[pumpkintick]

Hello everyone and thank you for reading.

Here's a bit of history my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3years now and 2.5 have been long distance. The first 2years everything was OK with just minor fights and stuff. Last September he started University and everything started to change. He never had time for me, he had made a bunch of new friends (girls). Of course I got jealous and so we fought all the time (mostly the distance make me more jealous,not knowing who these girls were).
By the middle of October he broke up with me.
1month later we started to talk again and I told him I wanted to be his girlfriend or nothing. He picked nothing. So December we were single and did NC.

By the new year I had met a new guy, nothing special but I was lonely and hurt ( I guess he was a rebound) I was with him sexually for about a month and realized how stupid I was being and broke up with this guy. A month later my ex(long distance) started emailing me all the time. At first I ignored them because I didn't want to get hurt but I still loved him, so I responded. He had asked about if I dated anyone and I told him yes one guy and he got so jealous and questioned everything even sex and all. (He says he had only kissed 2 girls during our breakup)

This was in March, I told him I would go visit him in July to try and fix things. He agreed he missed me and loved me and wanted to fix things. So I am here now, across the world. I have been here for about 2months and I am leaving in week.

Now to the problem...

My boyfriend says he still can't stop thinking about how I was with that other guy. Like he says he needs me to prove I am sorry and I'm not a slut, he says he wants me to surprise him with something. But I don't no what, like I can't speak the language in this country, so I have make him an online movie, taken him to dinner a few times, make him photo albums and said sorry x3482347823483084290 times. But he is always fighting with me, he can't get over it. Like I tell him I have flown across the world for him, spend a bunch of money (I am now in debt with my mom from all this) I put my school on hold for 3months. Like he just won't accept anything. I don't know if its me missing something or what.

Do you guys have any suggestions or anythnig to help me please I love this man so much I really want to make his pain to go away, but I'm stuck I've never been in this sitution before.

Thank you so much for reading!

[artlady]

You were broken up.

He needs to stop punishing you and accept your apology like a big boy.

This isn't something you should have to have hanging over your head for an eternity.

He is emotionally manipulating you (surprise me with something)and he needs to either decide if he can truly forgive(no more recriminations) and if he can't than I don't see much hope for your future.

You have apologized enough and he needs to learn how to forgive.

A LDR is difficult enough without having this added burden.

I think you have done all you can and now the ball is in his court.

[amicon]

Hi. He told you nothing so when you had the other relationship you were not together. He s being very unfair and I think you should painful as it will be-cut your losses.you are hurting.you do not deserve that.

[pumpkintick]

You were broken up.

He needs to stop punishing you and accept your apology like a big boy.

This isn't something you should have to have hanging over your head for an eternity.

He is emotionally manipulating you (surprise me with something)and he needs to either decide if he can truly forgive(no more recriminations) and if he can't than I don't see much hope for your future.

You have apologized enough and he needs to learn how to forgive.

A LDR is difficult enough without having this added burden.

I think you have done all you can and now the ball is in his court.

I have said similar things and he says I don't understand the pain he feels. Also whenever we fight about something different somehow my rebound guy gets in the conversation. Also I was with that other guy in January, over half a year ago. I never even think of it like it was so long ago, but he always acts like it happened yesterday.

[artlady]

I have said similar things and he says I dont understand the pain he feels. Also whenever we fight about something different somehow my rebound guy gets in the convo. Also I was with that other guy in January, over half a year ago. I never even think of it like it was so long ago, but he always acts like it happened yesterday.

Some people just do not have it in themselves to forgive and perhaps he is one.

I think it is time for an ultimatum.

Either move on from this point with no more rubbing your nose in what you had every right to do,or you are leaving.Its abusive.

Yes,you do get how hurt he is but what surprise can you give him to make it all better? That is emotional blackmail.

He sounds like a spoiled child.

How long is he going to punish you?

[pumpkintick]

Some people just do not have it in themselves to forgive and perhaps he is one.

I think it is time for an ultimatum.

Either move on from this point with no more rubbing your nose in what you had every right to do,or you are leaving.Its abusive.

Yes,you do get how hurt he is but what surprise can you give him to make it all better? That is emotional blackmail.

He sounds like a spoiled child.

How long is he going to punish you?

He has said before he thinks its unfair he has to live with this pain.

[artlady]

He has said before he thinks its unfair he has to live with this pain.

You can't undo what has been done and I think you have paid a very heavy price already.
What does he expect from you?
Does he realize that constantly belittling you and rehashing this ,he is pushing you away?

[kirriky]

I don't think it's his "pain", I think he's a jerk and he's very posessive and controlling. He dumped you... but, what, he expected you to stay faithful to him, wait for him, and never date another man? He's selfish. Now he's already manipulated you into feeling guilty when, in fact, you did nothing wrong. He manipulated you into spending all that money to come to see him and even skipping 3 months of school. And when, after making so many sacrifices you're finally there, he's not even grateful. He demands that you "prove you're not a slut" and beg for his forgiveness. Forgiveness for what? He dumped you. You dated another man. Nothing wrong with that!

