Here I am at home again. I was invited to visit with a co-worker this weekend. I really want to go. I enjoy her company and we get along well at work. I didn't call. This happens all the time with me. There are so many things that I enjoy, people, church, friends, family, picnics, etc. At work, I get along with everyone. Work well with others, laugh, joke, talk. I have a very dry sense of humor and can usually get people a'rolln'. When I attend church, I feel out of place, so I haven't been in two years. I used to go to bible studies, but I felt so isolated that I stopped going. At first, I'm thinking, major spiritual issues. But.. company picnic...I go .. these people that I get along with so well at work with and all I want to do is leave because I am so uncomfortable. WHAT IS THE DEAL??? I am very lonely for adult relationship, yet here I am at home again. This is not normal. Missed opportunities, like this weekend, leaving me crying by myself. I do participate in some things, but they're getting fewer and fewer as time goes on. ?????
signed,
horrified I can't fix this before someone finds out what a freak I really am

Scorpio848

Honey, you are not a freak. Sometimes we just don't feel like going and putting on the good person face. Most days I hate people and want to be left alone. Even though I am a good person. But your situation sounds like self esteem issues. Figure out what it is that you do not like about yourself, work through it, and then get over it. And I. personally, do not blame you for not going to church. A bunch of self absorbed A-Holes, I say! Be happy with yourself, and you will be happy anywhere.

WhenWillIBeLoved

I have an anxiety disorder. I just don't enjoy being around crowds. Do you feel disconnected to large groups of people? Does it make you uncomfortable and you feel all alone? Are you not close to any of these people, or have you had negative experiences with a large number of the people? It sounds like you also exhibit signs of depression. Many people with depression lose interest in activities they use to enjoy. If you are having sleeping troubles, obsession over specific topics, difficulty thinking about anything other than a stressful topic, feeling tense, jittery, dizzy, restless, having appetite fluctuations, or being overly cautious, go see your doctor immediately. This may be a medical condition that needs treatment. It honestly sounds like depression or anxiety to me. Check into it. I hope you feel better soon.