I will try and make this simple. Me 55, my wife 54. Me no kids, she 3 adult kids 19, 20, 25I am her 4th husband. This is my second marriage. We have been married 6 years.

When we met she had been divorced since 1995 from a Physician. She was married to him for 10 years. Prior to that she was married twice at a very young age and they did not last. I think her issues have been lifelong depression related to a large degree.

She was living with a guy for a few years before we met but he was a flake in the end and she ended the relationship. One of her friends, Mark introduced them Mark will be central to this discussion in a bit.

After we met she wanted me to help her with her cell phone bills, back in the day where there were a million packages. Thought nothing more of it. By the way I have an almost photographic memory when it comes to numbers.

Several years into our marriage, I discovered she had an e-mail address that was her old e-mail, not her new married name one. She left it open one night and there was a guy e-mailing her as though she was not married, and yet he kniew she was. He would ask her to meet for "adult beverages" and once asked to meet her for a "re-union" at a local Marriot. I got suspicions, but instead of bringing it up, tried to become a spy and put a GPS in her car.

One day while I was doing some work for HER family, she goes over to this guys house for 3 hours. He was newly divorced and a multi-millionaire. I also put a tape recorder in her car. Long story short I was livid and brought it up. This was probably the wrong move as I should have kept my temper. Any way, she realized that I must have had some kind of tracking device in her car and found it. So I became the bad guy not her.

Previously she explained that this person was just a long time friend, which was partially true, but here is the Number part. On her phone bill, before we met they used to call each other 15-20 times a day, early in the morning at work etc. So I knew he was more than a friend. She finally admitte that she saw him before we were married and that had a sexual involvement for 8 months or so. He was seperated at the time. I was very uncomfortable with the whole deal.

I put another tracking device in her car, and they would meet for lunch often, but I never really caught her at anything, just became very suspicious and jealous. She said I could not tell her who her friends should be and she never did anything wrong. I did not tell her that I had recorded a conversation in her car between the two, when she left his place. He asked her when he could see her again and she said "on Friday nights when my husband is out of town." Those words stuck forever.

Needless to say I got busted again when she found the second tracking device and a tape recorder. So now she does not truse me. I blew over eventually when the guy moved away to another state. However, he keeps e-mailing her now at work and asks to meet her in Vegas etc. spring break whatever. She just tells me she never responds and that is just the kind of guy he is.

While I was worried about him, it turns out that I find out she meets this OTHER guy, her best friend from above, they meet at a shopping center and they drive away in his car to get lunch. This guy is newly married and all I know is they would go out to eat. ONce though, while his wife was out of town they did go to his house for a few hours. They would call each other once a week or so. She never tried to cover up his phone calls.

About three years ago his wife called our house and demanded that my wife stop seeing him. I never said I knew about it because I did not think anything was going on, but could never prove it either way. They did stop all contact with each other and I am 100% sure of this.

Back to the millionaire guy. A few months ago he had a friend die who lived here. He e-mailed my wife and said he was going to Houston, you only live once in life, why does she not meet him there for a few days???? I got pissed again, lost my cool. Of course I had to reveal that I had her work e-mail which she did not know. I also, had this guy's e-mail password. Again, I became wrong because I was spying on her, and she said nothing ever happened. I told her it was at the least inappropriate.

Now to the worst........I put a very very hidden gps in her car, and she ends up going to her friends house (the one whose wife told them to break it off) for hours, and hours. I got upset again confronted her, and of course had to reveal I had a third gps. They also went to lunch a couple of times and she did go by his place for a few hours each time.

Needless to say she was totally livid that I was spying on her again. THE WORST PART is yet to come.....Why did she go over there to see him. Turns out his wife died of skin cancer, and this is for real. I felt really bad of course and now have become the total bad guy in all this.

From her standpoint she feels I had no reason to ever be upset, jealous or suspicious because never did anything wrong. A few weeks ago I put a recorder in her car to see what is really going on and it seems like they are just friends, but I am still uncomfortable.

They have been seeing each other every other week or so fo lunch. She has not told me and I know because I have a 4th gps in her car which she will never discover. She still says they are friends nothing more. She has told him about some of these goings on (not about the other millionaire guy though oddly).

I ran into her friend the other day at the grocery store, and he says, they are nothing but friends, not to worry, and that romance ruins friendships.

What do I make of all of this. She almost threw me out because she says I have always over reacted. Maybe I have. I have told her she should have told the millionaire guy in no uncertain terms that she was happily married, and for him not to be in contact with her anymore. She again says I cannot tell her who her friends are.

What do you all think?

N0help4u

One thing for sure is your being your own detective saves you a bundle you would be paying a detective agency.

It is very possible that they are friends and nothing more. I have a lot of guy friends I hang out with and have never even kissed.
I don't think it is right for your wife to be going with these guys behind your back.
If I want to be with a guy friend I say I am going to RJ's bar (or where ever) and shoot a game of pool with Jimmy (or who ever) and I add, ''You want to come along?''

