my wife of 6 years recently brought up tha fact that she has had feelings that she may not be in love with me anymore. she said she loves me vey much however. Ever since our 4 year old daughter was born her sex drive has gone down, not until this year did I mention to her that fact. she says she feels not ambitions for sex. this new years we had a terrible argument over the fact that she has been under alot of stress with the bills and her work and looking after me and the little one. I understand a little more now since our talk. however one day before new years she uncharacteristically went out on a wed. said she would come back in a minute, ever since I have been suspicious. We have always trusted each other and never asked any questions. but this time since what she told me I looked into our cell call log and noticed a ohone number she called that particular night. I asked her about it and she said it was a friend but wouldnt tell me who. I immediately thought it might be her ex- whom I do not like and she knows it. I was going crazy so again I foolishly logged on to her email adress at a her job and found some email that bothered me, nothing convinsing of her unfaithfulness however they confirmed that she had not only been talking but meeting with him time to time. when I approached her with a copy of the email she still denied ever meeting with him. I had one foot out the dooe tha night but she hel me back I was crying like a baby, she wooried about how I got that email more so than what it said , I told her someone gave it to me. it wasnt until next day she told me she had been seeing him just to talk. I dont know aanymore if I can trust her? should I ? is she teeling the truth? I am so confused I love her very much, I am tape recording her conversations in her car just to hear something but nothing is there, am I paranoid? since the new year I am working with her talking and wanting to get close to her but she doesnt want to get intimate whatsoever, one time 2 weeks ago we went out she got drunk and it was the best time we had in a while, she was all over me and i miss that. please advise

KMSRyana

Wow. A suggestion from my past is that you need to quit spying on her. Don't tape record her, don't check her phone, don't check her email. You'll only drive her away. Advice like this is hard to hear, and harder to do when you're emotionally involved in what's going on. My ex-wife did very similar things and the harder I snooped and the more I pushed her, the farther away we became. I don't know if I hadn't been so curious in wanting to confirm my suspicions, if we'd have had a shot at staying together or not. What I do know, is that by being pushy I killed all chances of it happening. You need to ask yourself this.... If she is cheating on you, could you forgive her and still want to be with her?

ordinaryguy

Yes, you are being paranoid, and Rayna is right, spying on her will drive her away and make you feel even worse. Stop it immediately. If you really feel like you can't trust her, then you need to deal with those feelings rather than looking for evidence to justify them.

BIM

I agree with this totally!!! My husband accused me of cheating and I did not!!! He did the same things you are doing and they are more hurtful than the actual accusations. He constantly was questioning EVERYTHING I did, to the point I was questioning everything I did. It made me resent him even more. This happened last July and we are just NOW starting to relax again with each other.

I was to a point of leaving because I was always back tracking making sure I was doing any little thing wrong he might find out--and yet I wasn't. That was the absolute worst time of my life and would never want to go through that again. You HAVE to trust her and quit looking for things and put that energy towards fixing your relationship.

If she is contacting her ex--you two need to sit down and figure out why this his happening. I learned a lot from my experience. I was flirting but was NOT unfaithful, I put all of the energy into my relationship and flirting with my husband which in turn gave me the feelings I was looking for when flirting with other men. It comes full circle.

She shouldn't be contacting her ex, but something is missing there to make her do it.

My opinion for what it is worth

Good luck!!

Kelleyk43

I am going to agree with everyone who told you to stop snooping. I am dealing with a similar situation. I was getting a little too close to a friend (I didn't cheat, but it did cross my mind), my husband asked me not to speak to that man anymore, I have reluctantly complied (not immediately). Since then, the list of people he has demanded I no longer speak to just gets longer. For months now my husband has been doing what you are doing, snooping, spying, accusing. Just today he called a phone number he didn't recognize and had it out with some guy (I still don't know who it was, wrong number maybe?) He has threatened male friends to "stay away if you know what's good for you"
That kind of behavior has made me consider the fact that my marriage may not be worth the work I am putting in. I am considering divorce. Your behavior will only push her away. You are suffocating your marriage. If you love her, trust her, if she gives you an ACTUAL reason not to (and I don't mean when you are spying, that makes YOU the bad guy) then cross that bridge. You can save your marriage, but not this way.