[lemon14]

I have a long distance relationship with this guy I can hardly resist. I mean, he so mysterious, so funny and imaginative... still I usually don't know what he feels and how to comfort him in bad times. Moreover, when we meet he is so involved in my person, I feel him so close and open... he can really make me feel loved, but I think he goes a little bit too far sexually. We know each other for about one month and he has already tried twice to have a sort of sex with me. I can't deny that he thrills all my senses and he's the first one who has gone so far, but I fear it's too early to be that close. As a rule, I don't believe in horoscope but I tried to find some explanations by reading about Scorpio sign and I learned that they are a sort of gods of sex and that it is very meaningful to them. I want to know more about him before having sex, so what should I do? Do you happen to have Scorpio friends? How do you get to their thoughts?

[imfkdup]

Don't believe in horoscope, god didn't say anything about any zodiac sign.. those are all written by humans.. don't go that far with him, it's just been one month.. I'm just saying this because usually guys use girls like this, they convince you so beautifully that you think he's different from other guys and ****. Every guy has his own technique of fooling a girl to have sex with him.. I'm not saying that this guy is cheating on you, I'm just warning you so that you won't have to regret later that you trusted him.. having sex shouldn't be everything to a guy. If you see that he's trying to get physical more when compared to taking care of you, understand that he's using you for sex. You're a girl and having sex is a very big thing and having sex with some guy who just came into your life is not the right thing.. only the man who's been made for you, your husband, has the right to have sex with you. Not some guy who don't even properly know. Don't let him use you. Just keep observing what matters much to him, loving and taking care of you(like your health, your appetite and every small and big thing), or having sex(which you must understand by the way he's talking to you, like if he's trying to make you want him and if he's talking about all those things which will make you fall for sex). Just see what he's talking about the most. See if he's worthy of everything you're going to do for him.. learn him, and don't let him think that he can have you easily. Make it very tough for him and test him, if he's really fallen in love with you, he'll go through everything. If it's just for sex. He'll show his true colors.. take your own time in learning him there's no hurry.. sex lasts only for minutes. Love lasts forever.. it's in your hands to choose what you want

[lemon14]

Thank you, imfkdup!
This is an extremely enlightening answer, I will follow your advice.

[imfkdup]

I wish you best luck :)

[Cat1864]

Lemon, how old are you? How old is he? How many times have you met in person?

You should never feel forced or coerced into doing something that isn't right for you. You should also not play games or give your 'boyfriend' tests to see if he loves you.

Be honest with your boyfriend that you feel things are moving too fast. Relationships that are primarily long distance take longer to develop than those where the partners see each other more often. It may seem like it is growing faster due to talking more than touching, but you aren't seeing the whole person and how that person interacts with others and the environment they are in. Spend the time you are together getting to know more about each other.

Remember that a good bit of long distance (and brand new) relationships is imagination. Your mind filling in the blanks. While you may think you 'know' him, you don't. Take time and be careful. Some predators are very patient and will wait for quite a while to get their prey. Make certain he is who he says and you think he is before making any possibly life altering decisions.

[lemon14]

I'm 19, he's 20.

We've constantly met in person about 2 weeks, every time in completely different situations, so I had the chance to learn how he is like around other people and only around me. I'm a pretty reserved and suspicious person, I hardly trust people around me, so I have been careful with every detail, but he didn't fail in any aspect. We were both born in a small town, so people know each other and everybody is very pleased with him in all respects, I've never heard anything wrong about him or his family...

When he has to go at the university we talk quite often, but we only make small talk, rarely does he talk about himself, what he likes or what he thinks. But when he has those moments, he's amazing, he really knows how to express his feelings about something and by far, we have a lot of things in common. I just, I wish he talked more like this... Of course, I like having fun, he makes me laugh until I cry... still it doesn't help me know him that much.

I've also tried to tell him that he goes a little bit to far, but the only answer I've got is "As long as you enjoy it, nothing else matters." I do enjoy kissing and hugging, but that's all I want for the moment. I cannot stop him go further unless I take his hands off me and understands. I tend to believe that I should show him what I want rather than tell him, for he doesn't seem to understand, but how am I to do that?

[Cat1864]

Let me guess. Each time he tries to get a little bit farther before you move his hands away.

but the only answer I've got is "As long as you enjoy it, nothing else matters."

In other words, 'I am going to make you enjoy it and then when I cross the line it is your fault not mine.'

Ask yourself this: Do you trust him to stop if you don't do or say anything?

Do you want control over what happens to your body or is part of your thought pattern that someday you won't say anything and just let him have his way? If that thought is anywhere in your brain, make certain you are on birth control and that you know for certain he is clean of any and all sexually transmitted diseases or infections.

While in small towns everyone pretty much knows everyone else, sometimes people do hide secrets that others don't find out about until too late. What he does when he is away may be a lot different than the person you think you are coming to know.

Sit down with him and talk about your limits and expectations. Do not continue to have make out sessions with him until he understands where your boundary line is and respects it without you making him stop.

Be careful. Be in control of your own body.

[lemon14]

You're so right, Cat1864. You really alarmed me with this:

'I am going to make you enjoy it and then when I cross the line it is your fault not mine.'

