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Livelaughlove94 · Jul 25, 2012, 07:07 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now. I Didn't know he had a problem with my parents until recently. When we first started dating we went on a trip to the mountains with my parents, my dad got drunk and was trying to find us in the casino he told us to wait by the escalator so we did but we were at the wrong one and didn't know it. He then cussed my boyfriend out and called him a piece of **** and later apologized in the morning.

The next event occurred last weekend. Me and my boyfriend were sitting on the couch and throwing a boy toy back and forth. My boyfriend then put my shoe in my face as a joke. He did not hurt me or anything. And my dad yelled at him saying that was enough and he wasn't going to have that in his house and as my boyfriend was getting up to leave. He told my dad he didn't need to drink so much.

The next day my boyfriend said he could not deal with the drama with my parents and said that he still loved me and cared for me and the only way to be with him is if I moved out. I love him dearly and don't want things to end between us. I don't know what to say or do to get him back and need advice.

Nikita dhir · Jul 25, 2012, 08:01 AM

Hmmmm... If he really loves you he need to accept your family as well.. Parents are such they are weird at times and are sweet heart... u have to be clear on your side.. If he really loves you he vl accept.. Ask your dad what he wants.? Evn he likes him... If yes den ask your dad to drink in limit when he is around and be a lilte calm to him.. Dnt wry evrythng vl be good.. Back.. Hav trust on your love nthng else...

joypulv · Jul 25, 2012, 09:23 AM

He told you the only way he can be happy with you is if you move out of your parents' house. How more clear can it be?
Are you over 18?

talaniman · Jul 25, 2012, 09:23 AM

You don't mention your mom,just your drunk dad. Maybe you and mom should address his drunken behavior. How old are you and your boyfriend?

Drunks are very hard to tolerate.

Laughlove94 · Jul 25, 2012, 10:24 AM

I am 17 I turn 18 August 25th my boyfriend is 18 already

My mom thinks that my boyfriend was disrespectful to my dad which he was but my dad wasn't drunk when the fight that happened last week with my dad happened my dad was sober and he didn't drink anything

talaniman · Jul 25, 2012, 10:33 AM

Thanks for the additional information. Family, parents make romance very hard, and he is one that for whatever reason doesn't fool with it. Many guys (and girls) don't. It is your parents house. Their rules prevail. To bad they can't agree to disagree.

I think your best bet is to let the dust settle, and see if cooler heads can come up with a better solution, or if he can calm down enough to be willing to talk. Give it a week. If things cannot be worked out, then what's the point?

Laughlove94 · Jul 25, 2012, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Thanks for the additional information. Family, parents make romance very hard, and he is one that for whatever reason doesn't fool with it. Many guys (and girls) don't. It is your parents house. Their rules prevail. To bad they can't agree to disagree.

I think your best bet is to let the dust settle, and see if cooler heads can come up with a better solution, or if he can calm down enough to be willing to talk. Give it a week. If things cannot be worked out, then whats the point?

My parents want to sit down and talk with him and his family about it. I told him this but he doesn't want to he thinks that it won't help. I messages his mother telling her about it and that I would like to get together with them and my parents and talk about it, now I'm just waiting on her reply

talaniman · Jul 25, 2012, 10:42 AM

I hope it works for you, please keep us updated.

Good Luck.

MrTurner · Jul 25, 2012, 11:16 AM

You also have to be careful. First off you guys are still young. I know for a fact that if my ex-wife, 19 yrs old, had messaged my mom... I probably would be a little freaked out and that would only make matters worse. It would be one thing if you guys were older, dating longer, etc. However, if he is telling you that the only way to be together is to have you move out... that is something to think about. YES family IS important, BUT the main problem in my marriage was that the wife thought her family was MORE important. When you decide to be with someone you need to find and divide that line between you and your significant other. I haven't even addressed your dads behavior. Being a young well educated and successful black man and only dating caucasian females has upset many girlfriends family and if we used the thought process of FAMILY FIRST then PROGRESSION would have never been made. You are almost 18 and YOU need to decide what's right and what YOU want. And as your PARENTS they need to respect that. The whole shoe in your face thing... like I said your still young. It sounds like your dad.. and maybe mom.. want you both to act older then you are. Evident by being drunk in front of your child at a casino. Just my two cents.

