my boyfriend and i have been together for about 9 months now. we constantly fight about the topic of marriage and i'm so frustrated about it i could pull my hair out! he is 37 has been divorced and has 2 kids from a previous marriage. he is successful in his career and came out better than most men in his divorce battle. he kept everything including the house and he has joint custody of his children. i am a 22 year old nurse also going to school full time to further my career in nursing (i'm working my way up to a masters degree). after about 6 months of our relationship i started asking him about the topic of marriage and whether or not he could see him self getting married again. his response was at the time "yea but probably not any time soon". according to him i shouldn't have taken his response so personally because it was a "generalized" statement. he also stated at the time "good things come to those who wait", "marriage is something i don't want to jump into", "marriage is something that comes with time". out of my frustration i started pushing the topic harder which has escaladed into several big fights within the last few months. there have been times when he has told me to leave, i have told him i didn't want to be with him, times i've cried.... times when we haven't talked.... all over this topic. his latest excuse is that i need to shut up for a while and let things go... "see what happen"... i highly doubt thats a cue that hes going to be buying an engagement ring anytime soon and i believe that he only wants me to shut up so he can get out of jail for free and have the benifits of being with me in a relationship without having to deal with any thoughts of serious commitment. after all of this fighting a part of me believes that if he didn't somewhat see me as someone he could spend his future with then he would have gotten rid of me a long time ago. but another part of me believes that he is putting up with it to reap the benefits of having a young girlfriend with no baggage? what do you think?
The only person who can answer your question is your BF. It's still early to talk about marriage. Its hard for him to see progress because you are asking about that since your 6th month and he might be tired telling all the same thing.
I understand you need to feel the security but take his words for now as long as you still feel love, respected not taken for granted.
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I think he's way too old for you. You are only 22 and are pressing an old man into committing himself into another marriage. You need to start dating someone your own age as this guy is not interested in jumping into anything anytime soon. I can tell you one thing, no guy likes to be bugged about getting married EVER and the more you do mention this and have fights about this topic the further away he will become to you emotionally. He even told you to cool it and you persisted. That tells me that you are way too immature for him as he's an older, settled personality and you're just jumping at the gun. What's the rush? You have a long time to grow up in a few years and you will see that he wants to take it slow and easy. You made a mistake though by moving in with him as he has the free milk without having to buy the cow. Would suggest that you move out as he had suggested and start your life without this guy.
i think it's a little too early to be talking about marriage anyway. 9 months, in my mind, is hardly enough time to have formed the bond that needs to be there for marriage. and at 22, are you sure you want to marry someone so much older and with the "baggage" of 2 children? I am not saying his children aren't wonderful, it's jus tthat it think it's a lot to take on for a 22 year old still in college just STARTING out her life. This man has already lived a life. Everything that will be important milestones in your life he has already done. What can you actually share except maybe love and lust?
I am not saying he is not the right man for you. I am just saying i think you should re-think your plan before jumping into marriage. Marriage is an important commitment and would you really want to marry the man after he proposes to you because you gave him an ultimatum? I mean seriously.
I can also understand him not wanting to settle down, if that's his reason. He might never get married again...one of those been there, done that scenarios.
I hope my advice helps and i just want you to think about all this. Just run a hot bath and sit in there and soak while you think about all this. I'm sure you will find the right answer. Many life answers have come to me while sitting in a hot bubble bath!
Pushing someone for marriage after such a short relationship isn't a good strategy, as you have found out, age difference or not. Now it's turned into a war which he will feel like he lost if he does consider getting married to you. The more you push it, the more it is going to make him wonder whether you love him or the lifestyle he can provide that men your age can't.
If you want to get married quick, find someone else willing to do that which he is not.
I'm not sure why you would want to get married to someone so quickly, no doubt he is too. It makes you seem desparate to get married & not that picky about who the groom is. Since he's been thru a divorce already, he's not wanting to go thru another one & the fights you are getting into aren't an aprodesiac either. What he sees is someone who keeps throwing temper tantrums when they don't get their way regarding a life altering decision which should be taken seriously & not rushed into, that's not going to make him rush to the alter with you either.
Your biological clock hasn't even started to tick so what is it that makes marriage & settling down at such a young age such a priority to you to someone you haven't even been with a year yet?
The best thing for you to do is to give some serious thought as to why rushing into an engagement / marriage is so important to you that you would make such an issue of it so soon into a relationship, how much has to do with him at all vs. your need / desire to be married and/or the benefits he offers aside from his person / companionship. That could help you sort things out for yourself so you can stop pushing him away using marriage as the battering ram for one or find someone that is similarly minded right off the bat.
I think you already answered your question. He is not interested in marriage and a long term relationship. All he wants is free sex. Dump the jerk, get your degree and move on.
First, let me applaude you on your education and the pursuit of a masters! Second, why do you feel the need to get married right now? You know this man's past and that he is divorced and doesnt feel the need to get married right now to you or anyone else for that matter so why not just date and see where it takes you! If he is just seeing you because you are younger than he is then his alterior motives will come to light surely. Maybe you should ask this man what are the qualities you have that attracts him to you and then you might get some truth as to why he is with you. If marriage comes out of any relationship that happens with time. Don't rush through life, enjoy each day and better yourself and I have to say i do agree with one thing the guy said, good things come to those who wait which means be patient! I wish you all the best and please take the time to think about what you are asking for because if by some chance he does decide to marry you out of fear of loosing you then you are headed for some even more heartbreak in the future and even more problems either one of you need in your life. Good luck!
Listen my now fiance asked me after 3 weeks of being together if I would be his wife one day. Its called when you know you know and you shouldnt have to press the issue. At our 3 year anniversary I got a house, and HUGE diamond ring. Like I said when you know you know and it just takes time and trust and marriage isnt something that needs to be talked about over and over no matter how old you are.
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