Is this what marriage is like?

I don't know what will help but are you better off IN this marriage than you would be OUT of this marriage?

Churches very often offer free counselling - have you looked into that?

You are overwhelmed, and tired. You need a friend, and a church counselor is a good person to talk to about your feelings, and resentments.

You are not alone. Talk to a minister. Talk to God. He's always there.

This is just an idea, but when my husband and I were going through problems, we did some research with our insurance company and found out that our insurance paid for 90% of our counseling sessions which we only had to pay 10 dollars for an hour long session.

It's just a thought. Check with your Insurance company. If not, then everyone else had a good idea about talking with your church.

Either way good luck.

Great Idea Enigma...Kit

For a man without the benefit of the 'controls" (and I mean this in a nice way) that come with a marriage until his late 30's and early 40's... Well most tend to not 'grow up.' And although this is not necessarily true in all cases it is common.

You have your hands full no doubt but you say that things are changing for the better - a bit. Are you able to sit down and discuss this at all with him? I mean now, now that he seems to be coming around some?

In any case it is never good to make one person your all and everything. To be devoted, yes. But you also need to make a life for yourself and not become enslaved so to speak to any one person. Having an individual life within your marriage enhances the relationship and makes you more interesting to yourself, those around you and to your mate. And gives you a sense of well being and self control.

I agree as always that if there is a chance at all of saving this marriage then go to a counselor or someone at your church and get him to go also. That is the only true way to have counseling work, he has to see what he has to loose also and that counseling may work, if you both desire it to.

Stringer

I didn't think of counseling at church. Thank you all for your suggestions, my husband wants to attend church, but I fear perhaps all is lost. I loved him so much, and I thought he did too, that's why we got married, or so I thought, and then he put me through hell, I was confused and hurt. I never got married because of these kind of games. I do have a life, I am self sufficient, I take care of myself and my two kids, I've taken care of his kids too, and I don't understand where all the hostility came from. I am tired and weary and feel used. He assures me that he loves me, more now, whatever that means, and to his credit he has calmed down considerably...but is it enough? I pray every day. Thank you everyone for all your answers, you are kind and I will definitely consider counseling through church. I guess I have nothing else to lose, if it doesn't work out, I know that I did try everything possible to save our marriage. Thanks again.

Go in with a positive attitude. You pray and don't think God doesn't hear you, He does. He always finds a way to help his children. Bless you

And I would go into ANY counselling, church, private, with an attitude that it CAN and WILL make a difference.