I couldn't stand hearing this from him, so I must fix this problem as soon as possible.

I'm not sure if I let the impression that I'm careless about my body, but you can be sure that I won't let anybody take advantage of it or abuse it in any way. But I'm human and I suppose it's normal to react to touch, not that far, anyway...

Now that I've heard so many points of view, I will be more careful about his real person, although, as I've already said, I didn't notice nothing suspicious yet.

[Cat1864]

Lemon, I didn't think you were careless about your body. My concern is the possibility of you getting carried away or caught up in the moment and him taking advantage. It's something that can happen to anyone especially with people they think they can trust.

I am glad you are going to be more proactive about what you want and need. Take care.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to have a talk with him and let him know that you are not ready for a sexual relationship. He will either understand and respect this or he won't.
It is your body and you don't have to put up with unwanted sexual advances.

[mmresd]

Maybe that is what he is interested in? Hopefully is not ALL he is interested in.

However, Scorpio or not, if you do not fell 100% sure I advise for you to tell him that you are not ready, if he respects you, he will respect your decision.

[talaniman]

After a month when a guy pushes past your boundaries then you tell him DON'T do, and if he keeps pushing you have no more to do with him. Never let curiosity, or feelings of attraction leads you to settle for less than you deserve or want.

In the absence of reading someone's intentions then trust your own common sense and instincts, and this guy is easy to read, because he pushes to see how far he CAN push and get what he wants. He is sexually aggressive, charming, and engaging, and knows it. He knows what he wants and how to get it but once he does, he will move to the next interest.

What's obvious is he wants your body, and cares nothing for your mind and heart, so is selfish. See he isn't that hard to read, and I can also tell you that after a few more meetings you will also see these things for yourself. You just don't know enough after a month, of a few meetings and interactions.

But you will find he doesn't deserve your heart, and won't do the right things with it if you are foolish enough to give it to him. Trust me, I am a guy, and can tell when a young girl is smitten, trusting, how far and fast to push. HOW? You have already let him get away with ignoring your wishes, and should have read him the riot act after his first disrespectful transgression of taking liberties with his hands.

Did he apologize? I doubt it, and is clearly setting you up to get what he wants and he will no doubt confuse you when he withdraws his attentions, and puts them on an easier target because you are just a tease in his eyes.

He is a charming dog. He knows what on your mind, even if you have no clue what's on his. Protect yourself at all times, and pay attention and you are being sorely tested. But I suspect, you already know all I have written.

[lemon14]

Today I caught him lying. I called him around 2 PM just to see what's new. I didn't have the time to call him when he wanted me to because I was at school, so I called him after classes. He didn't answer and I told to myself "It's ok, he's probably busy with something". He called me back one hour later and he said he was having a bath... fair enough... I know he likes having long baths. Tonight, while we were chatting he told me that he's going to have a bath and when I asked him "again?" I was surprised to find out that he didn't actually have a bath today :| Well, I understand that he is stressed and tired with his exams, but I'm sure it's not possible to become so unaware of what you are saying. So, he undoubtedly lied.

After giving a second thought... I considered this second excuse was a sort of inoffensive way of withdrawing from a previous discussion I brought... I just had a pretty bad day, therefore, I'm not very sociable and I prefer to be left alone with my thoughts, but since he wanted me to chat, I couldn't refuse... so I asked him if he happens to have such days and he deals with thoughts. Surprisingly, he freaked and said he was not able to give any advice in his state (stressed with the exams).

And if go backwards a few days, I could understand this reaction too. One evening we had been chatting as usual and the next day he was to sit an exam so I advised him against staying all night awake but sleep instead. He reassured me that he was used to learn over night, so I dropped it, it's his life, his decisions. I went to sleep and 40 minutes afterwards he sent me a message apologising for saying inappropriate things (which didn't happen). The next day, when I asked him what felt so wrong he told me that he was sending some parts of out conversation to his best friend, who reprimanded him for being disrespectful with me. So... it means that he's seeking advice about out relationship... which is not bad, some points of view from the outside can be quite useful sometimes. Now, turning back to his reaction, it might be possible that he didn't expect me to talk about problems and he did not know how to help me, so he probably didn't want to talk to me until he asked his friend what to do... but I don't care about advice, he lied to me.

So today I became suspicious for the first time. I would do anything to find out more about his hidden life... but how am I supposed to do that? I guess his friends won't tell me frankly what's going on and coming up with questions out of the blue would only create a terrible mess. Is there a 'covered' way to obtain some information?

[Homegirl 50]

You barley know the guy. If you are that suspicious of him why are you wasting your time?
If you think he is not who and what he says he is, that he is lying to you, leave him alone. It is tacky to go snooping in his business

[talaniman]

Please curb your curiosity. As homegirl expressed its better to back away and refocus than go snooping on a fishing expedition. That you don't understand him, and are developing trust issues after a month is a red flag that you are pushing to hard, are too curious, or moving to fast, AND making a bigger deal out of his personal ways than is necessary. Any of the above is a caution to back off, and rethink, since you have not developed the repoire or comfort to just ask.