well I think many of u will hate me
I'm 31y , married to a very very nice person who loves me more than any one or any thing but i cheated him .i knew someone else and to be honest some times i can't be sure i love him any way we r in this relation for more than 7 years now .
i love my husband ,some times i hate him ..same with my lover . in fact i enjoy hurting them ..
i don't know what's wrong with me and don't know what do ..i made the decision many time to stop this relation most of the time coz i feel terribly guilty but i couldn't ..my life is empty without him .. i know u may say i have nothing to do in my life and that's why i need him but no i have a career and family and friends " just 2"
do i need to see a Therapist?
i'm really confused

s_cianci

You definitely need to see a therapist. Find out what your medical insurance will cover and make arrangements accordingly. You need extensive treatment and it will probably become quite costly. However, it will be money well spent. It is obvious, even from your brief post, that you have some serious, deep-rooted issues. With competent, professional help the chances are good that you'll be able to uncover and deal with them but it will take time and patience. Good luck!

dimples

A lot of people have problems in their marriages & you are just one of the many who has cheated on your spouse. We cannot deny that as time goes by, we feel the spark in our marriage has left. We know our spouses way too well that nothing surprises us anymore. And hence, affairs are initiated. Not for the reason of HURTING anybody intentionally but to feel young & desired once again. I do suggest you open up to your spouse about the affair. Tell him everything & seek counselling.

fredg

Hi,
My first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs; but now, with my current wife, have been married for going on 29 yrs.
Current statistics show that, now, a little over half of all marriages end in divorce!
You have one choice to save your marriage; tell your husband, and the two of you go to a Professional marriage counselor, together.
If you don't tell him, you will NOT get any better, and the guilt feelings will only grow more and more, and things will get a lot worse!
For your own peace of mind, get if off your chest, tell him, and go from there.
Both of you, together, if you both love each other, will work it out, but you both need to go together to a marriage counselor. The counselor can then advise you as to whether you, yourself, might need further Professional help.
I do wish you the best,
fredg

NeedKarma

Based on this, yes you have a problem. Seek professional help.

shenda

If you decide to seek professional help, remember they are bound by your forthcoming insights. They need your full co-operation:

First...earnestly...why do you really enjoy hurting the men in your life, is it a form of retaliation, if so, is it direct or indirect. In other words, are they personally responisble for the source of your agony or are they mere stand-ins for the person(s) whom are now out of your reach of influence, out of your sphere of control.

Secondly...Is it that you enjoy hurting them or do you enjoy the sense of power gained by introducing them to a realm of helplessness...you know the value these men place on being there for you...why are you afraid? Do you feel that by transferring "your state of fear and helplessness" will suddenly propel you to overcome? Have you reached the point whereby you KNOW that no matter what you do to them, it does not change the way you feel inside. Have you accepted the fact that it is Normal, it is alright to be LOVED by someone. Have you made a final resolve within yourself that you will trust in LOVE and not fear the uncharted waters that await ahead. Have you made up your mind to include love as your portion, in spite of the fact that many around you have not truly experienced it. Have you decide that you are worthy of adoration and that he whom you strike out at, is not there to cause you pain but aid in pleasure.

If you desire to experience in this life, all that you have imagined, you must stop hiding behind this fake wall of defense. Become more offensive. You can not continue to draw a line in the sand and not allow anyone to get close to you. IT is a miserable form of life and you want and expect more than that; however, it begins with you. They can't read your mind, you must open up and not be afraid. You will be surprised that they will be able to embrace and love the REAL you, but you rob them, you cheat them of experiencing life with you. This extramarital affair is your subconscious screaming "I want to be known by my husband". Answer the cry of your heart...Let your husband know you...permit him in and stop reasoning his response, you do not know what his response will be...give him an opportunity...moreover extend this opportunity to yourself. ALLow life to be your portion. Think about it, you have a chance to BE who you are and on top of that have someone LOVE you. It is less stressful to simply BE, more pleasurable than hiding behind a fake wall of defence. The ultimate choice is yours to make. Whatever you decide...I hope that it liberates you, releases you from the self-constructed prison that you have created for yourself. I know that life has dealt you a bad hand, one that screams, "Protect yourself"...don't let anyone in; however, if you silence the madness...it can not speak. Think about it, when you are alone with your thoughts, you see a more liberated being, you see yourself in a different life...your current actions attempts to silence your core being; however, unsuccessfully. Reason...you can never silence the essence of who you are...your core being Rules and when it is suppressed, it fights back with the same intensity refusing to be a victim of Identity Theft. Your core is REAL, it is the pureset essence of your life force...it will not be denied...it will remind you ever-so-gently, ever-so-confidently, that until you unleash the ties that binds, you will only experience a shadow of things to come...you are the one who must decide...life abundantly or crumb-snatcher shadow of life.

