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Hey everyone.
I'm the tough guy who doesn't cry, at all and I've been hurt really really bad. I caught my wife having sex via texting for over 30 days every day with a social friend of ours. She claims they never met and never had actual sex. They also shared pictures with each other and you know the pain I'm going through, it hurts really bad. I married my wife 6 years ago and knew her for 6 years prior to that. One of the biggest reasons I married her was her family values and core beliefs of a family. Now after 6 years she was caught. She did at least come clean after telling me several lies through 3 days of denial. How do I know that more of this wont happen and something else happened that I don't know about. She is actually in counseling as i type this, but I'm really hurt. WE have a beautiful home on the water, two beautiful girls and I'm in shock! I knew things weren't right cause she bought the new iphone and was texting all day and all night and i knew something was up. Our sex life has always been good and like so many other couples, marrige is hard on everyone, but I just don't know what to do. I'm an awesome father, a successful business owner and I am so weak right now that I don't know what to do. any help would be great!!!
thanks for reading.
I think he said she is sorry and she is willing to work things out and seek help. I think at this point thats all that matters. Forgiveness is very liberating because it helps you move on and sleep better at night. Just work through it. It is hard now but when you are an old man and you have your wife, children and grandchildren beside you, you will be more content with life than letting something like this destroy the future and unity of your family. As long as she sorry and promises never to betray you again, then you can work through this tough time. Divorce will prolong the pain for you and it will also affect your children for the rest of their lives.
another night has went by, it's not any easier to understand or accept and I think I keep asking myself for some justification for what she did. We've conversed on many different topics of our years past and there are definitely some things that have bothered her with the fact she wasn't getting the attention (telling her how pretty she was, etc.) and not being sexually involved with her for a period of time after our 2nd kids. She says, we needed help a long time ago and I never did anything about it. I agree, probably should have sought help, just never thought one of us would stray outside the marriage to find the pretty stuff she was looking for. I'm a fault for not making her feel pretty. I just think she is simply 33 and I'm 41 and our kids are 3 and 5 and she had started back at the gym and getting her figure back, she started dressing nicer, getting looks I'm sure and all of a sudden this casual yet fun sexting thing started. Most definitely inappropriately and she kept it from me and hid it and kept doing it and doing it and then all of a sudden the texting was so much fun that they decided to have oral sex 4 times in 7 day period. To me it was a very new, exciting, secretive, fun event for her and she was so selfish she never thought about the results of getting caught or the pain she is causing to me, kids and all of our friends. Frankly and lately, she hasn't paid attention to our kids because she's been so caught up with this iphone texting and sexting thing. Warning, don't allow your spouse to ever text.
We are both willing to see a counselor, anyone have suggestions on what type of counselor to see?? sex therapist?? not sure of that because our sex life was always good during the innercourse or psychotherpist, psychologist??? pastor?? thoughts??
Also anyone know of any insurance plans that you can get that will cover counseling??
I feel like we are going to need many sessions and that can get real expensive.
thanks again.
If you attend a church that is the best option. You can meet with a marriage counselor at a church and it is free! My husband and i had some the same issues where he was not making me feel pretty and not giving me the attention i needed. We went for councelling at our church and it helped us a big deal. He just didnt know that women have that need. Now that he knows, so he makes me feel very beautiful and it gives me confidence in our relationship.
I can relate to your wife because my husband never used to complement me or tell me i was sexy like he used to when we were dating and it frustrated me because i felt very unapprieciated. So when guys gave me attention it i welcomed it because it made me feel good because i was not getting that kind of attention from my mate. I didnt go so far as to start an affair but i can see how it can start from that.
So this may just be awake up call for you to do the work it takes to maintain a healthy marriage relationship. Good luck!
The thought of her cheating may be hard to bear, but it doesn't answer your real problem. Fixing the broken connection between two people. A pastor, or marriage counselor, someone you both trust, can guide you thru the process of reconnecting.
over 11 thousand posts?????? wow-- I think you probably have all my answers. I agree, the cheating hurts and it's wrong and I will always probably come back in my mind remember what events took place---that hurts and it hurts really bad. Getting through our issues of our real problem will be hard, but I'm willing to work on that, for sure. I have a hard time over coming what she did though.
Willing to work together is a very big word. Anyone can be happy, with happy times, but its the adversity we face, that makes the bonds stronger. Theres always hope if two people are willing to work together. If you ask, I will answer if I can.
Getting over the hurt is the hard part. It’s like you grabbed a handle of a hot pan and you got burnt. It hurt but in time that pain goes away. But you can’t allow the memory of the hot pan to stop you from cooking with the pan again.
In my book nothing justifies someone cheating. When a person unhappy with a relationship physically and/or emotionally he/she should express their unhappiness or leave.
When I posted the question why women cheat? Most women wrote that their husbands weren’t paying them enough attention.
People tend to slack off when then get in the marriage. Think back to when you were courting this person. You were flowers, you were candy, you made sure you were showered, wore cologne, you couldn’t keep your eyes for of her. Like most men you stop doing these things. That is the worse one of the worse mistakes.
My suggestion to you and all husbands is to behave like you are still courting you wife. Get caught checking her out. Cop feels. I still send my wife inappropriate text messages. I role play with my wife she is also my mistress. I'll text her "My wife is working tonight want to go to out?" When I call the house she will say something “I like I told you not to call me at this number my husband could have been answered.” Then I’ll apologize and explain that I had to because I missed her and what to come see her tonight.
The whole goal is to enjoy each other and make each other happy.
Married guy,
What's the title of your book and where can I buy it? I believe you are right on and agree with you 100%. Wives cheat because husbands stop paying attention and they get it somewhere else. That's definitely what happened here.
Getting over the hurt is going to be hard. I hope in time you are correct, the pain will go away.
thanks !!!!
Its like any other healing, it takes time, and you have to keep it wrapped in clean bandages, and don't pick at the scab. Also had to spread the rep, but Marriedguy is dead on. What got her, is what you have to do, to keep her. We guys get lazy, after the hunt is over.
so much I have learned or not necessarily learned, but it's how to come to my senses. Even with so much anger and hurt, I'm being convinced that some of this is my fault. I just didn't know how to get her to not do this and lord knows I would have done everything to prevent this if I knew this was 100% for sure going to happen. It's amazing how much you want something when you lose it. I want this one back (the wife), but I have a lot of pain because of what she did.
Let me ask you guys/girl this: My wife is so mad at me for talking to the the wife of the husband (who was with my wife) because she thinks she is really not helping our marriage. No doubt about it. This girl hates my wife as much as I hate her husband, but we are both sharing notes with what they are telling us and we are looking that they are both coming clean. Her and I both just want the truth so we can move forward. She also knows how I feel since she's got the same pain as I do. I get the feeling my wife is very very jealeous and that's too bad. I would have never been talking to this girl had nothing ever happned. Any thoughts.
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