Ask her what she would feel if you decide to get a few girl friends to hang out with.

talaniman

Any one you have to keep tabs on, as much as you have, doesn't need to be in your life. I would have been gone, as you have enough evidence for 3 or 4 episodes of "Cheaters"

Hmmm, that may be a career move for you, your good.

Jake2008

So, you are determined to prove that your wife is unfaithful. And with this proof, what is the goal, divorce?

With so much cloak and dagger stuff going on, did you ever stop to think there might be other ways of going about proving your theories?

If you have suspicions and are going to such extremes, I see this as a dangerous game. For you, one GPS is not enough, you are on the 4th one now? With your temper, what happens if you locate her at a Mariot, and confront her. Knock out the boyfriend, have a screaming fit with your wife?

Do you hide behind plants too?

This behaviour of mistrust, no meaningful communication, and paranoia, is ridiculous.

I would not trust you one iota if you planted recording devices and GPS tracking in my car. Not for one second would I trust you. You'd be gone, and there would be legal action.

How do you expect what you are doing to solve your marital problems. Please explain that to me because I see no good whatsoever in what you are doing. It will not promote honest communication, trust, fidelity, nothing. It will only drive her further and further away.

Think about what you are doing, and what you want to accomplish. Do you love her. Do you love her enough to seek outside help before this goes too far, ie marriage counselling. Is she willing to give up these men she keeps having lunch with, and concentrate on how her behaviour has affected you. Both of you seem to really have a toxic thing going on here, and I cannot understand maintaining this relationship as it is.

If you can take a hyatus from your stand, and she can stop communication with her 'friends' for an agreed upon period, is it realistically possible that the two of you could come to some truce, in order to get your relationship back to a possible level of trust again? Is that worthy of consideration?

I find your behaviour threatening in nature, and just my opinion here, I see no useful purpose to treat anyone this way.

What's the point? You need to prove what exactly, for what purpose?

Anybody can do what you do, you are nowhere near being admired by me for your 'skills' in the sleuthing department.

Homegirl 50

I think your wife is either cheating or has no respect for you or your marriage.
Married people don't do things like that. Men don't call your wife and say meet me in.... unless there is something going on.
And you following her around like that, what do you need to see? You don't trust her and she doesn't care.
Dissolve the marriage!

N0help4u

yeah the meet me in....looked very suspicious to me. If they were only friends it would be more like an casual ''I'll see you around'' or ''If you are going to the concert too we could sit together''

makapuu

Maybe your wife thinks she is in an "open marriage". Are you going to divorce her if she continues to have sex with other men? If not, then I guess all you can do is live with it, or do the same.

dogsled

I did not know how to respond to peoples comments.

Here are the confusing parts.

She calls her friend "the one whose wife died" on her cell phone, and never deletes the calls from the phone, so she knows if I look there are there. Catch 22, if i ask her anyway then she feels I am spying on her.

She said she would agree to tell me if she was going to see him for lunch etc, which would be ok, but the other day, Wednesday she did not. She went somewhere with him. SHe parked her car at her place. They were in his house just minute and drove off in his truck, where I do not know.

She has never gone out at night, never dressed up any differently than normal, never makes calls from our home phone. She has never come home from somewhere and then jumped in the shower.

So maybe I just need to let it go, and realize that I will drive myself crazy. If someone wants to have an affair you cannot stop them.

We have argued about this a lot and she says she just has to get over me not trusting her, and that she needs time to heal. She is angry, I thing understandibly because I told her I was not following her etc, and got busted after I told her.

I have some hard times dealing with the fact that actually she is the one who was busted, and I just acted on my suspicions.

Homegirl 50

I think you have reason to not trust your wife. She has done some very suspicious stuff. If you don't trust her leave her, Don't stoop to sneaking around and don't allow her to make you feel like a villain because you don't trust her.

Jake2008

So despite monitoring her phone calls, putting 4 GPS devices in her car, following her, you have also managed to get access to her work email, and the password and email of her work friend.

You sneak around looking for trouble, think you find it, only to find out you have proof of nothing only to turn around and do it all over again.

And, as I asked before, the purpose of proving these theories of yours is what again?

I think she is really tolerant of your ridiculous behaviour.

Why not invest some time and effort in marriage counselling, or is that a waste of your time, and you'd rather be off doing the 007 thing.

Have you always been so suspicious of people? Do you honestly think that you can put your theories aside, and work on your marriage? Do you want to stay married? Do you love her? Is she willing to attend counselling?

You say you don't know how to respond to people's comments that have been left for you in good faith. Just what do you choose not to respond to. Are you rather looking for confirmation that your behaviour is ok even when reality and common sense should be telling you that you (and your wife) need to get into counselling with an impartial third party and try to build trust and respectful boundaries to save your marriage?

This behaviour of yours borders on pathological in my humble opinion. It is totally creepy, and out of whack with any form of meaningful communication with your wife.

I still say, drop the cloak and dagger stuff, and think seriously about what it is you are trying to accomplish, and more importantly, why.

Do you want to keep the marriage going? All of these questions you've been asked through the posts are relevant. Why do you ignore them.