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I'm 16 years old and last night, my 20 year old boyfriend who I have been dating for about 3 and a half months asked me to marry him. The time we have spent together has been phenomenol and we both feel like we have been dating for at least a year. I, of course, responded to his question with a "yes". My question is, is it the right thing? He makes me feel so amazing and I have never been this close to a guy. I have had sex with him and we talk on the phone every night for at least 3 hours. So I don't think that all he wants is sex, but i am not sure and have been thinking about it since he asked me. Was my decision the right one?
My parents met when my mother was 16 and my dad was 22, fresh out of the navy. They have been married for over 42 years. So, I am not sure the age difference bothers me. My husband is 3.5 years older than me. So..
But to consider marriage right now and only after 4 months of dating, I don't think it is wise. I think, in life, we have to figure out who we are before we can be a good friend, wife, mother etc. Marrying, even at 18, I don't think you know exactly who you are yet.
What would be wrong with waiting - go to college, live a little?
Don't waste your life by wishing it away. "I wish I was 18", "I wish it was friday".
ENJOY TODAY AND WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER YOU. Tommorrow it will be over. Work on YOU - as you, not as a wife.
You are still basically a child. IMO 16 years is too young to be married, 18 is too young for that matter. You have graduation from high school to think about, college. 3 months is not long enough to know anything, you are still in a state of lust and infatuation which is not a good mix for deciding to marry. If this guy is still around, give it a couple of years.
What does this guy do for a living. Do your parents know about this guy?
My thoughts are yes, you are too young to marry. I am 24 now, but when I was a freshman in high school I started dating a guy and we dated for over 2 years. It was exciting and fun but we at the end decided we were very different people with very different dreams and I realize how much I missed because I was in a serious relationship. That doesn't mean that you will not end up marrying this guy. Just don't rush into agreeing to marry him. Especially after only 3 months. You still have a lot of living to do and marriage is a full time commitment. So I would say to take it a day at a time. Besides, if he himself is only 20, then he still has a lot of living to do too. You never know who or what might come along. Besides do you really want to go to college married?
You should be thinking of school and fun, not how you are going to pay your bills, when you graduate.
Its not necessarily a wrong decision, but it all depends on how you act upon it. If you run away and get married before you're 18... BIG mistake.
There is nothing wrong with being engaged for a few years. Talk about college, work, raising kids, religion, family life, morals, politics, budgets, the future, death, insurance, living wills, money, bills, and all those fun things that married couples have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Give yourselves time to learn about each other and grow as a couple and as individuals.
One day down the line you'll either be 100% sure you're ready for the challenge, or 100% sure you would be happier going your seperate ways.
My cousin is 18 and proposed to his 15yr old gf. (stupid, I know) She dug it and they seemed happier than ever... but 2 months later she split. The pressure was too much and she wanted to be 15 again. She made the right decision for both of them.
This might be your situation, it might not. Just take your time; this isn't something to be taken lightly. I know.... I dated my first love for 4 years before we got engaged when I was 16. Turns out, I was meant to marry someone else though.
hmmm, morals???? that one has already been shot down! but the last paragraph gives good experienced information.
lets see here, some are telling her that yes it is okay to consider marriage at such an early, impressionable age. she has already lost the morals race i think by partaking in sexual acts with this MAN of 20 yrs old. i think she should be thinking of the future that she wants, chances are this guy is going to use her for awhile longer, then dump her and crush her tender little heart for some other young girl that he can control and have sex with. she says they have only dated for 3 1/2 months, that is way to soon for all this commitments. she needs to enjoy her school years and plan her college and career paths, not be worried with some older guy taking advantage of her.
and one other thing directed directly to the original poster. when you take your marriage vowels, remember to think about what YOU and your groom Promise to GOD, you promise GOD, " 'til death do you part".
and where is your parents, what are their thoughts on this situation? ask them if they are ready to be a grandparent yet, and see what their faces and reations to that question is going to be.
and another thing, remember that not any pregnancy prevention device available is 100% guaranteed to prevent unwanted, or unplanned pregnancy except the one that GOD prescribed, that would be abstinence. abstinence is the only 100% guaranteed form of birth control available today.
Well you're awful young. How long do you plan on staying engaged? At 16 and 20 years of age, are you ready, financially and otherwise, to maintain a home and raise a family? You're not even finished high school yet and he certainly hasn't had a lot of time to acquire a solid marketable skill that'll enable you to support yourselves and whatever children you end up having. Frankly I'd wait until you've both acquired solid, stable careers before getting married.
TO MOWERMAN!
umm. i dont think you get it in our world today, teenagers go through so much more drama and peer pressure than "back in the day", girls can be horrors at 13 not even. our world is going to crash, and honestly i think she should live her life too.
-you should live your life, i mean if he really loves you he will wait until you are ready, you may think your ready now which you probably are, but live ur life. because u would never know what you missed.
