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kuzenar · May 3, 2009, 05:50 PM

I've been in a relationship with this girl for about a year. I've changed so much for this person, tried new things, made sacrifices and ended up falling for her. She knows I care deeply about her. She said that I keep her sain when life gets complicated, I'm there for her. Anyway, I think we may have been moving a little too fast now that I think of it, but she started talking about moving in together and saving money was now "our" priority. Last month our schedules conflicted. We spend a weekend camping with her brothers friends on vacation, which I'm glad I experienced it, would go again and again. The next 3 weeks, she and I traveled, which she was to be gone for a week. We'd e text or call each other everyday, saying how we miss each other and she would send dirty jokes to make me laugh. Everything seemed peachy keen. When she gets back later that week she says she needed to see me. I felt the spark was still there, but when I arrived I got the old we should talk... She claims we are in a rut. I told her you've been traveling so much we haven't had the time to ourselves. She cried and explained that night she's afraid she's making the biggest mistake of her life, but she wants space and we need to step back, lose the title but also says, she doesn't want to lose me forever. She claims she doesn't know what she wants, she doesn't know if it's work & travel that is making the relationship sour for her. Maybe I'm too settled? She claims I don't know her when I asked if she cheated or had thoughts about it. Then after all the crying and bs, she throws herself at me and we have passionate sex. The next morning I go to leave and she tells me to get the rest of my stuff, crying again. She says give me sometime to figure this all out. So I asked, "r you giving me the green light to date other people?" She says well I don't want to hold you back. So I asked, is that what you want? She stutters and then says, "Not soon that's for sure but maybe in a little while. What do I do? Leave the ball in her court and do my own thing? How long until I contact her? Do you think she'll ever give it a chance?

JoeCanada76 · May 3, 2009, 05:51 PM

YOU CAN NOT WIN HER BACK.

If you want to have a chance with her again.. If she wants to go back with you.

YOU NEED TO BACK OFF AND GIVE HER SPACE.

Joe.

EDIT: You should never never ever change for anybody. If you had to change so much, maybe this is not the right relationship for you anyway.

StNerevar · May 3, 2009, 06:46 PM

If she needs space, give her space. And don't think about what you can do about winning her back. She'll come back if she wants to. In the meantime just keep yourself busy with friends and hobbies and such.

notaelectrician · May 3, 2009, 06:51 PM

It's the change she's not into. You need to go back to your original self. You are changing your behavior because you THINK this is what she wants. In the beginning was she dating a race horse or a pack mule. Your change has turned you into a pack mule. She wants the "old" you back.

chuff · May 3, 2009, 08:41 PM

You change for her then you assume all her baggage. Not a healthy relationship.

Mary99 · May 3, 2009, 08:46 PM

Stop thinking in the past when things were good and everything.. because I'm sorry to say but it doesn't matter anymore. Something is obviously bothering her. So I say leave her alone do NO CONTACT. She might realize she made a mistake and go back to you. But don't wait around for her, go out with friends, have fun , live your life. And were always on here for your posts

Gemini54 · May 3, 2009, 08:54 PM

From what you've described, it sounds as if the relationship was one-sided. You've changed for her, you've made the sacrifices for her, you've fitted in with her schedules.

She's got what she wanted, a puppy dog trained to respond to her commands.

Now that it's getting to - moving in together time - she's got cold feet. It's no fun any more because it's getting serious and she just wants to play.

Give her the space. Let her have the time and do something for yourself. Take some control back. Start with a fortnight and then extend it. Think about what YOU want and if you're getting it from the relationship.

Don't let someone else tell you what you should be ever again.

Fuzzball_Kara · May 3, 2009, 08:57 PM

To answer your title question:

You don't. You don't need to do anything. All you need to do is take care of yourself and don't change for anyone. The one who will be the best for you will love the package you come in. For now just busy yourself. Though it may be hard, getting your life adapted without her is what you should be doing now.

none12345 · May 3, 2009, 09:05 PM

You can't win anyone back, the only way to get back with them is if they come back themselves and you decide to give them another chance. Let her contact you, leave the ball in her court, let her sort out her feelings. Obviously she doesn't feel the same for you as she once did because she is confused now.

Do I think she ll give you another chance? Actually I don't think that's important. She is going to have to earn her chance with you this time if she decides she wants to be with you. You need to move on with your life and forget about her and stop worrying if she ll come back or not and do what's best for you and the things that make you happy.