself blossom. Don't let other people run over you with their opinions and attitudes. They come from another place, and they don't understand what treasures you own - YET...
I wish you all the best.
Illion
Intuitive Counsellor
Hi KBC - i guess a tough situation is going to the bar by myself when its my round to get the drinks in, usually i will give the money to a friend and ask them to go and get them (being 5ft3 at 20yrs old doesnt help my confidence either). I also hate being the fisrt person to walk into a busy restaurant or pub (usually i let one or two of my friends open the door and go in before i do).
Illion - hello and thanks for the advice, i dont have any close friends and that really gets me down. Because i used to have two close friends at different times and they kind of just drifted away. Its like everyone grows up and finds new friends and is out living their life and all i do is coop myself up at home because i hate the way i look and do not want to go out and be surrounded by loads of people. When i think of people i know, they either have one really close friend or they are in a realtionship and i just want that so much aswell but its not happened in 20yrs so its not liekly to happen. I feel like my teen yrs have been so wasted when i look at what other people have done. Ive got no stories to tell, ive just spent my teen yrs cooped up and depressed and when im out clubbin now and again i just sometimes cant wait to go home and get out of the busy atmosphere. Its such a relief when i come back home from uni, or from a night out, or anywhere else, like its my safe place. But then while im at home, i want to be out like other ppl my age but i know i will just have a rubbish time becos i wont be able to stop worrying about things. At high school (up until 6th form)....i was so happy, i was the life and soul of the party and i feel like crying all of the time whenever i look at who i am now. All i do is worry and want other things and do not appreciate what i have, i just want to be as happy as everyone else i see around me, they all party, have relationships, go on group holidays, etc. I would love to be the person i used to be, i dont know why my personality chnaged so much at 17yrs old (when i started 6th form), i would love to be the old me, and i hate what ive become, i just dont know what to do
You are being very hard on yourself.Did someone say or do something to you that brought this on?Or is it that you think you have to be like all the others?By the way,you THINK they are happy.Like you were in school,they might be just as insecure,but better at covering it up,covering their insecurities behind the seemingly carefree persona they portray.
I dont know if its something that people have said or done to me, i guess its me working out that; Ive never been in a relationship, Ive never had loads of friends, I barely go out, No girls ever show an interest - and a combination of all this leads me to think that my life is just a waste. I guess your right about other people maybe being unhappy aswell but when i see them i wish i had things that they have (their confidence, the fact they are in a relationship, the fact they have high self esteem about the way they look, the fact they are always out clubbing and seeing them tagged in loads of pictures on facebook). And when i think about myself....no one would ever wish to be anything like me, i never get any girls, have low confidence, low self esteem (relsulting in me looking miserable half the time when i am out with my friends) and I just want to feel like im worth something and have something to offer
Hi KBC - i guess a tough situation is going to the bar by myself when its my round to get the drinks in, usually i will give the money to a friend and ask them to go and get them (being 5ft3 at 20yrs old doesnt help my confidence either). I also hate being the fisrt person to walk into a busy restaurant or pub (usually i let one or two of my friends open the door and go in before i do).
Illion - hello and thanks for the advice, i dont have any close friends and that really gets me down. Because i used to have two close friends at different times and they kind of just drifted away. Its like everyone grows up and finds new friends and is out living their life and all i do is coop myself up at home because i hate the way i look and do not want to go out and be surrounded by loads of people. When i think of people i know, they either have one really close friend or they are in a realtionship and i just want that so much aswell but its not happened in 20yrs so its not liekly to happen. I feel like my teen yrs have been so wasted when i look at what other people have done. Ive got no stories to tell, ive just spent my teen yrs cooped up and depressed and when im out clubbin now and again i just sometimes cant wait to go home and get out of the busy atmosphere. Its such a relief when i come back home from uni, or from a night out, or anywhere else, like its my safe place. But then while im at home, i want to be out like other ppl my age but i know i will just have a rubbish time becos i wont be able to stop worrying about things. At high school (up until 6th form)....i was so happy, i was the life and soul of the party and i feel like crying all of the time whenever i look at who i am now. All i do is worry and want other things and do not appreciate what i have, i just want to be as happy as everyone else i see around me, they all party, have relationships, go on group holidays, etc. I would love to be the person i used to be, i dont know why my personality chnaged so much at 17yrs old (when i started 6th form), i would love to be the old me, and i hate what ive become, i just dont know what to do
Dear, try2light.
You are focusing very much on outer things. You don't see what the others struggle with inside themselves. You have to start with your "inside" - not the "outside". I know it seems hard, but I think that finding a close friend that you have found because the two of you like to be together would be a good place to start. I know you said you don't think you can make friendships work out in the long run, but I think you are wrong. I think you just have to "get back on track".
What sort of activities made you happy before? You could try to be engaged in something you will find interesting and then you will find friends that share your interests through these acitivities. Why do you go clubbing if it only makes you feel worse?
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