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BARF · Nov 13, 2009, 11:11 PM

Hey, sorry if this is long. I'm just a hurt, average 18 year old guy who needs advice from anyone who's willing to give it.

My ex and I've been broken up for almost a year now. Although she has a new boyfriend, we remained close friends. Then somewhere mid year, we had a major argument because I was jealous (I still had strong feelings for her at the time) and fell out. We didn't speak for about 7 months or so. But recently she got back into contact with me and we started speaking to each other again.

There was one incident a few weeks ago where she saw me on the bus and the next day she spoke to me on msn, bringing up our past and flirting with me a lot. She even asked me out for a movie and being the naïve person I am, I agreed. When the day came, she stood me up saying she was meeting her friends (which I'm pretty sure was her bf). Sometimes she won't reply my texts or she'll reply 1 or 2 and then ignore the next one.

Of course, because I still do have feelings for her, it hurts. A lot. I feel used by her all over again. I found out from a friend that she told her current boyfriend that she used me to get over her ex. But I know I fell hard. Everyone did. They warned me about her but I couldn't bring myself to listen. Its been almost a year and I can't see anyone in the same light as I see her. What am I to do? It really hurts :(

bjohnrupp · Nov 13, 2009, 11:17 PM

Oh wow you're going through the same sh** as me right now... were in the same boat man

2ndTime · Nov 13, 2009, 11:21 PM

You are still so young. Did you name yourself BARF because of how you feel? First thing is to rename yourself with something strong. e.g. Survivor or something similar. Your id name itself even suggest you are kind of a guy that anyone can walk all over. Next time you see her, turn around and walk away. Ignore her completely or you will turn out like evey other guy in this site. They all start like this and couldn't move on from their ex girlfriend, who keeps on tagging them along because these guys think that a little sex or a date or two with ex will lead to their life time of happiness. The reality is, your ex wants you to become her booty evey time she gets into argument with her boyfriend. She's not looking for any lasting relationship from you. She's using you. Please read others questions, then you would know what I am talking about.

ajGambino · Nov 13, 2009, 11:49 PM

I'm sure it hurts, and the pain is a lesson well learned. If you keeping in contact with her keeps hurting you, what do you think you should do to relieve the pain?

Stop talking to her. I'm sure you were great friends and have a lot of history together, but you're going to have to let her go if you want to free yourself from all of this. Go NC and only then will you know if she's worth talking to again.

amicon · Nov 14, 2009, 01:17 AM

You ve never allowed yourself to heal from this breakup and that's what you should concentrate on now.
No more contact as you must let go of the false hope of winning her back.
Do things that make you feel good.
See your friends,build yourself up again , it'll take some time but you ll find that you can be happy without her in your life.

BARF · Nov 14, 2009, 03:31 AM

Originally Posted by 2ndTime

You are still so young. Did you name yourself BARF because of how you feel? First thing is to rename yourself with something strong. e.g. Survivor or something similar. Your id name itself even suggest you are kind of a guy that anyone can walk all over. Next time you see her, turn around and walk away. Ignore her completely or you will turn out like evey other guy in this site. They all start out like this and couldn't move on from their ex girlfriend, who keeps on tagging them along because these guys think that a little sex or a date or two with ex will lead to their life time of happiness. The reality is, your ex wants you to become her booty evey time she gets into argument with her boyfriend. She's not looking for any lasting relationship from you. She's using you. Please read others questions, then you would know what I am talking about.

Yeah, actually when you put it that way, I do realize its how I feel about myself and everything in general. Thanks for the awesome answer though. I guess I should grow some self respect.

BARF · Nov 14, 2009, 09:22 PM

Threads merged

When we were together, despite telling me she loved me and all the bs, I still could not see her trying hard enough. When I met her, she was fresh out of a relationship. She told me it was because she had feelings for me that her ex ended things with her. I was totally unaware of this.

During my time with her, I fell head over heels, but I noticed that she wasn't really even trying to make our relationship work. She was playful, not serious about anything, kept flirting with other people... And I had a strong notion she was not over her ex.

I became wary of her and decided to stop trying too, but I didn't end our relationship just yet. I mean, I was still in love with her for God's sake. Soon enough she noticed and went around complaining that I wasn't serious about her and wasn't trying hard enough. And then one night, it was over. She met me just to break up with me in person and left. I was crushed but I knew it was coming, I just didn't want to let her go. Now she's with someone else and doesn't give two hoots about me but I'm still very much not over her.

What now?

Alty · Nov 14, 2009, 09:25 PM

It takes time. You have to give yourself the chance to get over what you felt for her. You may always love her, but you can move on without her.

