[whatsnext2009]

A female friend is having a party. She requested my presence, but she is good friends with my x. I told her I would go then finally realizing my x would be there. I don't want to associate with my x because of her I believe cheating on me. We have been in no contact 2 months.

Should I
A) tell friend I cannot attend without a reason

B) tell friend I cannot attend with a made up answer (so I don't show weakness to the X that may get back to X, or friend just assumes I had something come up)

C) tell friend I don't want to deal with the x (showing a weakness which may get back to the X)

D) just go and man up

Thanks

[glenboy123]

Rather than possibly lying or being "loose" in your honesty to your friend, just tell her the truth that since realising your ex will also probably be present you would find it uncomfortable to be around her. Or as you could still go and show your presence for your friends sake, man up as it were...

[redhed35]

If your not ready your not ready...

Why do you need an excuse?

If she's a good friend,she would have known your ex would be there and told you,or at least said if you don't want to deal I don't mind.

Just say sorry,you forgot you had something else on... and your not lying you do... your healing and keeping your sanity... (she does not have to know).

Be a friend to yourself.

[none12345]

Your ex shouldn't be stopping you from having a good time, just go and don't make contact with her.

[valkman98]

I would ask if you could have a good time with her there then go, if you feel you can't then tell the friend why and don't.Been in that spot many times and if any are at a party or whatever, I don't go. My happiness is more important and a friend should/will understand. Not a man up thing,just you taking care of you.There are going tobe times when the Xes are at a place so if you can handle at this time good for you,enjoy.

[neverme]

I have to agree that there is no 'man up' thing about it.

Write a pro and con list.

Then throw it away and see if you can be there. Don't sacrifice the next week, two weeks.. longer if you think it will take you time to hash out everything that she did and didn't say, whether she was brushing the hair away from her face or looking at you... bla bla bla.

But I have to guess that this is an issue for you or you wouldn't be here asking, my best guess is that you are not ready to see her yet. If that is true, stay away.

Say something came up. Your friend won't be angry, if they are they either have never gone through a break up or/and are just plain selfish.

[whatsnext2009]

thanks for the good responses.

yeah she actually isn't a GOOD friend. I knew her when I dated x and she knew me but we became friends after the x.

I wouldn't go primiarly for her, but since lots of my other friends will be there.

but I just don't want to have deal with stupid stuff, or give her the opportunity to see me. Because I know she'd try and come talk to me. And I'm not having that.

[Justwantfair]

I don't think you are ready, I wouldn't be ready.

Contact is a tricky card and I think your best bet would be to avoid the situation. You are progressing and even just the sight of an ex can be a set back.

I don't think this has anything to do with 'man-ing up' and I surely don't see the benefit of going just so you are not avoiding her.

Do what's right for you, don't go.

[Romefalls19]

Go take yourself to a movie, or go to the gym instead. I have been in your shoes. A mutual friend of my ex and I threw a New Years Eve party, 2 weeks after my and my ex broke up. I ended up not going because I didn't want to spend the night worried if she was going to talk to me or not. I ended up doing something else and having a better time.

When you think about it, is it worth it spending the next few days/weeks replaying the event and what she did/didn't do or say and what she meant by it?

[88sunflower]

I think you have the answer in yourself already. You know you don't want to be around her so just don't go. There is no obligation for you to be there just because you have mutual friends. If your other friends are going so be it. Just have them send a text or a quick call when they leave and meet up with them after.

[whatsnext2009]

Good call. Rome I read your sticky and past relationship post, and I def learned from that. Haha so the fact that you are saying it's not worth the chance. I agree.

Instead I'm going scubadiving

[redhed35]

Good call. Rome I read your sticky and past relationship post, and I def learned from that. haha so the fact that you are saying it's not worth the chance. I agree.

instead i'm going scubadiving

Excellent!. plenty of fish to see.

[whatsnext2009]

Not really going scuba diving but I wish I was

I hopes over here

Hahaha