Will my boyfriend commit?

Nurse608 · #1 Jul 10, 2008, 10:33 AM

I am a 22 year old female involved with a 36 year old man with two children from a previous marraige. He is a wonderful man who jointly shares custody of his kids and takes very good care of them. Since the day I met him I knew that he was the sort of man I could see myself growing old with. He is successful, likes to travel, loves to cuddle, and doesn't mind listening to me gab for hours over the details of my life. Him and I have shared one anothers company for almost 8 months now. Since him and I have been together we have shared all of our free time together and readjusted both of our lives so that we spend time together whenever possible.

HOWEVER- him and I seem to disagree on one very important subject.... the subject of MARRIAGE! I am ready to be a wife and mother and take on the daily responsiblities of what that life has to offer. He admits that in dating me he hopes that things eventually will lead to that point, but he does not yet know that he wants to spend his life with me. Him and I both agree that marraige is not a simple decision and should be one that is thought over and treated very delicately. I however believe that dating someone for over 1 year is enough time to make that decision. He admitted last night that he could never see himself proposing within a year.

I am so confused?!

N0help4u · Jul 10, 2008, 12:53 PM

Often when an older guy goes through a divorce they are totally soured to the idea of getting married again. So you have to either accept the idea of never getting married and sticking with him and hoping someday he changes his mind or decide you want marriage more and finding somebody that hasn't had the bad experience and into the idea of marriage.

mimi03 · Jul 10, 2008, 01:37 PM

According to your post, a year is enough time to decide upon marriage/get engaged ((why 1 year?)) BUT you've only dated 8 months....why not see what happens these next 4 months ---Would that be a reasonable compromise?

Meanwhile you should really think about your future with him:
How long are you really willing to wait for a proposal?
What if he decides he wants to be with you but never wants to remarry?

I doubt he'll change his position within these 4 months but you should definitely have an idea of what hand you'd like to play no matter what cards are dealt!

talaniman · Jul 10, 2008, 03:58 PM

Quote:

I however believe that dating someone for over 1 year is enough time to make that decision. He admitted last night that he could never see himself proposing within a year.

I agree with him all the way as its only been 8 months, and really your still strangers. Either way he is in no hurry to repeat a mistake , nor should he be.
Sorry but you'll have to wait, so put your time to good use, and learn him better, and that should help with the confusion.

ylaira · Jul 10, 2008, 04:17 PM

No need to hurry. Ur still young and baggageless. Best decisions are made when ample time is provided. Who knows u will discover "something" too while in the process of waiting? For now, just be confident and enjoy the ride.

JBeaucaire · Jul 10, 2008, 08:30 PM

I agree with both of you.

He's right about being careful, there ARE kids involved, right? Better safe than sorry. A year minimum is an excellent benchmark. And it is a minimum.

And you're right in that you seem to be ready and eager, and even believe you have the right guy on hand. So, good for you.

But you're not confused. Stop saying that, you didn't present any confusing info, just opposing positions. That's not confusing. It's frustrating. Call it frustrating. Frustration feels a lot less hopeless and it's easier to handle.

So, now you wait. That's what love does. It waits and works and builds. You don't wait forever, but if you're THAT confident this is the guy, then waiting 2 years to make it happen is NOTHING! 2 years feels long to you because you're so young. To him, it's only 4 parent-teacher conferences and 2 football seasons. It's a drop in the bucket.

If you're going to build a life with someone you have different opinions with, you WILL have to learn patience and compromise. You WILL have to learn to be playful in the process and learn to enjoy it. It's not a "loss" when you give in on something and he does a little, too, it's a win on both of your parts.

Give him your best, get in there and play the part you already say you can, do it. Stresslessly, no confusion. Be that girl.

And after two years, call him on the carpet because that is PLENTY of time and it's time for him to make an honest woman of you. You can wait, not forever, but up to 2 years you can invest for the "man of your life", right?



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