My wife and I got married 5 years ago and I met her while trying to learn self defense. She was one of the instructors. I am rather small 5'4" and weigh about 113 pounds. She is part Brazilian and was teaching karate as well as Brazilian Jiu Jitsui. My wife is 5'11" and weighs about 175 she is in very good shape. She said I was cute and everything was great and we started dating. After about 3 years into our marriage she stopped waxing her arms and legs and she has very hairy arms and legs (being Brazilian), much hairier than I am. Lately, she has been teasing me about this and saying that she is like the man in our relationship because she is bigger and hairier and better at self defense than me. I have accepted all my life that I am a small man and not very hairy , but her comments are affecting my self esteem. I told her this and she tells me that is what turns her on about me that she is bigger and calls me her wife and laughs. She teases me about how much hairier she is than me and says that I am just jealous because i don't grow alot of hair. How can I get this to stop? She is very beautiful, but since she has stopped waxing people stare when we are in public.

Here_To_Help- Jon

You can get it to stop by re-telling your wife that for you it is not a teasing or playful thing and asking her to stop doing it. Perhaps she can find something else about you that does it for her. Meeting halfway is what marriage is all about.

boballen

I have and she said the reason she stopped waxing was that it was too much trouble. She also said that she likes me the way I am, but I feel like less of a man when she says these things. She is very beautiful and I love her very much. Should I feel like less of a man, me being smaller and having less hair on my body, she says in Brazil they do not wax and it is considered sexy.

phillysteakandcheese

Is this the biggest problem in your relationship?

You shouldn't feel like less of a man because you are smaller than her, or because she can grow more hair than you, but you should be concerned that she seems to have disregard for your feelings.

If she knows that she is hurting your feelings by teasing you, but won't stop, she's simply being mean.

If she refuses to take care of herself like she used to, you would probably percieve that as her "letting herself go".

The question is - Are these things a deal breaker for your marriage? If it is - You need to sit down and have a real heart to heart talk with her. If not, then deal with your insecurity and act like the man you want to be.

boballen

She is not letting herself go, she is in excellent shape and she says she is turned on by the fact that she is bigger than me and has more hair than me. I guess I am self conscious because she is stronger than me and a better fighter as well (she teaches martial arts). I love her dearly and despite being hit on she is faithful and honest, I guess I am sensitive because I do not feel like the man in the relationship because typically men are bigger, hairier, stronger and the better fighters. Should I feel this way? She says she is turned on by our "role reversal" but I am extremely self conscious about it.

CaptainForest

So talk to her about it dude!

This isn't some girl you are nervous to talk with, this is your wife!!!

If she is that insensitive, then it is time to pack your bags.

If she doesn’t care about your feelings after you tell her, then you should look into leaving.

If I ever make a negative/hurtful comment about someone I care about and they tell me to stop it since it is really hurting their feelings....guess what? I stop.

Jesushelper76

She loves you the way you are, you should love her the way she is. She may be hairy but that is just the way it is. Many europeans and other countries have women who tend to be on the hairy side but are still very beautiful. She is joking around, do you ever joke around with her as well? Maybe you should try to lighten up a bit. Your with a beautiful women, you should be proud to have her as a wife. Tall, short, hairy, not. Should not matter if you love each other. I tease my wife sometimes about her hairy arms, my wife teases me about my baldness. We go back and forth but it is in a fun way, not a hurtfull way.

Joe

boballen

I guess you are right Jesushelper, I am just insecure because I feel like less of a man being only 5'4" and not very hairy and her saying these things bring out something that has bothered me all my life.

Jesushelper76

That is the thing. I guess it takes time to get past those things, these things that have bothered you stem from your whole life experiance. You are with a beautiful wife now that loves you for the way you are. It is up to you to except that and learn to get past insecurities from the past, because you should not be insecure anymore.

Joe

boballen

Thank you Jesus Helper, I was starting to get really uptight about this situation.