lavaya23

I realize that this was left awhile ago and you may have already taken steps to change your current situation, if not then hopefully what I say will help you out. I have also cheated. I was pregnant with our child and he hadn't touched me since we'd found out I was pregnant. That was the start of it. The guy I cheated with offered me the attention I was lacking at home. Although the affair only lasted for about a week, I felt no remorse which opened me up for the trouble I found myself in after I had our baby!
When our child wasn't even two months old I discovered that he too had stepped out on me. It made me furious! Afterall he hadn't touched me in so long, and I felt like revenge was the only way to get him back. Over the course of a year and a half I cheated many times with numerous partners... I found that I liked the secrecy and the mystery of it all, I did not feel desired and loved at home, and (although this is not an excuse for my actions) I felt justified in doing so! The only part I wasn't expecting was how horrible it made me feel inside! When he found out about my affairs instead of feeling satisfaction, I felt horrible. I had become the one thing I'd never wanted to be! The amazing part was that he still wanted to make an effort at recovering what we had lost. I was not interested and soon moved out! I could not forgive him for his betrayal and even worse, I could NOT forgive MYSELF!
I realized that I was very unhappy with who I'd become and set out to find myself again... It was a very long, hard, uphill battle that lasted for 5 years. The father of my child and I have stayed really close over the years and recently tried to reunite our family, unfortunately we were unable to over-come our differences and we split again. I am happy to report that through all of this though, him and I maintain a healthy relationship for our child.
In your case, you didn't say if you WANTED to stop the relationship with the other man, or if you wanted to try to reconcile or work things out with your husband?! This is what you need to figure out FIRST AND FOREMOST! If you decide you want to work it out with your husband you need to END the other relationship and then TALK to your husband. Try to figure out WHY you had the affair to begin with. Let him know what you were thinking and feeling when it began... You will probably need to seek councelling to help you sort through some of the feelings that you have!
There is one other thing I would like to comment on and that was that you felt "empty" without the other man. If you are feeling empty inside then that is within you, and NOONE can fill that space. They may mask it for awhile but you will not get rid of it. I would say that between your husband, family, career and your affair you have filled up all of your time so that you do not have to confront that emptiness. The sooner you deal with it, the better your life will be, and you will stop "hurting" yourself and those you love!
Remember that if YOU can't be happy with you, how do you expect anyone else to be?! These were wise words once said to me and now I'm passing them onto you! They were what I strived for a live by now.
I am finally in a place where I am happy with who I am, other people see that and my relationships have become better because of it!
If you decide to end the relationship with the other man and try to work things out with your husband, remember to ask his forgiveness and not just say you're sorry! You need to be prepared that he may not want to work things out after he hears about the other man, but you will not know unless you tell him. And I GUARANTEE that you will not stop hurting yourself and others until you do tell him and try to heal whatever went wrong inside!
Just know that YOU will be okay no matter what if you try to change who you've become and get to a place where you like yourself!
The best of luck to you, it will work out, just maybe not the way you want it to!! Take care.

clukkes

I myself had an affair on my husband. We have been married for almost 3 years and have a 2 yr old. He found out this August. I don't resent it. We both see different views on things especially when it comes to the daughter. I raised her from day 1. We both are in the Coast Guard. He works 2 days 2 days off and I am from 8-4pm monday through friday.

The reason I found myself doing this is because I needed an excitement and some comfort. My hubby wouldn't let me do anything. he was the one who went to concerts and to the bars and I had to stay home with the baby. Don't get me wrong I love her to death but I need some time to clear my head. This situation is hard for us as we both are from totally different part of the world. It got to the point where I would say some workers after work are going out for some drinks by the time i aboslutly had to get home I couldn't drive. I had all this anger built up and drinking was my way out. I'm not proud of this as to why I don't drink anymore. But the shelter I couldn't handle. He acted more like my dad than anything else. I didn't need that. I have a dad and he taught me will.

I would always complain on everyhting he did to my friends which they just listened. And one of them was having marriage problems to so we found ourselves comforting each other. Which we both it was wrong but we couldn't help it.

Well through all this I learned that he can not control me and I will not tolerate it. I am a stubborn red head. And we are seeking marriage counseling and this is pushing me further away. Since we are both in the military I am getting some trouble for this. He took this to his command and so from there we had to go through this big investigation. So now he put us in a bigger delimma w/ all this. I know this is confusing but I figured I'd offer some information on...

I hope my best to you and things work out for a reason..