Brandy is asking for advice, she asks if her decision is the right one. Mowerman has some life experience to draw from, in which he can answer with some authority as to the consequences of jumping off of the cliff without a net. Having an opinion is everyones right. Having an informed opinion is what is of value here. Peer pressure and drama are nothing new. I believe they were invented sometime before that old tearjerker, 'Romeo and Juliet'. A story about a couple of kids,written in the fifteenth century. 13 year old 'horrors'? ummm, 'Lolita' covers that one. About the world crashing...if you have insider information I would like to have it. But, you redeem yourself in the second half. Yep, she should wait. As S cianci wrote, there is a lot to be said for having a marketable skill. Having a roof over your head, and food in your belly, makes the time waiting for the world to crash more pleasant.
I know that this response is a little late... But if you want to marry him, I would definitely stay engaged until you're at least 18 years old. Just so you know, him having sex with you is statutory rape, even if your parents are ok with it & regardless of whether or not you consented. At any time, the state can pick up the case & prosecute him for statutory rape without a 3rd party involved (ie: you or your parents). I've seen it happen to a few friends of mine & if you love him & want the best for him, do not post a confirmation on the internet about any kind of sexual involvement between you two! If I were you, I would delete any & all evidence of that, especially if you have any identifying information online that can be linked to you, which would convict him. There are government officials scanning the internet 24 hours a day, 7 days a week specifially looking for child molestation/pornography/statutory rape, etc! I think it's insane that the government can do this, but it is what it is & we have no control over it! All we can do is protect ourselves!!! Even if you or your parents consent the relationship, the state can still step in & charge your boyfriend (for statutory rape) & your parents (for negligence)!! So, back to your original question... I don't think you should get married at least until you are 18. I know from my own experiences, you will grow a lot & change even more in the next 2 years. After high school, you change a lot!! I've grown so much in the past few years & changed a lot!! I'm 23 now & my boyfriend is 27. I know that I was a completely different person when we first met!! Both of us have grown together, but that took years of work & communication!!
Right now, you are in the "puppy love" stage as real as it may feel!!Things change drastically within the first year of a relationship, whether good or bad. Another thing, many people put up a front that can last for up to 2 years before you see their "true colors". Make sure before you tie the knot that you can live with him!! I know that moving in with my boyfriend was the best decision I've ever made!! We've been together for almost 4 years & have lived together for a little more than 3 1/2 of those! I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can live with him for the rest of our lives. It's a lot different when you're just dating someone than it is when you live together. When you live together, you get to see a lot more good qualities & bad flaws about the other person because you will be spending a lot more time with them! I've had friends who were dating their significant other for years & then got engaged & moved in together. The relationship got destroyed because they couldn't deal with each others quirks/flaws! The quirks vary from: cleanliness to hygiene to organization to personal goals/achievements to money issues to communcation. Money issues can destroy a healthy relationship, especially when one person wants one thing & the other doesn't. This all depends on how strongly the foundation of the relationship was built!!!
I don't think that there is anything wrong with you saying yes to his marriage proposal, but I would definitely wait a few years before you get married!! The divorce statistics, especially with younger couples, are very high!! If you plan on spending the rest of your lives together, waiting a few years to actually get married should not matter!!! I strongly believe that you should wait & get to know each other better!! My boyfriend & I were only together for about 5 months when we moved in together, but we just knew when we met each other that we had something special!! We are still waiting another year or so to get married! I can say with 100% confidence that you will learn so much more about each other in the years to come!! This information is VERY important!! Talk about your futures together & make sure that you both want the same things in life!! There are people out there who love each other with their whole heart, but can't be together because they have different goals/ambitions/thoughts about the future!! Talk about things like: where you will live if/when you get married, how many kids you want (if any), your views on raising children, you views about family, whether or not he wants you to work or stay home after having children, saving money, vacations, life insurance, whether or not to have pets, both your views on cleaning/cooking/laundry/maintaining the house, & so many other things that married people/people who live together share!!! Make sure that you both want the same things in the future!!! MARRIAGE IS A VERY SERIOUS COMMITMENT & MAKE SURE THE PERSON YOU ARE MARRYING IS THE PERSON YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH!!! If you do not agree on major future goals, your marriage probably will not last.
Please post an update & let me know how everything is w/ your relationship!!!!
This may be a little off topic, but is VERY IMPORTANT: One last thing, NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP (physical, emotional or sexual)!!! DO NOT ALLOW ANOTHER PERSON TO CONTROL YOU!!!
A lady can always change her mind, right? 16 is too young to marry. I believe your first goal in growing up is to become independent; you should be able to hold a job for six to twelve months, open a bank account, file a tax return, buy something on credit, etc. If you can not do these things, then you shouldnt be married. You will be someone else's dependent. You will be dependent on your man; will he be your husband, brother, father, boss, or who?
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