How do we,who need to take medications daily,stay compliant,(take them as prescribed) and why do we go off them, knowing the results if we do.

KBC

No further loss of consciousness since stopping atarax and increasing depakote,but I am left wondering about the lack of motivation I am going through.

Normally by this time of year I am through the depression and on to the springtime 'manic' or just normal energy.

This year is a little different than most.(in more ways than one)

I didn't hit the low this winter which I normally would, but I am also not getting out of this rut yet either,my guess is that there might be a necessity for more changes in medications.

Well Dr. KEN is on break and the med doc is the right way to go, here goes.

KBC

asking

Hi Ken,
I hope the med doctor can help.I'm very sorry your depression is dragging into the spring...

My sister's been depressed this year too and I'm definitely unmotivated regarding my work life. I've been down a lot. I haven't been working much since March. Lots of exhaustion, whether from my medication or something I don't know.

I told my doctor I wanted to try getting to a lower dose of my pain medication and she persuaded me to try going off entirely to see what my baseline pain/tiredness was. So I spent the weekend in withdrawal. I wanted to see how deep I could go in how few days. But I gave in Sunday at 2:30 am, after going cold turkey, and went to a half dose of fentanyl--from 50 mcg to 25 mcg. I'm still in withdrawal. Pain is tolerable but not very nice. Still, I'm proud of myself for being at a half dose of fentanyl compared to a week ago. Maybe in a week or two, if I stabilize, I'll go the rest of the way. Then I'll know what my normal level of pain really is and go from there.

Is lack of "ups"/mania ever age-related?
asking

KBC

Is lack of "ups"/mania ever age-related?

I have heard that this manic/depression is not something that gets better with time, but worse in severity (unless medicated properly)

Time will tell if there is any changes.

This winter was more even as far as depression, but I still isolated a bit, now I am coming out of my shell again and seem to be wondering about a little lost sometimes,work is not very appetizing.

Thanks so much for responding to my post, asking, I really do understand the withdraws and necessity to keep on meds,even if we think we don't want to,working with the med docs to move beyond an area we think we might be able to tolerate the pains, hmmm, sometimes we need to stay medicated,pain is pain, sometimes we have no choice,I know I have no choice about needing to stay medicated,use good judgment on the decision and remember I am routing for you!!

Ken

asking

Thanks, Ken! Very nice to hear from you. I don't know whether I'm "supposed" to be on these meds or not. The pain doctor encouraged me to stay on; my regular doctor talks about "all those drugs" I'm on disparagingly, although I'm really only on one drug, plus a tiny amount of one another. Friends the same, some supportive, some judgmental. I don't know what's right, but it clearly affects me a lot in some bad ways. I'm always tired and often sick, but I don't know if that's related to the medication or something else, so I'm trying to get off to find out. I'm definitely not in much more pain on half as much fentanyl, so there's no reason to be on the higher dose.

I had one good morning yesterday, but otherwise I've been in weak withdrawal pretty constantly for a week--like I have a hot coal in my chest all the time and can't keep a thought in my head from one minute to the next. Wish I could have a day off. Thanks again. Glad things were steadier for you this winter, even if not great. I hope you get some ups soon. Have you taken a hike, seen anything beautiful? That helps me, exercise and wilderness. I found a pretty frog in my backyard a week ago.

KBC

Well...I am starting to question the meds again

I sleep more than I am awake now(for the past 4 months)

My weight has increased from the lack of activity and the med doc. wants me to stay on the meds like they are?

I am loosing trust?belief?in the doctor.

This is a red flag in my Manic/depression I know,common sense and being correctly medicated are important and I am looking for an outlet(thinking about using street drugs again.)

I have even thought about getting off the prescribed meds so mania will return and there won't be any conflict with the other drugs.

I know,I know, this is just another case of crying out for help, but I am just looking for an outlet for this crazy frustration( I miss the feelings of being high mania brings)

KBC

asking

Hi Ken,
I feel frustrated for you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be struggling with these conflicts and urges. Sometimes life deals us limited options, not the one we want. But think about what's best for you in the long run, not what is going to bring temporary relief. It might be worth the trouble to find another doctor you trust more to give you a second opinion you can live with. You could spend some time looking for someone known to be really good in this area . . . I would talk to someone else before making any changes.

I don't blame you for not wanting to feel sleepy all the time. And while I can imagine mania must feel good, it'll be followed by depression that I assume is really painful and bad. Yes? Surely it's not worth it.

What kind of street drugs are you thinking of? What happens when you take them?

Take care. I'm thinking of you.
Asking

KBC

street drugs?

Cocaine, it keeps me up for a while,expensive but I have been through bouts of on and off of it over the years,I can take it or leave it as needed,maybe that's a part of the manic/depression.....chaos theory,up or down,no in between.

I do realize this is a little pathetic,,,why complain about it, just go do it.But maybe I'll not need to use if I write.

Thanks for your responses asking, they do help

Ken

asking

I wish I could really help! But I don't think it's pathetic at all to talk about this. That's what this thread is for. It's good to talk about how you are feeling--what you are going through is very hard. I can see that. And I don't judge you at all for feeling like trying something different. I have been to lots of lows myself, and sometimes just saying something out loud puts it outside of you where you can see whether it's a reasonable idea or not.

I've used cocaine, though not since I was a lot younger. I can see the appeal for a given day. (I admit I loved it at the time, though I never used much, in part because I couldnt' afford it.) But it seems like it would increase the number of problems you have to deal with over periods of months versus of days. It's expensive, illegal, which means you have to worry about this and that. Is there a down period after you use it? And does a person habituate to the dose and have to take more gradually? For me those would all be considerations. Plus, I think I remember your daughter lives with you? Even if she's an adult, I would think about how it would look to her, how it might affect her image of you and of herself.

If you actually think cocaine is going to be better than what the doctors are giving you and CAN give you, I wouldn't necessarily say you shouldn't. It's a matter of balancing the pros and cons. But there are definitely some cons...

What did you think about getting another opinion from another doctor? Someone with stellar credentials. Is that something you could do?

Hoping you feel better soon.

simoneaugie

Wow Ken, Ive been there. Sometimes it gets weird being weird all the time. There are social conventions that I worry about, but can't keep up with them all.

I mentioned this before, and you said that trying a different drug without a doctor's prescription was not your first choice. I talked to you about Salvia Divinorum which is legal. It has made my life incredibly better.