Ive been with a guy for over ten years now. Two years ago he cheated on me. Six months after he did we got back together. Every since then we have great days where nothing else matters but us. On other days I worry.Lately my thoughts are"what if he finds something in another girl again". A perfect example was a few days ago. We were walking into a grocery store where he works and as we walked by one of the counters a girl goes "hey" to him and seemed excited to see him. He said hey while holding my hand and we continued shopping. I have ebbn really stressing out about why she was excited to see him. He said that I am over reacting and that nothing is going on. In fact he has gone out of his way just to prove that he loves me and only me. He invites me into his work all the time, insists on holding my hand in public.In other words, he has giving me no reason to be jelious yet i flip out and stress myself on little things. I have gained weight since he did cheat. about 30 pounds in two years. Could self esteem be some of it?Please Help

JudyKayTee

What do you mean by "you've been with him for 10 years?" Married? Dating? Living together?

I think jealousy issues all come from self esteem problems. Of course, there's always the "I can forgive but I can't forget" issue, too. Is that a problem for you?

On one hand I think people make mistakes, get over them, it never happens again. On the other, some people are serial cheaters.

It sounds like your husband/boyfriend cheated once and now goes out of his way to reassure you.

What else could he do that would make you feel more secure? Have you talked to him about it?

I personally would be more upset by the lying than the cheating - at some point he must have looked you straight in the face and lied about ... something. That would trouble me.

bettyboop85

We have been dating for ten years. I guess the "I can forgive, but I cant forget" issue is true because I do forgive him but the thought is still there.
I have talked to him about it and he asks me the same question, "What can i do to make you feel at ease" I dont have an answer to that. I am not really sure

JudyKayTee

I can only speak from experience and everyone, of course, is from a different place, has had different experiences. I am not interested in dating anyone for 10 years. Either we are a couple or we are not. It is obviously different for you, as it is for other people.

Is he your "whole life"? Do you have friends, activities, hobbies, interests outside of him?

Maybe developing your own friendships and interests would give you some self confidence.

And playing devil's advocate - is he a one time cheater or a serial cheater?