joypulv · Jul 25, 2012, 11:39 AM

Why are people talking about this as though it's an ongoing relationship? He broke up, he's GONE, and arguing about who acted how and when is all moot now.
He doesn't want to talk with your parents and his parents - that is juvenile at his age. He sounds more mature at 18 than you do at 17, at least as far as 'getting it.' You have to choose between him and your parents. The fact that he made that clear and you are here asking what to do without addressing THAT subject, moving out, makes you sound like you think you can just stay home and expect him to change for you.

Livelaughlove94 · Jul 25, 2012, 11:53 AM

Yes but he is still leading me on acting as if nothing happened. I can't move out right now I am just starting college and I do not have my license because I have pots syndrome and had to go a year without an attack so I could get my license which I will get in August I have asked him if I can stay with him when I turn 18 and then we save up money for two months and rent a house together but he doesn't want that. He says he cares about me and loves me but if he did he wouldn't be making me make the choice to move out on my own what happens if we don't last and he breaks up with me? Then I'm screwed.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2012, 12:18 PM

If you are not a priority in his life, then I see no point in making him a priority in yours.

You have many other options in life than moving from your parents house, to his parents which at this point is a lousy idea.

Get a job, and be independent on your own, without him, or your parents, or expand your education for even more, and better, options and opportunities in the future.

joypulv · Jul 25, 2012, 01:32 PM

You started saying he broke up with you and you want him back.
Now you say he is acting like nothing happened.
**SIGH**
Pretty soon you will start college, you will meet a lot of new and interesting people, and all this will seem like nothing. Teen relationships apart rarely (if ever? Does anyone know of one?) last.

Nikita dhir · Jul 26, 2012, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Why are people talking about this as though it's an ongoing relationship? He broke up, he's GONE, and arguing about who acted how and when is all moot now.
He doesn't want to talk with your parents and his parents - that is juvenile at his age. He sounds more mature at 18 than you do at 17, at least as far as 'getting it.' You have to choose between him and your parents. The fact that he made that clear and you are here asking what to do without addressing THAT subject, moving out, makes you sound like you think you can just stay home and expect him to change for you.

I agree... Its of no point of waiting you have to decide or else make him undrstand thngs from your parents point of view..

Livelaughlove94 · Jul 26, 2012, 09:08 AM

I have talked with him about the whole moving out thing and he knows I want to move out but I don't have the money right now to do that. He also still lives with his parents and they are the main reason for most of this they told him they didn't want him around my parents and told him to do whatever he wants. He is not willing to take that step with me and move out.That is asking a lot of a 17 year old to move out because in North Carolina to be dependent from your parents you must be 18. I also don't know if my parents will agree to letting me move out Because they pay for my car and I don't know if they will take my car from me if I do move out and without a car I won't be able to go to school or work.

joypulv · Jul 26, 2012, 12:38 PM

So.. you are going to college while living at home... he's at home at 18... what's he doing now that he is presumably out of high school? All these practical questions and answers will have a lot to do with the reality of what is going to happen with your relationship.
A lot of this isn't adding up. He won't have any more to do with you unless you move out, yet he's living at home, and won't get a place with you. He doesn't like your parents but expects you to figure out the impossible - your own place - at your age. HMMM... I wouldn't call that love (on his part).

Livelaughlove94 · Jul 26, 2012, 03:26 PM

He is going to the same college as me. And now he's saying he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. I've giving up now I'm moving on with my life I am moving out soon but I'm doing it for me and not him.

joypulv · Jul 27, 2012, 03:04 PM

Good.