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I would not. Are the numbers local? Within a 200 mile radius?

Giving her an ultimatum is just another form of Manipulation. You need to stop trying to control her and she you... Like I said, this is all about control in the marriage.

Stop.

You be you...

That part seems to be consistent in your post. And that part is the most troubling part anyone could face. In a normal marriage, the X may not have been an issue, but since you guys are the way you...

NOno... JMJ is steering you correctly but allow me to add.

This is about control and Manipulation. Don't ever allow someone to tell you that they cannot love you unless you change ANYTHING about...

How is that you always say things that seem to hit the Bulls-eye time after time? It is not a one time deal where you get lucky, YOU are CONSISTENT...

OP, No matter what you do, there will still...

Gemini brought it up and Cat also mentioned it.

He was "Dating" at the time. One should date around and find that perfect mate prior to marrying. Maybe if more did what he did, we'd have more...

The "Men" Commandments...

Thou shalt have no other guys before me...

Exactly... This woman needs to be shaken up a bit.

Why on earth do you beg for her when she is "catting" around with someone from work? Yes it hurts, Yes there are so many things at risk here......

Max, My gut feeling is that you've found a good old fashioned "Drama Queen"

You see very clearly where she wants to take things. You need to make a choice if you like this sort of thing.

If...

Taliniman, I'm not sure you read her other thread.

There was inappropriate behavior on her Husbands part with this other woman.

Stating that it is runrunruns fault may not be the best course...

All Good questions...

Why, if things are "better" now between the two of you, Why then does everything feel "The same" as it was before?

Better means BETTER and the same... well the same led...

After reading all that, my advice remains.

NO ONE is respecting you as a Head of the Household.

Maybe some time alone for them to reflect and re-evaluate how they think about you is in...

^^runrunrun mentioned it but briefly.

Seattle, Google the term "Withholding" and once you get past all the advice about "Taxes" you'll discover many articles describing that "withholding of...

She feels she made a mistake in Marrying you. Whatever her reasons...


... YOU need to understand that a person has stated that they do not want you.


... YOU need to understand that you...

There are many things wrong with this whole relationship. He is doing things with her that He should be doing with you... no matter how many come along and tell you otherwise, there are inappropriate...

My be the best thing.

This will be one of those times in life...

... "When I was 17 my Dad was the dumbest person on the face of the planet, When I was 23 I was amazed to find out how much he...

Wait! @!
You are a woman??

I new there was a reason... ;)

Oh this thread is awesome...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

And therein lies the $64,000,000. (million Dollar) question. And a very very valid point.

So now, "WE"(me as well) have this knowledge (thanks to you Gemini) the question is... what do we do with...

This thread has turned absurd, Newday, sorry you are the focus of this unfortunate debacle of a thread. Usually it is not like this.

It is very evident by your post that the Ex-wife had been...

Well, as you nod off, know this... you are justified in not wanting this to occur any longer. You raised the boy... he is an adult with a wife and child of his own, they need to move on and start...

Lol... there needs to be a bit more info here. What do you mean the license expires?

Gawd I wish mine had an expiration date... what line did you stand in to get one of those?

Man, I don't know... But you are allowing all these people to take advantage. I cannot know all your circumstances or nuances, but if you'd like to engage in a philosophical discussion on things, I'm...

Jeeze Louise! What an utter cluster F&*(

Yeah, you stepped in it this time.

You need to grow a pair with your wife and adult Son. Of course they don't look for a job... why should they? You've...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Gemini54 again.

Well Spoken Gemini... I'm not sure I would have been so eloquent so I'll just compliment you on your post.

Since the OP is a male...

A Shrink for Men

Sometimes we get a little miffed over always being used in examples as THE abuser

Borderline personality disorder. BPD.

Maybe you needed to heal yourself a bit more before "jumping" back in.

Weight on your Shoulders... Let's just say the power that you have "allowed" him to have over you is the weight. Your Gut is telling you that there is something not quite right about your situation....

Wow, pretty tough on there.

Understand, at this point you are still teaching your adult children how to act. They need to know at this point in their life that if they cross boundaries set forth...

LOL... where do you live?

^^I agree with talaniman but I would add this.

You need to let go of the fantasy of the perfect marriage lasting forever.

You need not look to your Husband for answers or for making your...

You should not be begging for affection.

Withholding of affection is a bad form of abuse

Google the term "Withholding"

Dude, She's a Narcissist... Run away and be a happy man...

RunRunRun,

The feeling of being drained, Sad, and incomplete... tell me. Unfortunately I know that one way to well. Betrayed is a great title as well... because after all those years of "Service"...

Parimenopause (sp)

Definition
By Mayo Clinic staff

Perimenopause marks the interval in which your body begins its transition into menopause. Perimenopause encompasses the years leading up to...

You two are not married. You didn't say if you had any kids with him...

... if not and you are not happy with him... cut off all contact and walk away. You are not obligated to him for things you...

Zactly, Branding one or the other as an abuser is way to easy. SOMETHING has gone astray from the time they decided to get Married and now.

We try to identify that issue and MAYBE, just maybe...

^Whatever...

^^You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 1800proof again.

Well stated.

The Marriage and the parties involved within are the ONLY thing that counts... the random chance...

^^yup...

But I'd wager that many of these poor behaviors that the Hubby exhibits may be in an escalated battle STEMMING from both parties being in a constant state of confusion about each other. ...

The dynamics here could be more than "He is a control freak, get out"

OP, before you take all the above advice (if you wanted to leave you would have by now), ask yourself this. Have you done...

I again, need to ask, how is this the Husbands issue to deal with?

A better question would be, Why is this issue "Rob" is having any business of bab1957's?

Wow, talk about blaming the victim...

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.

:rolleyes:

OK, You told us he abuses you but now he is a great guy and we need to hear his side of things...

OK...

Ya know... Cultivating a friendship with "Rob" outside the marriage... Play innocent all you would like about the intentions or the "no sex"... reverse the scenario and then let's talk...

A...

Well, this is your first test of "womanhood"... I'm kind of chuckling here so forgive me... I don't mean any ill will by it... but that being said, here you are considering a very very serious adult...

You have to make a choice at this point.

1) The feelings of "relief" after she had gone... have they subsided or did you get a knot in your stomach as she was crying her eyes out? Have you made...

Sorry Jake, I do not agree that she should "Butt out". As a society we are asked to stand at a wedding as a form of approval that the Union take place.

We have become spineless and allow our...