I hope you can see he's not good for you. If he wanted to get back, why didn't HE borrow some money and come to see you? He doesn't care about your studies, your finances, or your feelings for that matter. So, why do you want to be humiliated, called names, and taken advantage of? Why do you want to spend your time and your money on this guy? What future do you have together? Did you ever get to spend much time together during your long-distance relationship? Do you really know him, and know that he's worth it? He sure isn't behaving like he is, now.

[The Captain]

Hello everyone and thank you for reading.

Here's a bit of history my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3years now and 2.5 have been long distance. The first 2years everything was ok with just minor fights and stuff. Last September he started University and everything started to change. He never had time for me, he had made a bunch of new friends (girls). Of course I got jealous and so we fought all the time (mostly the distance make me more jealous,not knowing who these girls were).
By the middle of October he broke up with me.
1month later we started to talk again and I told him I wanted to be his girlfriend or nothing. He picked nothing. So December we were single and did NC.

By the new year I had met a new guy, nothing special but I was lonely and hurt ( i guess he was a rebound) I was with him sexually for about a month and realized how stupid I was being and broke up with this guy. A month later my ex(long distance) started emailing me all the time. At first I ignored them because I didn't want to get hurt but I still loved him, so I responded. He had asked about if I dated anyone and I told him yes one guy and he got soo jealous and questioned everything even sex and all. (He says he had only kissed 2 girls during our breakup)

This was in March, I told him I would go visit him in July to try and fix things. He agreed he missed me and loved me and wanted to fix things. So I am here now, across the world. I have been here for about 2months and I am leaving in week.

Now to the problem...

My boyfriend says he still can't stop thinking about how I was with that other guy. Like he says he needs me to prove I am sorry and i'm not a slut, he says he wants me to surprise him with something. But I dont no what, like I can't speak the language in this country, so I have make him an online movie, taken him to dinner a few times, make him photo albums and said sorry x3482347823483084290 times. But he is always fighting with me, he can't get over it. Like I tell him I have flown across the world for him, spend a bunch of money (I am now in debt with my mom from all this) I put my school on hold for 3months. Like he just wont accept anything. I don't know if its me missing something or what.

Do you guys have any suggestions or anythnig to help me please I love this man so much I really want to make his pain to go away, but i'm stuck i've never been in this sitution before.

Thank you so much for reading!

My girl and I had a mini break for 2 weeks... in that time, I regretted the break and called her daily... she was really angry at me... and would not come back... she had stupidly invited a guy from Italy to stay with her and her parents... keep her company, make her feel attractive etc... anyway in that period we spoke a lot and I told her please don't do anything... she was going to come back to me... anyway she did come back and during an argument 1.5 years later she told me that the guy had kissed her...

For crying out loud... there is no need to tell about these things... it only ruins the situation... just because people feel guilty... if you stray and you realise it was a mistake and it won't happen again... DONT TELL YOUR PARTNER... there is no benefit!

[asking]

I agree with pretty much everything everyone else said. Two thumbs down on the boyfriend.

My advice is that you cannot make his pain go away because he's playing up his "pain" to keep making unreasonable demands of you.

You did nothing you need to make amends for. Nothing. He broke up with you and then came back to you 5 months later. Smack in the middle of that time, you dated someone else. You were a free agent and it is none of his business. He was not even entitled to ask you about it, let alone grill the details out of you.

(And, to be frank, you don't even know if he's telling the truth about having only kissed a couple of girls.)

This man will never forgive you for having a life.

You need to get back home ASAP and try to forget him. He is toxic. When you get some distance from all this, you will realize that he is not good for you and you are lucky he moved away.

Too bad about the money and your schooling, but we all make mistakes. Don't pour time and good money after bad though and stay on in this seriously toxic relationship.

And above all, don't get pregnant, or he'll be guilt tripping you about this and other things (like burned toast and whether you remembered to pay the gas bill) for the rest of your life. (He might just try to get you pregnant to solidify his hold on you.) If you stay in that country where you don't speak the language and are far from family and friends, you will be totally at his mercy. Don't even think of it.

Go back to school and go no NC. He seems to have a hold over you, so you might consider breaking up AFTER you get back and can go no contact. Otherwise he'll talk you out of it.

[Gemini54]

I agree wholeheartedly with the other posters.

This is a really sad and expensive way for you to discover that he's a possessive, controlling, mean-spirited, immature child. Oh, and he's a jerk of the highest order.

If he can't stop thinking about the fact that you had sex with another guy while you were single, and he was the one that had opted out of the relationship, then that's ENTIRELY his problem.

It's not yours. They are his thoughts and it's his obsession. Behavior like this is called 'projection'. He's projecting his stuff on to you and I suspect he may have been cheating (or at least thinking about it) on you with all those other girls he was seeing at Univ. Now that you've talked about being with someone else he can't stand it and he's putting all his guilt back on to you.

It's an expensive lesson for you, but I would not continue with this relationship. I would not continue to try to make amends for something that does not require an apology. I would not allow this person to make you feel bad for something that he is feeling.

Distance is in your favor. Go home, Lick your wounds and get on with your life thankful that you've escaped such a person. Did I mention that he's a jerk?

