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I have been married 3 years but with him for about 8years and i am so confused how does a person know what to do with mixed up feeling and I feel strong and everything, anyway we have been through so much stuff and I am only 23 years old when we were 1st together I chaeted on hime while he was in the military and he was away for 4 years and he did too he still says to this day he has not but i do nt believe him..... anyway now we have 2 babies and he is out of the military and we are still having trust issues and he doe snot trust me and i do trust him but I think it is because I do not care that much he has been so mean to me really really verbally abusive and a little physical abusive in the past and I have actually been physical as well not enough to hurt him but i know it is not right for either one of us but anyway he is trying ot be better it has been 2 weeks and he has been really nice but I do not know how long that will last and I have cheated on him again recently and i really like this guy that i have been with a couple times I think about him alot he treats me good but i d not know if it is because I really like him and it could be somthing great or if it just I want to feel wanted and I am tired of my husband i need help I fell really strong about this guy but I also love my husband and I think too much has happened between and he will never trust me and I guess that is trur because i cheated on him again what the F^%*& should I do??................?
1 take a breather
2 obviously your marrige(sp?) has problems. you should first try to fix them. if you can't i would consider divorce
3 if you like the guy and feel that he is worth more than your husband then again divorce
You are so young and already have 2 babies and a marriage. You have grown up really fast and have alot of responsibilities. No wonder you have cheated on your husband - you probably feel you need a way out. This situation is not about the cheating, it is about unhappiness.
Because of your children, I would ask that you and your husband go to counseling to try and save your marriage. Now you can no longer just think of yourself, you need to consider what is best for your children and their future. You must try and find some way to gain the happiness you need if you plan to stay with your husband. When you married, you made a commitment to be faithful to each other. No doubt, your husband is unhappy as well if he is verbally abusive to you. And at no time is physical violence an answer.
If your husband does not go to counseling with you then I would suggest that you go by yourself. You need more support than can be offered here.
i think its time to stop and think of your life,future,what is best for you and the kids in the long run.
this marriage doesnt sound healthy at all, if one person cheats, then the other partner cheats to get back at the person,then you cheat again your priorities are obviously with yourselves and not the wellbeing of the marriage.
take time out and both be alone for a while,see where it goes from there.
I am so confused we fight all the time just fought this morning again about somthing so stupid he smokes weed and I am trying to get him to stop and everytime he does not have any and he is not high is had one of his mood swings and blows up for no reason and I am sooooo tired of dealing with it he is driving me crazy...... sometimes I feel like I want to be with him but for most of the time i do not want to be near him at all IS THIS JUST A FAZE AND IT WILL GO AWAY ???? I felt like this for a while now and I do not know what to do he also a couple months ago tried to hook up with some girls one of them was even his brothers girl .............. I am so stressed out and so lost ???????????????? and I can not stop thinking about this guy that I really like .......
Okay, there is a lot going on here. I am the type of person that will fight and will tell others to fight for something that is worth fighting over. Go for counseling if you still have feelings. After that, determine if there is still hope. If not, move on.
Here are my thoughts to ponder:
1. You fight all of the time. Do you want to live the rest of your life like that?
2. You still have some feelings for him. This is natural, as at one time the two of you loved each other. I think you are thinking ofwhat could have been/should have been and this contradicts with what is reality. You are probably telling yourself that this is NOT what I signed up for.
3. In your first post, you stated that you cheated on him and he cheated on you, even though you don't believe his denials. What may be happening is that you are using projection; if you are guilting of something, you state that the other person is guilty of the same thing in order to rationalize (i.e. "I cheated therefore he must have cheated too"). He may have cheated, but you don't have actual proof. My real life example: My ex, who was still my husband at this time, was accusing me of having an affair because I started to wear make up and earrings again. I was a stay at home mom who just got a new job, hence the reason. I was stumped why he would accuse me of this. When would I have the time? I talked about this in therapy and my therapist said that he was probably projecting his own guilt onto me. One day, I defended him to my therapist, saying that he was too busy to have an affair, and she said that I was projecting onto him the reasons that I was not having an affair. Then I found proof that he was having an affair. See, you can project both good and bad things. Projecting good things onto an untrustworthy person is also known as being naive and too trusting. Projecting bad things onto an innocent person is called being guilty.
4. Once boundaries are crossed and broken, it takes a lot of work in order to mend them and to make things work again. Do you really think that this is possible? Do you really want to make it work? Continuing with what you have been doing is not working. You need to decide what your next steps are and then take it from there. Sh*t or get off the pot. Do you want to be with this new guy, or is he just a bandaid for the moment?
You have a lot of questions to ask and answer yourself. Until you do that, you will continue to be miserable.
well over this weekend a lot has happened he does not want to work I am working all the time trying to pay our bills and he is not helping me at all and on thursday he did not go to work because he said he wanted to chill with me and instead he left right when i got home to go to his brothers and smoke weed all night and i got mad at him for that and he left on thursday and has not been back since has not even called or anything i am so tired of his attitude and he thinks he can just leave every time he gets a little upset and I really need him to start helping me out i am having a hard time raising this family ny my slef i would rather do it on my own then have to deal with his crap
And just know that you CAN do it on your own. It may not be easy, but then again, living with him and dealing with his stuff is not easy either. Is this guy's name on the lease (if you rent) or on the house (if you own?). If not, then have the locks changed so that he cannot waltz right back in. If/when he finds out that you have done this and he gets belligerent, then go to the police and file an order of protection so that he cannot hurt you or your child. Make sure that you are ready to take the next step and that you are truely ready to move on. Saying it is one thing. Actually doing something about it is another.
I have really thought about everything and about what you guys have told me and I finally made up my mind Hopefully this time it will work he is still gone and still acting like him and now a week later he is begging me to take him back and I keep telling him no I can not do this stuff anymore this is really really hard harder then i thought but I hope I will be strong enough to go all the way with this me and my kids are so much happier thanks you
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