My husband had cheated.You can read some of it in an earlier thread.Now I observed him e-mailing her boys who are teenagers and have their own dad.My question is this;Is it too much to demand that he stop any contact not only with her but with her kids,too?As far as I see it is any contact with her kids is a contact with her,too.I am not so sure that he is not still talking to her,either,as he is very secretive about his e-mails and his MySpace account.Any suggestions?

Krs

Forgiving your partner after cheating is always a burden on the relationship. Sometimes that why i believe it should be finished, as the trust isnt the same.

Do you trust him?
Are you happy?

beanster

No and no!

Krs

Would u be happier if you moved on?

beanster

Propably!But as you can see by my earlier posting,I am stuck here for now.But my question is more about wether my demands are exagerated or within normal limits.

talaniman

Your feelings are your own and if contact with the kids of the one he cheated with bugs you then thats how you feel and have every right to voice those feelings. He has cheated already and still in contact, albeit indirectly, with this female. Don't you know he is still cheating? No your demands are reasonable and more than normal, to answer your question.

beanster

Thank you!I do feel that he is still in contact with her,too as he keeps his e-mail and other communications a secret and is often away at night and does not really explain where he was.I found a receipt of a motel and he had a convoluted story about it.We tried counseling but he wasted everybody's time with small talk and now says that the counselor is"stupid".I am considering going by myself,though,as I am depressed and that is not normal for me.

J_9

It is apparent, to me at least, that he is still cheating on you.

I did read your other post, but there has to be a way out of this. People from other countried get divorced all the time. I am wondering if he is just intimidating you so that he can have his cake and eat it too.

beanster

I give you an example:I had found out and confronted both of them end of March.She was supposed to be my friend,too.All hell broke loose and he promised to change.I really tried my best to listen and to be there for him.We went to church every Sunday and marriage counselingand then my beloved pet iguana died.I had loved this animal and I called my husband at work that the iguana is dying and that I am on the way to the vet.I came home to look at the empty cage.I had this iguana for eight years and he was a famous lizard as we had gone to educational programs and schools and thousands of people had met him.He was special so when he died after a long illness I was very emotional.My husband did not come home that night.I knew in my gut where he was but was in denial.I could not believe he would do that.The next day would have been our anniversary to top it off.I e-mailed his sister and she called him the next morning.I did not even have his phone number for his new cell phone.He called me and told me that he had gone drinking and slept at some friend's house.By the afternoon I called her house and just asked if he had been there last night and found my fear confirmed.He came home later at night and I flew off the handle.I gave him the rings and told him that I will not wear them until he can commit with all his heart.We are living now like oil and water.We do not share beds.I still have not heard any remorse about it from him.He had always been jealous of my care for the iguana.By the way,reptiles are what I intend to make a living with and I am regarded as an expert.So that gives you an idea what is going on here.

J_9

Is there a reason you can't pick up and move into at least a hotel for the time being?