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I am married for about 10 years with a lovely wife, untill a month ago we were ok however she complained that our relationship became boring.
Just three weeks ago i found out that she has an affair with a much older man, she is 30 and he is 54 years old. I am devasted and do not want to loose my wife, i try everything to get her back. She tells me that she needs time and will see in the future. We are still living together and she does not want to leave nor has asked me to leave. She says that she needs time. I agree now to this as i cannot pursuade her to stop her affair. I know my wife still loves me.
What is going on, is she in midlife crisis, and can my approach work?
I want to rescue my marriage
If your wife REALLY loved you, she wouldn't be putting you through this pain.
She's choosing herself and this other man over you and your marriage with her.
I have to agree. She is being selfish at the very least. Next time she leaves to visit her other man, change the locks and put her stuff on the front lawn. When and if she is ready to accept that she is an adulteress then maybe, just maybe you can consider marriage counselling to work on the issues that sent her to another mans arms for sex.
You need to be a man and be firm and tell her to leave if she continues to do what she is doing. I dont know why you are puting up with it. That is why she is walking all over you.
She has to go, sorry for your loss. There can be no reconcilliation, until the adultry stops. Until the adultry stops, she is out of a place to stay. Maybe forever.
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through...makes you think of the old adage, "Having your cake, and eating it too". Only you can decide how much you are willing to put up with until she decides what she wants. Sure, it could be part of a midlife crisis...but consider this: marriage is a partnership that requires two participants who want what's best for each other....while you are trying everything to get her back, what is she doing to help your marriage?? When you can honestly answer that question, you may see the situation in a new light and that can help you with your decisions on what you want to do next. Divorce doesn't have to be the first, or only, step....a seperation may be in order until you and she decides whether or not the trust can be restored and the marriage can be rebuilt. Some people can do it....with much willingness on both party's parts....many can not. I wish you well....it is not an easy journey. Surround yourself with family and friends for support.
She does not love you if she is still sleepoing with this other man. You are only fooling yourself because you can't bring yourself to admit it is over.
If she is not willing to stop, then she is not willing to make it work, So kick her out and go on with your life, Or at least make her make a choice, not making a choice and pretending itis not happening is not an answer.
Some people goes through midlife crisia, but they dont sleep around especially when their married because they have respect for their married and let alone themselve. They doing it because they want to and you should not accept that. Most people will seek couseloring to help go through their midlife crisis and they only go throuh this because they think their life is over because they feel they are getting old ana close to death. My daughter father use to tell md when he turn 50 he going kill hisself because he thinks he would be getting old and think death would be around the corner.
Dont allow your wife to have affairs on you because it not right, I bet if you was doing it she would leave you.
You have 2 choices stay and accept it or leave. You choose!
You need to free yourself of this woman. She is only thinking of her feelings. If you should ever be able to make love to her again,think about another man being where you are. Do you like that feeling? Probably not. Divorce her and get on with your life. Once a cheater-always a cheater.
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