I'm in the military first of all so everything I do is scrutinized and monitered by the military. My wife left me and took my two kids. She wont talk to me about what she thinks or what she feels. Everytime we talk I get anger and frustration. We have had a very hard marriage. We have been married for 4 years and have two very beautiful children. She went back to her family which I think has been the reason for her emotional immaturity. In the 4 years we've been married we have spent about 22months apart (not consecutive) and about 21 months together (not cosecutive). We have had almost no time to be together for a long time. So, she left July 2, 2007. She says she still loves me more than a friend but not as a husband. She tells me that I have no idea what its like to be here to have to go through the pain of living with you (Me). I was in the Navy and been on a deployment and I'm in the army and I've been to Iraq and I'm about to go back. What do I do to cope... will she ever come back or will she rather stay home with her family and let her and her family raise my kids. I dont make much money and cant afford a divorce and cant afford to get out of the military. Anyone have some advice?

startover22

If you are willing to take some advice, this is what I would say to you. If every time you talk and you get angry and frustrated then it is time to look in the mirror and ask if she is right or not. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone they cannot talk to? Seek therapy if you need to, show her you are taking steps to be a better man. Do what you say you are going to do. Step up and figure something out together as adults not angry upset people. If i were her, i wouldn't listen to an angry man, and yes i would be happier with my family that shows me respect and kindness. It is up to you to show her and your CHILDREN that you can be that man that they need. Hugs and good luck to you! Startover22

EDIT:::::::::::
I forgot to say Thank you for your service. I do appreciate your duty!

Pook_Myster

Didn't you post a message on here earlier on another thread about having 'relations' with many married women? I hope that I am wrong to suggest that this happened whilst you were married to this woman? And would I be wrong again to suggest that this be part of the reason her leaving?

startover22

I didn't see that post.

bushg

I believe he said when he was single when he had the affairs.

Pook_Myster

Oh ok....sorry. That would have explained it easily! Not so now though....

Marily

I think that she should have considered the fact that you are going to be away from home...alot, dont think anything is your fault though, just hate to see the fact that some people don't take theis wedding vows seriously

DaRkJokeR

I was getting physical and verbal. I started therapy for both. The physical stuff stopped but the verbal was still going. I was getting therapy and we were supposed to start marriage counseling 3 day before she left. I'm so stressed out. I have hit rock bottom, picked myself up and then hit it again. I feel like I make 2 steps foward and then take 3 back. About my original statement... I was saying that we both get angry and frustrated at the other. Not just me. Sometimes it just gets so hard to cope with this stuff that I drink till I pass out. I'm still going to therapy though. I feel like I'm making progress and that I can and will change and I am changing all the time, but I dont think she will ever want me back. I know that if she does we will be happy again. I miss my kids and I miss the woman I married.

DaRkJokeR

Thanks startover22. This military stuff is hard but I do it and I do it well. The military has been very hard on me and even harder on my marriage. On a personal note: I wanted to make her stay with love and compassion but somewhere along the way I made her stay through fear and guilt.

Canada_Sweety

Maybe it's time that you open your eyes and look at your life. If your main concern is money and your job then why are you over thinking this? If your first and fore-most concern is not saving your actual marriage, then maybe your wife has good enough reason to leave you. Anger and frustration happen all the time, but you have to control it. Next time you contact her, simply push the feelings of resentment aside and try to work on the damage. If that fails, go to a couples therapy session or a councilor and they will be able to help best. Good luck.