hi,my english name is Mike, a Chinese colledge student,22.i am unhappy almost all the time and it has been years.i don't think i can suffer this any more so i come to the internet for help.
yeah i think i have been suffering from depression.

1.i was born in a poor family.when i was a child,my parents were always in a bad mood because of the poverty. then they quarreled very often.my dad broke glass es by dropping it on the grond.my mum cried , on the bed,unwilling to have meals.things always happened like this.and once my dad made my brother and me ,holding food in our hands, stand on the knees in front of the bed on which my poor mum were lying and beg "have lunch please mum.." "i should have kill myself if i don't have you two.."
after i started school, study is all that i have to do.
2.then i was shortsighted when i was only about 11 . thanks to the poverty and my never-educationed father, i got many cheap glasses in rather poor quality i think. my short sight changed me a lot. i hate glasses. when i was in the high school, there was a time i wanted to kill myself and end all that i was suffering.i didn't because of my parents. they suffered a lot for me and i have duty and i don't want them heart-struck because of my death. and now the degree of my present glasses are over 800. and this means when i get married and have a baby, the possibility for it to have a healthy pair of eyes 50 percent. and i am likely to become blind in the future i think.
3.i fell in love two years ago. i thougt she almost was the only excuse for my continuing to live in this world after experiencing my own disappointing family life. but half a year later she parted me. then half a year later she came back for me. and then half a year later i parted her. nearly two months later i back to her. and now, i think it is almost the time again..
4.i will be a senior a month later and i am going to graduate but i don't think i am going to find a good job. there is alwas pressure on me.
5.....

i don't have interest in anything, i don't want talk to any people, especilly someone i am familier with. but i can feel free relaxed to talk to stangers sometimes. last night, i got ready to sleep, lying on the bed with eyes closed.my brother came and asked me "you are silent all these days, can you tell me what's going on with you? i'm your only brother." but i kept still, eyes closed but there's tears. i said nothing because i don't want to say to him"i think i am suffered from depression, my dear brother. you can't help me.but thank you."

CHINESE MIKE

i don't think they can help. things like that in our country are not developed.and i don't wanna my classmates know this. in their eyes i am not that depressed. thank you .

CHINESE MIKE

whats this?..

CHINESE MIKE

sorry i dont know.. what is 'good''..

flayvur

mike she s asking you is there anything in your life that you like. aprove of, your happy with.

CHINESE MIKE

yes.i like art. and i aprreciate the spirit of freedom in America. I like to stay alone and do my own little things or do nothing . this gives me much peacefull time . and i want to see every people are in equal . i want to see the world that i can see i peaceful. i want help others. BUT i am still a poor college student, no money ,no time . i even have no power to help myself , then how to help others?

Clough

What sort of things would you like to do in art, or the arts, if you were able to do them, Mike?

Thanks!

Clough

You're doing just fine here, Mike! Please do continue to post! You're also correct, that you had already answered me. I just missed your post.

Thanks!

CHINESE MIKE

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Clough again."---what dose this mean?


i like to take pictures, write. and i also dream i can own and play piano . i wanted to take drawing course when i was in the high school .but it seemed absurd in others' eyes. i do think i have a sense of beauty. i also like to listen old-time music like drama.

flayvur

mike dont worry about what people say about what you want to do with your life. Every great person who did great things did things in there life that were not of the norm, which means here in america it was different than what everyone else did. dont be afraid to be you. everyone is different we were not meant to be alike. If people would just accept other people for who they are the world would be a much peaceful place. also dont feel so obligated to hide the fact that your depressed. Im not telling your to tell everyone you talk to about it but you should have someone in your life that you can be honest with about your feelings.

simonegrant

i know what u are feeling mike i am livening the same thing . the only thing is it started when my boyfriend of 6 years broke it off with off , and i am not talking about something that happened a long time ago i am talking about one week ago . i don't feel like doing any thing . i cry every night every night . just like u i don't have anyone that i feel comfortable sheering with . i would love to talk to someone that is not going to judge me just lesion. but say this to say that i hope u find love and happens soon