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He's lieing to me and I dont know what to do about it
I've been married for almost a yr, I have a 3 month old baby and I love my husband and baby very much, I want to work through any problems that arise but there's one particular problem that just keeps popping up and there's nothing I can do to change it.
My husband is 25 yrs old and he's only had 1 job in his whole life and that only lasted 6 months. I ask him over and over to look for work, he says he is but I KNOW he's not. He claims to be handing out resumes but instead I find him sitting in his parked car reading a book for hours on end untill he comes back home. I ask him to look for work online and make some calls, which he claims he did on his phone but when I ask him for proof of making any calls from his mobile he suddenly changes his story and claims he didn't call from his phone but instead from a pay phone!
He lies about looking for work all the time, all he does is watch TV and play games! He takes no responsibility at all for helping to look after our family financially! I dont know what to think or what to do! I love him very much, his personality is very sweet but when it comes to helping out with adult repsonsibility he instead acts like a child. I feel like Im a single mum looking after two children!
What should I do in this situation? Ive tried talking to him about it, explaining how I feel, threatening to leave if he doesnt get his act together, nothing works. I dont WANT to leave him. I dont beleive in divorce and I want this to work out but I dont know what else I can do to make him grow up. I dont want my children to grow up not having much because we're on unemployment benefits, I dont want to live in a $hitty caravan park and not have a ice home to raise my children in because he doesnt want to grow up and get a job! I dont want to be the sole provider of the family while he's sitting at home watching tv and playing playstation games! I love him so damn much but its frutsrtaing me and I dont know what to do!
What should I do???
I can find very little sympathy for you. You knew all this before you had a chled and got married. I understand that you dont want a divorce for whatever reason. But you have to stop thinking about what you want and what is good for the child. I think not only your husband needs some counseling but you need too as well.
Sorry to be so hard on you, have a similar situation with a sister of mine and it gets me nuts.
So dont try and say this is all my fault and only Im responsible, I came here to ask for advice, not to be put down. OK?
How old are you? How old is he? Who is currently paying your bills IF neither of you have jobs? Who is paying for the formula, water, TV, electricity, etc.?
You want advice. Okay. I will let you know that you aren't going to like it. However, I hope think about it.
You are a single mother whether you are married or not. You are doing everything you mentioned except the job and paycheck. You are the responsible one.
You chose to get into a sexual relationship with this male because he was sweet and romantic. ANY time sex is a part of anything there is a possibility of creating a new life that depends on you for everything. By having sex you took responsibility for the concept of that new life and when you got pregnant you accepted the responsibility of being a Mother.
Should he get up off his lazy rear-end and be a father and husband? Yes. Is he going to? Not as long as you don't make any changes. Why should he? You rant and rave and threaten but you don't carry through. That is your responsibility. You have trained him to ignore you.
Is there a relative or friend who would help out with the baby while you got a job? How about if you left or kicked out the bum? Would they be more open to helping you, then? Have you looked into daycare help for low income families/single mothers? Are you qualified to work in a daycare that might take your child too? Have you looked at babysitting other people's children in your own home or theirs where you could take your child with you? What about other work you could do at home?
Sometimes, depression can manifest in selfish behaviors like your husband is displaying. Not bathing properly, arguing with you, and not caring for his son, are other indicators that he may be depressed.
Since it sounds like he has a history of "lazy" behavior, I wouldn't be surprised if its gotten worse as an indication of depression of some sort.
Marriage counseling is a good option. Do some local research and you may be able to find a free or low cost counselor, even a a religious leader who may be able to help both of you. Either way, I'm sure you must realize that things the way they are can't continue before you and/or the relationship break apart. So, its worth looking into some options. Ultimately, he's a grown man and no amount of arguing or guilt will get him up off the couch unless he has the desire to do so. A professional counselor may have the tools to get thru to him.
Have a serious talk with him and tell him what you've said here. He owes you the chance to explain how frustrated and scared you are. You owe him the chance and opportunity to change.
If you weren't the good person that you are, you wouldn't care, would you. That says a lot about you, and its all good from where I sit. Your child has a good mom, but she is hurting and can't do this by herself. Nor should she.
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