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My 12 Year old discovered XXX on Internet

Asked Jan 9, 2009, 05:15 PM — 8 Answers

My 12 year old daughter has gotten a laptop from her father. I recently discovered she had accidentally found a XXX website. She looked into it and was facinated and continued to look for it for almost 3 months. She was having problems with her laptop and when I tried to help her fix them-she became aggressive and nasty. She finally came to me and told me what she had been looking at. Upon looking into her email and history-that was when I discovered it had been going on since sometime in mid-October. She promised she wouldn't do it again-but 2 weeks later-she did. She appears more upset she had been caught then anything else. There is questions whether or not her father started molesting her at the age of 3. I say she did but the courts disagreed. It was "substantiated" by DHS. But the courts called it all BS. I love my daughter-but I am afraid. I think that something might be wrong with her because she says that she might as well keep doing it because she is going to hell anyways for it. I don't know where she gets these things that she says. I have no insurance and recently lost my job. Is she worse off then I thought?

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8 Answers

JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558

Uber Member

#2

Jan 9, 2009, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oryansbelt

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My 12 year old daughter has gotten a laptop from her father. I recently discovered she had accidentally found a XXX website. She looked into it and was facinated and continued to look for it for almost 3 months. She was having problems with her laptop and when I tried to help her fix them-she became aggressive and nasty. She finally came to me and told me what she had been looking at. Upon looking into her email and history-that was when I discovered it had been going on since sometime in mid-October. She promised she wouldn't do it again-but 2 weeks later-she did. She appears more upset she had been caught then anything else. There is questions whether or not her father started molesting her at the age of 3. I say she did but the courts disagreed. It was "substantiated" by DHS. But the courts called it all BS. I love my daughter-but I am afraid. I think that something might be wrong with her because she says that she might as well keep doing it because she is going to hell anyways for it. I don't know where she gets these things that she says. I have no insurance and recently lost my job. Is she worse off then I thought?

Have you looked into no cost counselors for her - my local Family Court (NY), Catholic Charities, Lutheran Charities, Episcopalian Services, all have degreed social workers on staff.

I trust you have placed a parental lock on her computer?

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Credendovidis Posts: 1,593, Reputation: 481

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#3

Jan 9, 2009, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oryansbelt

I don't know where she gets these things that she says.

Almost every healthy 12 year old teenager is busy with "these things". It is the main talk with friends and at school.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oryansbelt

I think that something might be wrong with her because she says that she might as well keep doing it because she is going to hell anyways for it.

With all respect : there seems little wrong with her. Something I can not say of you ....
"Going to hell anyways for it" ? Your problems may more be located within the fundamentalist religious field you appear to be involved in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oryansbelt

Is she worse off then I thought?

I do not think so. I fear you are worse off than you think ....

Just my advice : do not push your daughter so much. Do not (only) put your rules forward. Guide her. Remember that she has daily contact with other teenagers who do exactly the same as she does now.

But keep alert on her Internet activities, and make her aware of the dangers on the Internet.
Suggested locks on her computer will only drive her away from you.
Stay with your daughter. She needs your guidance, and not you as her prison guard.

.

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Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,607, Reputation: 37031

Expert

#4

Jan 9, 2009, 09:24 PM

I will agree with Cred, I would be more afraid of a 12 year old that did not have a interest in it. And would not go to hide it.

I guess my question would be as a parent why they could look at it for 3 months without you knowing,

Computers need to be in a public place in the home, so that when they are on it, you can see it.

Also you as a parent should have been checking on a regular basis the history of the computer.

After that, also there should be content blockers on all teens computers.

So block this from her computer and that is a done issue.

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JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558

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#5

Jan 10, 2009, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

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I will agree with Cred, I would be more afraid of a 12 year old that did not have a interest in it. And would not go to hide it.

I guess my question would be as a parent why they could look at it for 3 months without you knowing,

Computers need to be in a public place in the home, so that when they are on it, you can see it.

Also you as a parent should have been checking on a regular basis the history of the computer.

After that, also there should be content blockers on all teens computers.

So block this from her computer and that is a done issue.

I meant a parental block, not locking her computer with a padlock -

I would be concerned with the lying about it, the not asking questions, behavior of that nature. I don't think a 12 year old can sort out healthy sex from unhealthy sex (bondage, whatever else she's looking at).

On the other hand I'm sure there are 12 year olds who know more than I do.

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twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 6046

Uber Member

#6

Jan 10, 2009, 11:45 AM

Take the laptop away from her. She is too young to be able to surf the net like that alone. She didn't "accidently" discover a porn site either. She could also be going onto chat sites that are frequented by sexual predators. Think about that for a second. Do you really want her to be that "free" to stumble onto those types of things? I don't think so. Who's the parent - you or her?

Just because dad gave her this laptop does not make it right. Make her use the desktop computer in the family room/livingroom in your presence. Talk with her about her day, etc. And listen to what she says. Sounds like there is a lack of communication here. It's like plopping a toddler in front of a tv with a remote control and then leaving the room and coming back only to find he stumbled onto the Porn channel. So who's fault is that? The parent's fault.

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ga13be Posts: 1, Reputation: 10

New Member

#7

Dec 25, 2009, 08:45 PM

It is perfectly natural for a girl her age to look at porn. Don't scare her with the "hell" stuff. It's not worth it.

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JudyKayTee Posts: 45,420, Reputation: 23558

Uber Member

#8

Dec 26, 2009, 10:35 AM

You came back, posted on once, and opened a thread from January 2009.

Please keep an eye on the dates.

I realize this thread will be closed but you have no problem with this 12 year old lying to her parents?

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Gemini54 Posts: 2,875, Reputation: 5623

Ultra Member

#9

Dec 26, 2009, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ga13be

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It is perfectly natural for a girl her age to look at porn. Don't scare her with the "hell" stuff. It's not worth it.

I know this is from Jan 2009 (and we are in the 21st century), but "perfectly natural" for a 12 year old girl to be looking at porn?

What sort of household do you live in ga13be?

I suggest that you need to re-examine what you think is appropriate - allowing a child to look at porn in Australia is the equivalent of pedophilia.

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