I have come to a place in my early adult life where I feel that I have little to no meaning. Every day I wake up and go to work (which I do enjoy) and come back home finding myself thinking the same old thoughts. It feels like my career has become the meaning in my life which is the last thing that I want. I have goals. I have lost a lot of motivation to complete them because when I do get high marks for that exam or when I stop that bad behavior then I'm left with a feeling of emptiness. Maybe a 2 second feeling of achievement then nothing. People often think that I failed after an exam etc. because I don't look happy when in actual fact I get 95% average.

Setting other goals have become boring and doesn't excite me anymore. Is this as good as this gets? Is this it? If it is then I fear that I may not survive it.

Bardonicus

I had depression back in my teen years and I underwent therapy and medication. I still have to manage it but it's safe to say that I'm back to normal. Since I know the feeling all to well I can safely say that this is not a case of being depressed.

It's just that I don't know what I want to do with my life. What really makes me happy? What is worth going for?

N0help4u

Bardonicus
I am 52 years old and I kind of feel the same way. Every year I think it will be better next year and it isn't. I feel like I am stuck like in the Groundhog Day movie.
I am stuck because I haven't had a regular job in 8 years. I can't get anywhere financially,
nothing goes right for me. Then my vehicle breaks down every November and I can't get it fixed til April so I hybernate. So my advice is, you like your job that is a bonus many people go to work day in and day out and literally hate it. Work toward your goals. I see so many people that say they want to do this and do that 'someday' BUT then they get their paycheck and blow it at the bar, or eating out and don't concern themselves about HOW they are going to afford what they want to do someday. Then they get laid off and lose their house and everything they worked so hard for. So live simple and save for your dreams. Spend time studying things that interest you like Choux said, study religion, politics, psychology, photography, a sport or whatever to keep a healthy interest in life.
I finally got a job I start tomorrow so I have to take my own advice now.

Bardonicus

Thanks for that amazing post. That really opened my eyes. Already I can say that this post has been of tremendous help for me and I'm sure that it will be for others as well. One last thing that I still have a problem with: How do I know what I really want? Is the happiness really in the act/achievement or is it a state of mind? If so then how can I reach that state of mind?

firmbeliever

I can relate with your feeling of not knowing what you want.
I never had ambitions even when all my friends in school were planning on doing this and that when they grew up.Some wanted to teach,others to write,sports and so much more.
I was lost even then, on what I wanted to do...there are so many options yet so little time to do them all.
Life runs by us and before we know it we are at the crossroads of choosing again.
I have worked at different jobs at different times in different fields,I was content in the duration of each job.Things worked out that I wasnt to be in any of them for too long.

I used to think that I was like a tossed leaf in the wind.Sometimes it stays in one place when the winds die down but soon there is a gale and off it is again to another place...

I am a mother now and I stay at home now,I still havent chosen what I want to be in "Life".I am happy where I am as a mother and wife.

Now, I know where I want to be, I have a goal in mind,but a long way to go when and if I get there. It is nothing materialistic or worldly although I do work on making a good life for my small family in this life.

I think what you are looking for is peace,contentment in what you do,where you are and who you are.
Peace and contentment is the one thing that is not available from outside yourself,your friends cannot give it to you,your loved ones cannot gift it to you and you, yourself cannot buy it from anyone or work physically for it the same way you work for a living.

Peace and contentment comes from deep within you,when you know that you cannot always have everything you want,from knowing that sometimes things will be hard to bear,there will be losses and gains,love and laughter,tears and happiness.

simoneaugie

Feeling whole is intertwined with being. Thinking and action are things we do. Being is where it's at. You saw "kissing in the rain" and "fall asleep with someone under the stars." To do those things you have to be there. There doesn't have to be a partner present, but you must be there in order to do it. Be.

Bardonicus

Thats makes sense simoneugie, it really does and thank you for your story firmbeliever. Action is definitly a key factor in this whole process but before I can action something I need to know what I want. That's a huge part of the problem. I don't know what I want. I have many self help books that can help me with taking action but none of them speak about what I want in this life or how I can go about knowing/finding out what I want. I have searched the web and read many books but none of them tell me how to do find what I want. Why is this so hard? Or better yet how can I go about doing this. I have spent some time in contemplation and meditation but I have still to find an answer on this.

simoneaugie

Then the search is a spiritual one. Your soul isn't surprised by anything. Your immediate self can be. Ask your spirit/soul to lead you. Have the courage to follow.

Cheshire2008

How about you find your passion by volunteering give of yourself to others find a cause dear to your heart. Who knows maybe you will meet someone like minded like yourself.
get out and experience life. Don't let it pass you by.
You could run or jog outside.
Join a photograph class
Take a cooking class.
Join a bike club
Volunteer at the museum be a mentor join a mentor club for boys.
The rest will follow.
Where your passion is so is where your heart is.
Good Luck

Bardonicus

Thanks for the great advice, how can I mentor without knowing who I really am or what I want? It has become clear to me that I still don't truly know who I am or what I want. The one thing that has put me off majorly form socializing is the fact that I drive a scooter. I don't know why but it's something that has really taken a huge beating towards my self esteem. It's all that I can afford at the moment and it's just who I am. Why is it that I have this poor self esteem about something that shouldn't matter?

firmbeliever

Bardonicus,

It was a pleasure to tell you my story...

But you do not seem to have understood a point I made.
The feeling of satisfaction does not come from what you drive or what you wear alone,it is something that comes from deep inside you.
It depends on knowing yourself and knowing that you are doing right.

If things depended on having enough money or the best education and a rich life,then all the rich will be satisfied and happy in life.We see different, many of those who have too much are dissatisfied or unhappy enough to pay loads of money to find a simplistic lifetyle,a thatched cottage somewhere with basic neccessities.Or they are looking for thrills which threaten their very lives.

I agree with Simoneaugie, it is a spiritual quest you are on.
I am not sure who mentioned religion (Was it Choux?),I agree there too.Knowing and understanding life in a religious way helps many sort things out better,especially in regard to a life after death. It helps take the focus away from worldly things and acquiring things in a materialistic way to a spiritual outlook on life.