[Demolition49]

Let me start by summarising our relationship, we are both 18 years of age, this may sound young for some of the members here to be in a sexual relationship but this is the reality of today and id like to ask a few major questions to help me out in my relationship. We have been together since Dec 19 2007, that makes it around 1 year and one month. Over this period I've learned many personal things about my girlfriend and we have become very close and very emotionally attached.

Please take not before reading this my girlfriend was in a very abusive relationship before me for around 6 months, she was with a guy who would push her and kick her on the floor because she refused to have sex with him and so he kicked her in her vagina repeatedly several times, so badly she was crying and begging for him to stop, he wouldn't ever listen and this continued for 6 months, he said nasty things to her to make her feel depressed and was always trying to force her to do things she wouldn't want to do. She eventually broke up with him, but because he lived near her area she would be bothered by him and his friends every day as she made her way back from college, he would say things to her like "i can you as hard as i hit you" and this kind of thing would happen on many occations when she made her way home every day. I met her at college and eventually she told me that there was her x bothering her when she went back from college but at the time I didn't know the full story of what cruel things he did to her in the past. I was worried for her and told I'm taking you home, I want to make sure your safe, she didn't want me to take her home I don't think she wanted me to see him in case something happened, I told her what id do if I saw him, she didn't want me to get involved, so I tried to let it slip, but I couldn't, each day she would text me after she got in telling me how she was bothered again and called nasty names and shoved against the wall.
At this point I was growing very angry at these people and was going to wait around her area and attack this guy with a bunch of friends, I told her what I wanted to do, she told me don't, so I had to listen I didn't want to escalate the cituation as if I beat him up he's open to do what he wants to her when I'm not there as he lived around that area, eventually him and his friends stopped bothering her. I told her
I'm want to drive you home and started to take her home every day and nobody bothered her this way, she was always safe, my girlfriend is a very attractive girl and has been asked by many modelling agencies to work for her but she never had any interest so naturally around her area guys bother her anyway just for her number or even to steal things off her like her phone (she has been mugged twice for her phone) so I couldn't take it anymore as I can't fight the world so I decided to drop her home every day. Everything started getting better she's safe, she's never been attacked mugged or anything of the sort now, but as our relationship grew (by this time about 6 months) I forget how it came about but I asked her about her x and what he did, it was very hard to get it out of her and even to this day she is like a shell and will not want to talk for long about ANYTHING if it's a problem, shed rather shut down and not talk (literally not talk).

Sorry for the length here is a quick summary...

We eventually had sex, it was good and she was happy.
Her sex drive and self-esteem are very low (people are y and childish and make horrible comments to her in college which affects her greatly)

Its not been a long time since all of these problems have happened and for some reason her sex drive is very low, I've asked her and tried to discuss with her about sex, she says she's not in the mood... or she's not that kind of girl, maybe I should find another girl out of anger at times when we heavily discuss things and I get mad.

I can't even touch her in the lower sexual areas of her body when she's not in the mood she will push me away even if it feels good. It is very rarely she wants to do anything with me, which has left me feeling very unloved as she is a very kept to herself person, its hard to talk with her about anything and when I confront her she gets mad and won't talk for a day with me, I am willing to work things out and admit when I am wrong but she finds it very hard to apologize when she is in the wrong, and when she does it's a quick sorry and that's all id get, where as if I make the mistake its several sorrys and a day of making up to her.

I love her very much so and I can't let sex get in the way of our emotional bond despite our problems were do have a very close connection and we both feel it very much so, we spend a lot of time together and I know she loves me equally.

I don't know what to do, its been so long since I've had sex (were 18, its meant to be our prime) and I don't get what I can do to help the cituation, I'm not sure if its her low sex drive or her history that's making her like this, I don't want to heavily discuss about it too much or I risk making her feel upset and remembering a past she doesn't want to remember.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, this issue is very close to me and has been on my mind and dpressing me for months.

[Demolition49]

Where it says:

Its not been a long time since all of these problems I meant to say...

Its been a long time since all of these problems.

[Romefalls19]

You have to understand her background, and I feel it may be way too much for you to handle. If you were constantly forced into something for so long, you are going to fight the urge to do it because you feel "dirty or worthless" when you do. I know this because of someone close to me going through it. It's heartbreaking to hear about and it takes a big man to stand in those shoes and her about how his girlfriend was forced to do things of that nature.

She needs to go and get some help for this issue as there really is nothing you can do to help her emotionally. As for wanting to fight her ex, that will solve nothing and only create problems. Please don't do this, and especially don't do it with "friends" because that's just a sad move.

[Demolition49]

Your totally right about the fighting thing, I'm way past that almost half a year ago, but I do think that what those kind of guys deserve, and no I'm not going to let this get in the way of our relationship atall so whatever happens I'm staying around for good, I just need a way to break this constant negative cycle if that makes any sense.

[Romefalls19]

I understand what you are saying and I completely agree with your statement with that's exactly what those guys need. Sometimes that is what makes us men and them "guys" because we would rather take the high road and think about the women in the situation rather than our own wants.

Just reassure her that you are here for the long run and won't hurt her like the rest. Let your actions speak louder than the words you are speaking as well.

[talaniman]

It would help you to understand its not about what you want, but what she needs. Without help, which you cannot give, she will not empathize with your needs, as she has her own issues to deal with. What she has been thru, may take a lot of years, or decades, to heal from.