I'm just wondering what your ideas are of what a normal, healthy relationship is? What are the "rules" when arguing or just dealing with eachother? What is absolutely off-limits? Thank you so much for any input you might offer.

milliec

my ideas are of what a normal, healthy relationship should be:


MUTUAL:


love, trust, respect.

recognizing each other needs and limits, and respecting them.

SHARE LIFE: allow each other to grow, develop, and reach the dreams, the aspirations. be happy with the other when they reach them, regard it as your victory as well. in many ways it is, for offering the most needed support, and for not being in the way.
help heal wounds life inflicts on us.

sensitivity to the other person’s feelings and sore points.

support the other in bad times

ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY: don’t blame the other for your mistakes:

admit and regret them, and SAY YOU’RE SORRY



for all the above to happen, each party should get involved in it when they have a strong personality and well established selfrespect




"What are the "rules" when arguing or just dealing with each other? What is absolutely off-limits?"

First I’d like to mention I think arguing is a healthy and much needed process.
I’d say that off-limits are abusive remarks, a poisonous way of bringing up issues, touching the sore points in a painful way.
ANY KIND AF ABUSE is absolutely off-limits, and should NOT be tolerated – in my opinion, mental abuse is more destructive than physical abuse- the last one can permanently injure the body, or even terminate life, but mental abuse can kill the soul, which, in my opinion, is sacred and eternal.

Shouting is not always the worst thing, if kids are not around, poisonous things can be whispered, and sometimes the damage is worst.





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Did it help ?

Take care,
Millie

RickJ

I absolutely 2nd Millie's post...and here's a link to an article I read recently that I really loved:
http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ighlight=rules

fredg

Hi,
After being married the 1st time for 7 yrs, then Divorced, I did learn a lot.
Now married for 29 yrs, and still going strong!
A Good Relationship (not necessarily marriage) has to have:
1. Caring
2. Real Love
3. Compromise
4. Wanting the other to be happy, and sometimes forgetting about yourself, doing what makes the other happy. Strong Ego's have no place in a good relationship; unless the other is completely passive all the time!
Rules for arguing: Is different for different people. Some can shout and call each other names, normal for them, get mad, then get over it. Others can't, and become even more hostile. It takes time to discover which is true in any relationship.
5. Avoid: Moot questions; which are those that have no answers, learned with time. Some subjects are best left alone.
Best wishes.

orange

I loved Millie's suggestions; they were great! As usual of course I am not able to leave a comment haha. Fred's were very good too. I just wanted to add that, it has been important for me in my relationship, to not rely on my husband for everything. Whether that's emotionally, financially, friendship-wise, etc... even though your spouse is the most important person in your life, he or she can't fulfill all your needs and shouldn't be expected to. You need to have other people in your life as well ... friends, family, co-workers, etc, who fulfill certain needs. And conversely, your spouse shouldn't expect you to be "their everything". Other than that, I don't have much to add. The posts you've already received were awesome.

aqua@home

Thank you all for your answers. I tried to comment on Millie's but I was not allowed.

You guys have some great ideas. I suppose no relationship is perfect, but I do like to try to improve ours all of the time. Other people don't let you see the real guts of their relationships and sometimes I feel very alone and don't know if what I'm doing is good or not. I do try to live by the golden rule, but sometimes it's hard. I know relationships are work and I wanted to make sure I was on the right track. Thanks again for your thoughts.

aqua@home

Rickj, I thought I would comment on your post, but I couldn't. That was a great link. It was very thorough. Maybe I should search the sight a little more. Thank you very much.

sportyyellow

Always be totally honest and NEVER bring up the past