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    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:18 PM
    A friend with HIV/AIDS
    I have a (girl) Friend that is HIV positive and she recently broke up with this Guy that was really taking good care of her. The break up was because she wanted to be with women Bisexual relationship. The only problem is the lady that My friend is seeing (having sex with) does not know she is HIV positive. I have confronted her to tell this lady but she is refusing to do so.
    My Question is what should I do? Should I tell this Other Lady or not?

    The Problem if I want to tell this other lady is I don't have contact with her I only see her on Facebook and if I was to be friends with her My HIV friend will Know that I told her. So can you guys Advice on how to go about this if the advice is to tell?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:21 PM
    Tell the other lady... your friend isn't much of a friend if she plans on giving AIDS to ANY other uninfected person by not informing them.

    In many areas that is actually a crime.

    Put yourself in the position of that other woman... or imagine you going out with a guy that knows he has it but decides to not tell you.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:24 PM
    I agree with smoothy.
    You ask yourself whether friendship takes precedence over someone else's life.
    As said, it's a crime in many places, close to premeditated murder.
    You'd probably tell if she were slowly poisoning someone with arsenic, right?
    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:27 PM
    Well she broke up with this guy and Now she is scared that this lady will dump her and she will be single. She is just shellfish. But How should I do it as I don't have this other ladies contact?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #5

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:29 PM
    PM her on Facebook... it won't be visible to ANYONE else... don't just post on her wall... YOu said you can see her on Facebook... there is your means to contact her.
    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:30 PM
    But Guys My Next Question is How should I do It as I don't have contact with her?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #7

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:32 PM
    Either you can message her on Facebook or you can't. Try it and let us know.
    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:33 PM
    But we have to be friends first before I can PM her. If I become friends with her my friend will see that I am friends with her girlfriend which she does not want me to do.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #9

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:34 PM
    You said you see her on Facebook...

    To hell with what your so called friend thinks...

    If you can live with the knowledge this other women contracted AIDS because you were concerned about what someone thinks that doesn't have the human decency to inform her partners in advance she is HIV positive... then you are no better than she is.

    Besides you can tell her in your friends request... only she will see it. There is a message field. Its not a PM... but its not public either.
    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:36 PM
    I have tried been friends with one of her friends so that I can tell them to tell her that her Girlfriend is HIV Positive. Is that also not a good plan?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #11

    Dec 30, 2011, 04:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kalaka View Post
    I have tried been friends with one of her friends so that i can tell them to tell her that her Girlfriend is HIV Positive. is that also not a good plan?
    No... screw your "friend"... if she will infect someone with something like AIDS... just think what she would do to you. And at some point WILL. Sorry but I've known people like that... and its never IF but when you get taken advantage of. (Not HIV specifically but ripped off, blamed to take the heat off them.. or plain used)

    Tell the other directly. It's the Moral thing to do... its the right thing to do. Then you KNOW they were informed.

    And I'd reconsider who and what you consider friends... this woman is no real friend I would want around if she does that... think of how many you DON'T know about... you know about this... she won't think twice about doing it again, and again... etc.

    This isn't cheating... this kills people... ruins their quality of life... and is incredibally expensive for the treatments just top remain alive as long as you can... this is very, VERY serious.

    Hell. If it was me... I'd also tell the police about it...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #12

    Dec 30, 2011, 06:47 PM
    Agree, just go tell them, trying to tell someone to tell them, sorry that is 12 year olds trying to date or something, You go and tell the truth in person and let it fall where it does.
    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Dec 31, 2011, 05:49 AM
    Guys I did not ask this Question because I am a little Boy. I asked because I wanted some advice from you. By the way I don't live at the same town as this other Lady. I don't have contact with this other people that is what I have been trying to tell you guys. But I have had enough and seen all you have written I will do what I Have to do. Thanks again
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #14

    Dec 31, 2011, 10:19 AM
    Listen YOU told us you know her Facebook account... you could make a friends request... then PM her... You could even tell her WHEN you make the friends request. YOU have a way of telling her. You told us you did. We know how Facebook works... we use it too all the time...

    If you have any decency at all... you will do it. If you don't do it, then lets hope it happens to you next , since you clearly don't grasp the seriousness of the matter.

    Maybe then you will share the fate this women did... after all... its really not a big deal when YOU are involved is it?

    You put the feelings of a lowlife scumbag that doesn't care about infecting an innocent person with a fatal disease ABOVE all else... YOu pick some really wonderful friends... thats all I can say.

    Remember... what goes around comes around... Karma has a way of rewarding you for your transgressions.
    kalaka's Avatar
    kalaka Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Jan 1, 2012, 12:28 PM
    I wish you guys A happy new year.

    Well you guys can't believe it I sent a friendship request to this Lady On FB instead of her accepting my request all she did was to tell my friend that I sent her a friendship request. So she refused my request and Now I don't know what to do anymore.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #16

    Jan 1, 2012, 12:46 PM
    So did you TELL her in the message field with the friends request? Once she is aware of the situation... then it becomes her responsibility.

    And do you intend to call someone that wants to kill this woman a slow death a friend any longer.

    I would want NOTHING to do with another person that treats the health of others so casually... even if it was something like HPV or Herpes. Which can't be cured either, but at least aren't fatal.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #17

    Jan 1, 2012, 12:53 PM
    I don't know where this is happening. If it's in the US, particularly in NY, if "you" KNOW an HIV positive person is having unprotected sex YOU are participating in a criminal act. Someone was recently charged in Jamestown, NY.

    So OP calls the other person - whether he knows her or not - or sends her a message. I didn't know you had to be a Facebook member to use messaging. If so, yes, put "HIV" in the heading.

    In the meantime - "She is just shellfish."
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #18

    Jan 1, 2012, 12:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I don't know where this is happening. If it's in the US, particularly in NY, if "you" KNOW an HIV postive person is having unprotected sex YOU are participating in a criminal act. Someone was recently charged in Jamestown, NY.

    So OP calls the other person - whether he knows her or not - or sends her a message. I didn't know you had to be a Facebook member to use messaging. If so, yes, put "HIV" in the heading.

    In the meantime - "She is just shellfish."
    when you send a friends request... there is a field where you can type info in.. its optional... like to explain how you think you know them... and they will see it... but to PM them, they would have to be friends...

    They CAN get the message to the other person... even if they don't accept the request that way.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #19

    Jan 1, 2012, 01:48 PM
    Thanks, Smoothy - I thought there was a way to send a message.

    I forgot to mention - if my friend were running around with HIV she'd be looking at the dust as I ran in the other direction, concerned about her total disregard for other people.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #20

    Jan 1, 2012, 02:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Thanks, Smoothy - I thought there was a way to send a message.

    I forgot to mention - if my friend were running around with HIV she'd be looking at the dust as I ran in the other direction, concerned about her total disregard for other people.
    Terminology is important... you aren't technically messaging them or PMing them... but it IS a way to get a message to someone that's not currently a friend.

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