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I am married for about 10 years with a lovely wife, untill a month ago we were ok however she complained that our relationship became boring.
Just three weeks ago i found out that she has an affair with a much older man, she is 30 and he is 54 years old. I am devasted and do not want to loose my wife, i try everything to get her back. She tells me that she needs time and will see in the future. We are still living together and she does not want to leave nor has asked me to leave. She says that she needs time. I agree now to this as i cannot pursuade her to stop her affair. I know my wife still loves me.
What is going on, is she in midlife crisis, and can my approach work?
I want to rescue my marriage
Yes, the very act of adultery is saturated with selfishness. Anyone doing it is undoubtedly putting their wants ahead of everything else. I agree that it is up to you to determine how much you will put up with. I am not saying that your marriage has to end, but you need to maintian a level of self-respect. I wish that I had put my foot down with my wife because when I became aware of her affair, it seemed as if it was a relief for her. She also continued it as didn't necessarily hide it. I think that if I had told her to move out or if I left and took the kids with me it would have been a wake-up call. Also, this guy is much older and knows exactly what to say to her to entice her.....be strong, go to counseling and good luck.
Hi i agree with what people have said but it will be very hard for you as you have been married to her for so long. I think even if she stopped the affair your relationship would never be same as she is making excuses about how life is with you. Not only that you would never trust her again. you would be beside yourself with worry and suspicion. Is it worth that. She may still love you but this man is something new and different. I'm sorry but i'm 32 and if i was truly happy i would not of done that. You can't carry on living together she is rubbing you nose in it and walking all over you. Sorry mate.
Sandra, to a degree, you are correct...the relationship will NOT be the same.Yes, there will be worry and suspicion. I agree , she is flaunting it and I would have none of that either.
I hope i'm not sounding like a cow but you need to make a decision on what you going to do. Have you got any children? I'm sorry for what happened to you igman it is not easy for any relationship to determin what happens after someone has an affair. Every relationship i've had has always cheated on me. It is very difficult to carry on without that person in your life. But you get there in the end.
Sandra, you dont sound like a cow at all ! You are right...after an affair, the relationship can go in a million different directions....a lot of factors are involved. Ronald, you have to decide what you are willing to do/endure and then figure out a course of action. Keep in mind that this is just the beginning.If she is truly sorry and wants to make your marriage right, that is only the BEGINNING. It has been 10 years for me and the pain is still there. Sandra, thank you for your sympathy...you are a class act.
She is says about we will see in the furture well i'm sorry but how long will that be, two weeks, two years. I 'm sorry but she is pulling you along like a dog. Really sorry if that sounded bad. Thank you talaiman and igman for you comments. Igman i hope the pain goes away for you soon you sound a decent person where you need some real loving from someone more special . Ronald please yourself and feelings first and not her. As peple look after number 1 and thats you.
She she saying we will see in the future, but i'm sorry howl ong is that going to be two weeks, two years when? I'm sorry but she is pulling you along like a dog. I'm sorry is that sounded really bad. Ronald you should put yourself and your feelings first and think of yourself. She is being selfish so why should you. How long are yuo prepared to wait.To me is sounds it will be along time. As people say think of number 1 which is you. Thank you Talaiman and igman for you comments. Igman I hope you pain goes away soon you sound a decent man and you need the love of someone really special. I hope you find it soon.
I am married for about 10 years with a lovely wife, untill a month ago we were ok however she complained that our relationship became boring.
Just three weeks ago i found out that she has an affair with a much older man, she is 30 and he is 54 years old. I am devasted and do not want to loose my wife, i try everything to get her back. She tells me that she needs time and will see in the future. We are still living together and she does not want to leave nor has asked me to leave. She says that she needs time. I agree now to this as i cannot pursuade her to stop her affair. I know my wife still loves me.
What is going on, is she in midlife crisis, and can my approach work?
I want to rescue my marriage
Have a heart to heart talk with your wife. Ask her why she did it and why she continues that affair.
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