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For close to month now my wife has been on strike with the house. We have four children age 8 months 3, 8 & 11 . My brother in law is also curently staying with us. My wife will not clean, cook, wash dishes, or fold clothes. She just recently washed some the other day. I guess she did not have anything to wear. She pilled them all in the baby crib where they have been for several days. The house is awful , so much stuff in the living room you cannot walk. She spends countless hours on the internet playing games when she should be cleaning. I work a regular job and also a small side business . I am gone from the house 45-60 hours a week so I can't do alot of the stuff. My brother in law also works and helps when he can. I know we need counsiling but cannot afford it right now. I am a braking point what can I do. She bad mouths me to friends and family on the phone. Now don't get me wrong I put my two cents in the arguments too, I am not gonna sit around and let this woman run over me, I have more respect for my self. I don't want divorce but that may be my only option.
Location: Shoveling snow from my driveway into your driveway.
Posts: 8,266
So what is her reason for the "strike"?
Does she have a job outside the home or is her job the homemaker?
If this woman has no job outside the home and you and your brother hold full time jobs - then either you two are major pigs (meaning not picking up after yourselves clothes wise) or she has some major problems.
Actually its her brother. We are not angels when it comes to picking up after ourselfs but we pickup more than she does. no she does not have a job. today the dishes have been sitting for two or three days , I finally get time to do them and once I am done she critizized my dish washing skills pulling about 10 dishes out of the drainer throwing them back in the sink telling me I don't know how to do dishes.
Location: Shoveling snow from my driveway into your driveway.
Posts: 8,266
You didn't say why she is on strike or has this behavior been building over a period of time to the point where she now does nothing around the house.
If she's on the internet too much have you considered taking an important part of the connection with you to work - say the power cord to the computer?
If it's her brother being the slob, has he changed his ways and started picking up after himself?
If it's the kids, you say you have an 11 year old and an 8 year old. Are these kids slobs as well not picking up?
I am sure she is unhappy about something and I am sure she has told you what this unhappyness is about.
I just thought of something else. Quite possibly she has an online male friend and spends all her time on the internet chatting with him. This has been happening a lot lately esepcially with women who have too much time at home alone. She's living in a fantasy world. Is there any way you can look at the history of the sites she has been visiting to see just what sites are "date" sites?
The pick a fight routine is quite typical of someone who is cheating. Anytime a husband or wife wants to be left alone or wants to leave the house (due to the fight) and meet their b/f or g/f a fight is a very convenient way to do this. She may not have met this internet person in the flesh yet as they may live a distance away and it's not convenient yet to do this.
Sounds like my bi-polar mother. She wouldn't cook, clean....just spent hours upon hours in chatrooms. After a few years of this, she met some 80-year-old Hindu man and decided he treated her better than her husband of 24 years. See ya, Mom.
I agree with Twinkie completely. Rip the damn cord out of the wall before it's too late.
For close to month now my wife has been on strike with the house. We have four children age 8 months 3, 8 & 11 . My brother in law is also curently staying with us. My wife will not clean, cook, wash dishes, or fold clothes. She just recently washed some the other day. I guess she did not have anything to wear. She pilled them all in the baby crib where they have been for several days. The house is awful , so much stuff in the living room you cannot walk. She spends countless hours on the internet playing games when she should be cleaning. I work a regular job and also a small side business . I am gone from the house 45-60 hours a week so I can't do alot of the stuff. My brother in law also works and helps when he can. I know we need counsiling but cannot afford it right now. I am a braking point what can I do. She bad mouths me to friends and family on the phone. Now don't get me wrong I put my two cents in the arguments too, I am not gonna sit around and let this woman run over me, I have more respect for my self. I don't want divorce but that may be my only option.
I always wanted to go on strike too.
Your wife is expected to cook for 7 people. Clean up after 7 people. Shop for 7 people. Take care of all the laundry, cleaning, children's schooling- homework and activities, not to mention doctor appointments, likely all holiday planning and prep work, and care for people in the house when they are sick, depressed, upset and unpredictable (as children can be).
She feels undervalued, and unapreciated. Those that have never done the work to the extent she does, have no idea what is involved, and wonder what all the fuss is about.
Why not try walking a mile in her shoes. Work a few less hours, and put in a few more at home. Expect a little less from her, and notice what she does.
Counselling may not be the answer here. Just a little common sense. Hire a housekeeper to come in for an afternoon a week to help with the heavy time consuming jobs of washing floors, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms. If her time is eased up even by 4 hours a week, that is less stress on her, and shows you understand and appreciate what she does, and enough of an understanding to make her life a little bit easier.
She puts in at least as many hours as you do. If you could both agree that anything over 40 hours a week should be shared, think how much happier everybody would be. Maybe schedule time just for family. Rent a movie, take a hike or bike ride, play board games together.
This has to be resolved one way or the other. How about arranging a babysitter for the kids, and take your wife out to the local coffee shop and just talk about how to get the household back on track.
So while she is sitting there on the computer,who is taking care of the children?
Do they have meals prepared,do they have clean clothing,are they getting ample fresh air ,exercise and attention?Homework help?
If the answer is no ,this is child neglect. Tell her if she doesn't get off her butt and start being a parent you are calling child protective services.
So did I as a single mother of two boys but I didn't have that option because I had kids.I made the choice and that was it.
She is being neglectful,allowing her kids to be in a dirty home,I find it unconscionable.Sitting in front of a computer all day is just plain selfishness in my book.
No man should have to work to support his family and come home and have to clean.
Actually, I did go on strike. There was only one child, a brother-in-law and a husband to look after but hey, I was working full-time too.
Filthy, messy house, clothes piled in the baby's crib, no meals prepared or dishes done, yep. Then my husband added to his complaints and verbal tirades...He began wearing my clothes, which I did wash. We were the same size, none of my stuff was "girly."
There is a crisis going on at your house. Are you listening, have you been paying attention all along? She has done more than go on strike. It sounds like she has given up.
Yeah, take the computer power cord away. Maybe you should take the entire computer. That does not tell you why she is behaving this way. Asking her what's up may tell you.
Reporting her for neglect of the children would open a nasty can of worms for the entire family. That wouldn't be my first resort. The first thing I'd do would be to take her away for the weekend, away from her brother, the house and the kids. Ask how you can help her and don't argue about her answer. Figure out what it will take for her to feel like taking responsibility for everyone, again.
I am answering this question as a man that is married and also has four children. I am sure there is many different reasons why your wife is doing this. But just from reading your post I get the feeling that she is doing this to make a statement. As you work 2 jobs and are gone a lot it sounds like she has no help around the house. Just because she is the one at home all the time that does not mean she has to take care of all the chores there are to be done.
I hate to implicate that you are doing nothing and it is all her fault but lets face it, you get out of the house she is there all day and perhaps feels bogged down and not appreciated. She may be doing thees as a cry for help. Have you tried talking to her. Your brother in law living with you complicates things so much.
All I can say is take the high road and help out all you can, don't wait for things to build up till they have to be done. Let her know you know how much responsibility she has and how hard her job is. And how much you love her and respect her for doing it.
A stay at home mom is the HARDEST and most IMPORTANT job there is........period.
If you have done this I take back what I have said and there is a real problem. If you have not then try the loving approach and see how she reacts.
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