Me and my husband have been married for almost five years and and we are both under 35 we keep on arguing and just being so irritated by each other lately all we do is blame each other and we keep contemplating divorce i think we are both scared of being alone as for me i would like to break up and move on but im not sure if thats the right thing to do.I have a fear of being alone and i also know thats no reason to stay in a marriage.I have to say I love my husband he is so a good man I sometimes think maybe we are growing apart , I then think the easy thing to do would be to leave the hard thing would be to stay and fight for a good healthy realtionship that is ultimately what i want HELP

jespinoza1

Hi, I was about to call it a night untill I ran across your quesstion. I have been exactly where you are right now. I am 28 and I have been married for 10 years and together with my husband for 12. Yes I was really young when I got married and we have been through the worst times and the best times. There was a time where all we did was argue and I just wanted out of the marriage so bad. I did leave him twice. Thank god he was the stronger on in the relationship because if it were up to me we would have been divorced already. What happens in relationships is that we fall in love and go through the new lovers stage, then we get married and we go through the honey moon stage. Well that only lasts so long untill we start getting on each others nerves and every little thing that each of us do is anoying to one another. We were able to get through it and if you guys love each other you can to. What we came to realize was that we just needed some space we spent so much time together and we never hung out with our own friends or had something that was ours alone. What he did was get a hobby, he bought a remote control car and started going to the race tracks. Although his hobby is very expensive it gave us time apart. I am able to go out and have some time with my girlfriends and it gives us some space and time away from eachother. Like a mini vacation lol. I suggest that you and your husband sit and try to find the core of the problem before you even consider or think about a divorce. Especially if there are kids involved.

Sometimes the problems are much smaller than we realize and we make drastic decissions without thinking them through because we are angry or hurt. I am so guilty of that, I cant even begin to tell you the things I've done because I was hurt and angry. I could never take them back. Just live with the guilt that I alone carry. My husband is a great man and from what you say yours is to. So you need to ask yourself is this fixable? are these petty little arguments that really do not need to be made into the big yell fest they become? Because he forgot to leave the toilet seat down. I have learned to pick and choose my fights. That is the best advice I can give you coming from someone that has been in your exact situation, Pick and choose your fights wisely and make sure that you have all your bases covered when you do.

Dale B

Take it from me.
Save your marriage. Analyse what is wrong, take half the blame, and decide on a way to start from scratch. Leave for a couple of days and ignore each other, do some external activities to give yourself drive and happiness and fix your personal image by exercise and being heathy. Stay if you can but you have to rip it all apart and start again. I know it is hard but it will work if you both want to give 100 percent.
Goodluck.
Dale

LovedByGod

Don't give up. Disagreements can also be a time for growth as a couple if handled right. Some of the spousal disagreements I've had, when met with respect and love, turned into moments that deepened our relationship as a whole. Try respecting him and keeping in mind his dignity as a person when talking it through. Are the arguments over real things or trivial things? Either way I think talking it out is always good for you both. At least by finding the root of the problem you can make a difference.

For my marriage our shared faith life is key. Our faith transcends everything else and so we can always meet on a common ground. There is love and there is sacramental love. Sacramental love is defined by sacrifice and charity. To know who you are in Gods eyes first and then to see your spouse in that light changes everything. They just don't look the same after that.

You can always go deeper into who you are as a person and who he is as a person. Maybe change the kind of time you're having together by talking about things of a spiritual nature. I do agree that time apart is a good thing in moderation. Why not go on adventures together doing something that the both of you have never done before? It will give you something to talk about that neither of you have a history with. It also might break you out of your comfortable place of indifference and start talking about something other then yesterday's dirty laundry.

I think we should all fight hard for our marriages. They are how we are most like God. From the communion of love of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit all of creation came forth. We were special and in Gods likeness, our highest calling is marriage. From the communion of love of husband and wife come the creation of new life...children. That's sacred and special. It's also a life long oath...never abandon something so precious.

I'll be praying for you both!

talaniman

You have been given some really good advice. I would only add, that after 5 years, reality is very hard to deal with, and you are being tested, whether or not you can work together, to solve your problems. Most cannot, or are not willing to do the work it takes, once the easy part(honeymoon) is over, and the next level hits them between the eyes. You both need room to be happy doing the things you enjoy without each other, and establish the boundaries of fighting when you disagree, and work on that communication. 9 times out of 10, its not what you say but when, and how. Be patient, and show your partner, the same love, you want shown to you. I bet your arguing over dumb stuff anyway, but just don't know how to give each other some breathing room to relax a minute and think.

JL FANATIC

stay with him, take a trip to a nice hotel for the weekend. wear a smile when you see him, that is your husband you are one with one another. Give me hope, I look up to married people.

kelly514

relationships are always going to have ups and downs....the thing is if you left that distance grow, it will keep on growing, so talk things over, spend more time together......my grandmother used to tell me that a true love is hard to come by, but when they do, it's up to us to keep the game going......think of it this way, when a person gets say cancer, do we give up and say ah what the hell, i'll just give up...no on the contrary we fight, we fight to keep ourselves alive.......and such a fight should also be put up for love.......believe me it's worth it!.......best of luck!

mirandycc

I have been through a lot in the past two years with my husband. Drugs, abuse, jail, dhs taking the child away from him... he got off the drugs, on bipolar medication... we joined parenting classes, we havent fought since december, and we are in marriage counseling. When we hit rock bottom, and divorce seemed like the only answer, our love was enough to make the both of us try, and now our marriage is absolutely wonderful... A book that helped us is "The Five Love Languages". It tells how one partner may do someting and the other not even realize that they were doing it out of love. It explains how like some speak english, some spanish, some german.... the same goes with love. We all speak a different language. Mybe yall need to learn to speak the same language. that is what we had to do.