why is marriage so hard?

josiah46 · Apr 16, 2009, 05:11 AM

it is really hard to be true and faithful.

Bonnie46 · Apr 17, 2009, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lighterrr

bonnie why are you basing your emotions on the actions of another person

you should not base your happiness on another i think thats unfair to that person we are all no perfect and make mistakes, happiness comes from within you thats my belief anywways.

Hi Lighterrr, sorry - I'm confused too. How / where did I say or imply that happiness is based on another person? It's not. - you're correct. You're right - no one is perfect, not me, not anyone.

Bonnie46 · Apr 17, 2009, 07:17 PM

just to be clear - my original post was directed to the male who is possibly cheating on his wife. I thought Josiah was the man, complaining that it's too hard for him NOT to cheat.

lighterrr · Apr 17, 2009, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnie46

Hi Lighterrr, sorry - I'm confused too. How / where did I say or imply that happiness is based on another person? It's not. - you're correct. You're right - no one is perfect, not me, not anyone.

when i read through your post i thought you based a lot of your post on josiah selfishness and his total disregard to his marriage vows and how upsetting his wife must be.

I guess what i am saying infidelity or not peoples actions should not be the ultimate decider in how we feel and effect our emotional well being. We need to be the soul cause of our happiness.

DoulaLC · Apr 18, 2009, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lighterrr

I guess what i am saying infidelity or not peoples actions should not be the ultimate decider in how we feel and effect our emotional well being. We need to be the soul cause of our happiness.

Would this also equate with if you are being hit? If he calls you foul names? If he says he doesn't love you? Do you honestly believe someone could continue to be happy and simply seperate themselves from those situations? The list can go on and on......... You could say someone should never get angry or hurt then by what someone else does.

Certainly our emotions are tied up into the actions of others, especially the actions of the person you choose to marry. Why did you start seeing your partner? I would assume things he did and said made you feel happy....otherwise why continue to see him.

I get the impression that you did not start out your relationship this way, void of any emotion in regard to his cheating. I have a feeling that you simply learned to accept it and needed to find a way to do that in order to stay with him. You commented about that very thing. Seperating your emotions is a very good way to do that. By not sharing with him that you have also dipped into other pools, makes me wonder if you truly feel it doesn't matter....after all, why should he care if he is happy within himself? I would also assume that most people would choose to allow themselves to feel the full breadth of their emotions, even if that does result in some pain from time to time.

I'm glad you have found a way that works for you to deal with his indiscretions.....I hope it continues to work for you and that you have not merely cut off some emotions in order to continue in the relationship.

lighterrr · Apr 18, 2009, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

Would this also equate with if you are being hit? If he calls you foul names? If he says he doesn't love you? Do you honestly believe someone could continue to be happy and simply seperate themselves from those situations? The list can go on and on......... You could say someone should never get angry or hurt then by what someone else does.

Certainly our emotions are tied up into the actions of others, especially the actions of the person you choose to marry. Why did you start seeing your partner? I would assume things he did and said made you feel happy....otherwise why continue to see him.

I get the impression that you did not start out your relationship this way, void of any emotion in regard to his cheating. I have a feeling that you simply learned to accept it and needed to find a way to do that in order to stay with him. You commented about that very thing. Seperating your emotions is a very good way to do that. By not sharing with him that you have also dipped into other pools, makes me wonder if you truly feel it doesn't matter....after all, why should he care if he is happy within himself? I would also assume that most people would choose to allow themselves to feel the full breadth of their emotions, even if that does result in some pain from time to time.

I'm glad you have found a way that works for you to deal with his indiscretions.....I hope it continues to work for you and that you have not merely cut off some emotions in order to continue in the relationship.

ty doula your comments has me questioning myself, i am not sure how to respond i need to meditate on this



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