[artlady]

Deleted for chat/text.

I agree with what you had to say but I want to let you know that the Moderators may pull your answer for chat speak.
Its not allowed and there is a pretty strict rule about it.
Please continue to post ,your answer was great but the chat speak is really frowned upon.
Just trying to give you a heads up :)

[Silverfoxkit]

It's all been pretty well said by now.

This man is emotionally abusing you over something that you have no fault for. You can't just set a person and relationship on a shelf like an old Christmas toy while you get new play things for a while.

Its selfish and speaks volumes of his personality for him to expect you to patiently wait for him like a loyal dog when he made it clear to you it was over. He is not the best man out there and he is more lucky then he realizes that you took him back at all when you could do far better.

Did he stop to consider your pain during those months he was doing god knows what. He claims to have only kissed two girls but that may not be completely true.

I think the "pain" he really needs to feel is a nice hard slap of reality.

[sweet1028]

What you did in the time that you two were not together, is none of his business. He was the one who broke up with you, shouldn't he be the one feeling bad for hurting you. What about the pain he caused you?

You need to just break it off with this jerk, because he probably didn't have just friends who were girls, there is more that he is keeping from you. Honestly, I think that he did the same thing and just wants to put all blame on you.

You have said you're sorry enough! If he can't accept it, so be it. Leave him.

[talaniman]

Let this whiny, girlie- boy deal with his own ego, and you walk away, and get a real man. What the heck are you holding on to? He may never grow up. You should have never given him another chance in the first place.

If this is your idea of love and romance, then your in deep do-do!

[asking]

whiny, girlie- boy

Aack! No point in insulting girls and women by comparing this guy to one.

He's a guilt tripping manipulator, and he ain't one of us!

[N0help4u]

I agree you weren't with him and had no reason to believe you would get back together.

When guys say I ONLY and then admit to one or two things they are most likely lying and on a fishing expedition as well as trying to make you look like the bad guy.


he says he needs me to prove I am sorry and I'm not a slut, he says he wants me to surprise him with something.---
He is 100% guilt tripping controlling manipulator

I have make him an online movie, taken him to dinner a few times, make him photo albums and said sorry x3482347823483084290 times. But he is always fighting with me---
DON'T you are only degrading yourself

I don't know if its me missing something or what.---you are only missing one point JERK not worth your time or breath.

Dump him like a bad habit!

[asking]

When guys say I ONLY and then admit to one or two things they are most likely lying and on a fishing expedition as well as trying to make you look like the bad guy.

That's unfortunately been my experience, too.

[crisluvsu731]

First of all, you 2 had broken up, thanks to him. You didn't ask for the break, he can't expect you to just stay single hoping that he will come back. That is his problem, not yours.

You didn't do anything wrong. You were alone and wanted comfort from someone do you did what you needed to do.

One thing he needs to realize, is that if he wants to be with you, he needs to let go of what happened when you were broken up, otherwise the relationship is not going to work. If he can't let go, he will never stop holding it over your head. Trust me, I have been there before. It's hard. You need to tell him that.

If he doesn't understand, you need to find someone who will accept you for you, and LDR are really hard. You don't have that comfort of knowing you can see them when you want, and you need that affection.

[winding200]

Like he says he needs me to prove I am sorry and I'm not a slut

Pumpkintick,
I feel for your pain. However, the guy NEVER had a serious love for you, that's why he could break up with you to be with other girls at the first place. He is keeping you now, but IT WILL NOT LAST too long no matter how hard you try. Because once he COULD dump you, he can dump you again and again, and even he has a good reason to use against you now. Always the first time breakup is difficult, but second time is much easier. The relationship is already broken when he broke up with you, but you are trying hard in false hope. You need to see the reality.

Now you are in his place, he is acting like he is trying to forgive you mercifully, and you beg his mercy and forgiveness unsuccessfully. The fact is HE IS HAVING FUN, ENJOYING HIS POWER & TAKING ADVANTAGE from you by treating you like a dirt. What he is saying is "please me like a slut, you slut" (Sorry, it is harsh, but I cannot think of any other way to say the truth). He has NO intention to forgive you or love you seriously. When a man has a real love and intention to forgive (actually there is nothing to forgive), he acts totally different. You are physically used, and emotionally abused by this guy. Period.

Trust me. He WILL NEVER marry you, because he does not respect you, and always treats you like a slut. If he become mentally-ill somehow, and marry you by accident, he will abused you forever until you are destroyed 'very seriously'. You should pray hard he should not marry you.

PLEASE WAKE UP, END IT TODAY NOT TOMORROW, AND RUN FAST! You seems a sweet girl, and please stop wasting your life & degrading yourself for the jerk. You love him, but he has NO love for you, and only abusing you. RUN FAST, and TAKE SOME ALONE TIME TO RECOVER from your loss and focus on your study. When time comes, you will meet a nice guy who will respect you like a lady not abusing you like a slut. For your mental health, get rid of everything remind him. Do not ever contact him again even though he try to reach you out with 'apologetic acting'. He is jerk, and stay away from him forever. When are you going back to your school?