Obviously she didn't care about you like you cared about her. Find someone that does. :)

Good luck.

paxe · Nov 14, 2009, 11:12 PM

Like Altenweg said, it takes time. You need to actively heal (sport, go out, friends, family... ) and to apply NC fully. If not it will take a LOT of time.

It will also teach you not to open your heart that fast to someone else.

BARF · Nov 24, 2009, 11:29 PM

Threads merged

Sorry this is a little long. If you could be patient with me, that'd be really nice.

My ex and I were seeing each other for about 8 months. Initially everything was good. We both had strong feelings for each other. The honeymoon stages as you would say. Then midway, our relationship started getting rocky. Well first and foremost, she's the playful type who is never serious about anything. I've heard many stories about the way she treats her boyfriends but I didn't want to believe them.

She claimed she really loved me but I doubted her and I was afraid to put my all into the relationship. She noticed and asked if I was really serious about her. Of course I was, but I guess pride got in the way and I never told her. After that we only texted and called and hardly spent time with each other in person. What kind of a relationship is that where the couple doesn't spend time with each other? But I guess I was really afraid of getting hurt. We broke up and now she has someone who probably makes her happier than I did or ever could. Ironically, its been months and I can't get over her. What do I do? I really regret not making full use of the time I had with her :(

Wondergirl · Nov 24, 2009, 11:37 PM

This relationship is finished, so give it up, but LEARN FROM IT! Make the next one so much better!

Now, get yourself together so you have a lot to offer -- read books, study hard in school, work and play hard, learn to cook and bake, join a gym, play sports -- keep busy but also give yourself quiet time to think about butterflies and puppy dogs and chocolate chip cookies. Be the best you can be in the next relationship.

JoeCanada76 · Nov 24, 2009, 11:42 PM

Honestly 8 months is not really that long for a relationship. Were you ever in a series relationship before this one.

All you can do with any experience in life is to learn from it. Take it as a learning process and move on. It is funny how many people want what they can not have. When they have it, it is not appreciated as much until the end is shown.

My advice is this relationship for you and this other person it is better for it, the break up to happen now then later on. How much harder would it have been if this happened after 2 years in the relationship.

Best wishes and there is no such thing as cant. Remember it takes time, but if you are always focusing on something you can not have. What you could be having with somebody new, will not happen because your blinded by something from the past.

Good luck,

Joe

amicon · Nov 25, 2009, 01:04 AM

You broke up nearly a year ago you said in your previous post so really you need to let this go now.
Make a promise to yourself that you're going to look forward in life instead of staying stuck in the past.
Then act on that promise-take up a new hobby,make new friends and enjoy life.

mudweiser · Nov 25, 2009, 01:09 AM

How old are you?

Sometime when your young[er] you kind of obsess over that "one" relationship.

It's been a year now and it' only lasted 8 months-- it's kind of long if you're a teen!

Well like other have said "move on".

So delete her off your Facebook, cellphone and/or email because having her there does you no good.

Move on buck-o. Life is too short for "what ifs". Imagine you could've met a really nice girl by now if you just had moved on.

So... move on!

BARF · Nov 25, 2009, 05:37 AM

Yeah, I'm 18. Still haven't experienced much of life yet. I've lots to learn.

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 06:40 AM

I just wanted to add to the thread one other thing,you listened to what other people had to say about how she treated her previous boyfriends,instead of looking at how she treated you.

Next time,listen to the person your with and take note of how they treat you,not what other people say!

Devorameira · Nov 25, 2009, 10:06 AM

Life's tough - especially when you try dealing with people that want to use and abuse you.

I'd stay away from her and would not respond to any messages from her.

You'll find the love of your life soon, and she'll love you and want to spend time with you without any using or abusing!

----------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us,
but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person
who wouldn't give up on them.

jmw0713 · Nov 25, 2009, 12:01 PM

It takes time to get over a loss. You feel this way after all this time has gone by, because you stayed in contact with her. The only way to really move on is to cut her off and look toward the future. Time to go out and have fun meeting new people.

talaniman · Nov 25, 2009, 02:36 PM

You have been stuck long enough, time to get it together and move beyond this female. Think of all the fun your missing, and have missed.

slapshot_oi · Nov 25, 2009, 03:01 PM

Haha, you're username is hilarious.

I made the same mistake when I was 18, I struck around this chic for nine months whilst she had a boyfriend, and I dated her for two months.

After the ninth month of misery several cartons of butts, I finally made the decision to move on by telling myself "ah f**ck it" every time I'd think about her. In a couple week's time I couldn't care less about her.

You need to realize getting over someone is a decision, not just a feeling. Anyone who says can't get over someone really just doesn't want to. Yeah it's true, sometimes people do enjoy misery.

Be glad this happened at 18 and not 28.