i posted a question a while back about my 31 year old boyfriend not wanting me. now he's officially informed me he thinks he suffers from some sort of sexual dysfunction and doesn't know why. he's going to see a psychiatrist first and then to a psychologist.

my question is, how long does it take until he is normal again? until he wants to and CAN have sex again? i think it mainly has to do with anxiety. are we looking at a couple of months? a year?

i know it's not me but my female emotions are in full gear and are telling my brain it IS me.

crap.

Fr_Chuck

Well first often it can also be medical, and you are assuming he can be cured, while of course most can be, not all can be without help of things like pumps or other aids.

Personally I swear by that wonderful blue pill ( viagra)
So has he first checked this with his medical doctor, or does he know it is not a medical issue

kp2171

a man can be absolutely aroused mentally and unable to perform physically. its the truth. you dont own this. if i didnt believe it, i would not say that just to make you feel better.

lots of things can contribute to ED. all kinds of physical maladies, not to mention some mental, can compound easily. it just is not as simple as saying "he isnt attracted to me"...

is his diet good? taking a good multivitamin? getting good sleep? stressed at all? any depression? whats his age?

steel piercing hard ons are often wasted on 16 year old with nothing to do with them. by the time some men get a chance to use it, the quality of the erection is changed. sometimes its mental, sometimes physical, sometimes a combination.

stress about ED can reinforce the ED... its one of the ugliest feedback cycles there is. failure begets failure.

so... hes struggling with sex. can he get you off orally? sometimes his getting you off first can take pressure off of him, allowing him to focus on himself. then... a few "wins" into it... he might find he has more confidence.

so... can he get you off with oral, and if not, whats the problem? doesnt do it? too fast to the cl!toris? not enough setup?

how can we make it so he can feel good about pleasuring you so he can then focus on himself?

spitvenom

I know he is only 31 but does he happen to be taking any blood pressure medication? That can also cause ED.

chelseata

so far, he does suffer from an old hernia operation which has recently been causing him some occasional pain and discomfort. he recently saw the dr about this and will be going to physical therapy to strengthen his groin. also, he's been taking antibiotics because of a possible infection in his prostate. and he's had recent bloodwork and is getting an mri and cat scan soon. so there's a lot of negative focus down there in that area right now anyways.

when it comes to pleasing me, well, i'm kinda difficult. the only way i can get off is through penetration. i don't even care if we don't worry about me right now for a while.

his diet could be better, along with some exercise. so we're agreeing to try to eat better and i'm offering to accompany him to the gym, i could use more exercise myself. i do think there is some anxiety. he doesn't display it but from what i've learned about him so far, he's very into making sure somebody is as happy as he can possibly make them. me, his coworkers, his mother. i think he may have slightly crumbled under the pressure.

he says he won't take viagra, but will take cialis.

i'm so scared that we won't have sex for six months.

Fr_Chuck

why would he not want to take viagra but would be ok with cialis ( while I understand both work fine)

But I will say this, of course I am older, but with viagra, performance is better than it ever was, I mean it was not that good at 20, as it is now.
I wish I had found this stuff years ago.

kp2171

both drugs should work fine... the added benefit from cialis is the longer half life, meaning its longer acting and removed from the body slower. a study of men using viagra and then cialis showed a majority preferred cialis. a few cited better performance, but most cited less anxiety with a larger window of opportunity.

Carmen

well, he's obviously recovering (hernia operation) and still under antibiotics and a physical therapy to strengthen his groin and such an such. This is something that YOU have to take into account, instead of worrying about his erection. This guy needs to heal physically before he can focus sexually. Just like what you said; you don't care and not to worry about you right now, yes indeed, this is not about you. You can always use dildo or sex toys if your man is incapable of pleasing you at this point because of his situation. You ought to be more understanding and patient.
Let him heal, you worry if can not have have sex for 6 months?? You are the one pressuring him obviously, you actually have a timetable and you think he's not sensing that?, if you are with him just for sex then you are in for a real treat.
Assure him that it's not about pleasing other people, he has to recover and heal for HIM.



his groin. also, he's been taking antibiotics because of a possible infection in his prostate. and he's had recent bloodwork and is getting an mri and cat scan soon. so there's a lot of negative focus down there in that area right now anyways.

when it comes to pleasing me, well, i'm kinda difficult. the only way i can get off is through penetration. i don't even care if we don't worry about me right now for a while.

his diet could be better, along with some exercise. so we're agreeing to try to eat better and i'm offering to accompany him to the gym, i could use more exercise myself. i do think there is some anxiety. he doesn't display it but from what i've learned about him so far, he's very into making sure somebody is as happy as he can possibly make them. me, his coworkers, his mother. i think he may have slightly crumbled under the pressure.

he says he won't take viagra, but will take cialis.

i'm so scared that we won't have sex for six months.[/quote]

mustard_seed

Finances can also play a part. Sex begins in the brain--thought. If he's worried about the bills (and men always feel burdened when they cannot provide), his mind is somewhere else. If this is the case, try helping out more and spending less. WE ARE ALL ON A BUDGET THESE DAYS!