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We don't see eye to eye on anything!

Asked Feb 19, 2007, 12:48 PM — 6 Answers
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We have 3 children (my oldest is from a previous marriage). About 2 years ago, my husband and I started having major problems, most of which unfortunately stemmed from us using crystal meth. We have since gotten off of the drugs, but the problems are still here. We have been to marriage counseling already. One of the main problems is that we have completely different views about any situation that comes up. If I want to go out with friends, he has a problem with it. If I talk or text on my phone, he gets upset. He is smothering me to death. He says that he wants to be a part of every aspect of my life. He doesn't understand that "girls night out" is exactly that..."girls night out"! No husbands, significant others, etc. Allowed. He automatically thinks that I am out doing something to hurt him. I will admit that during our drug use I did some things that I shouldn't have (never physically cheated on him), but how long am I going to have to pay for my past? I find myself pulling away from him more and more because of his insecurities and his neediness. He tells me that I am the cause for him feeling this way. I know that the things I put him through in the past made him feel this way, but we have both changed now. I am not doing those same things anymore. I feel like he is slowly taking everything that I enjoy away from me. I don't know how to make him feel any different about me, but I can't go on with him constantly suspecting, accusing, and snooping around on me. Please help.

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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,371, Reputation: 50371
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#2

Feb 19, 2007, 08:57 PM


He needs a professional to guide him through the process of dealing with his baggage. No doubt. If he will not go, then you may have to have a separation to calm this situation down, and get to what the next step should be. I feel your frustration, and if you need someone to talk to please avail yourself of whatever services your city has. Some how the communication has to be restored between you. Sorry but unless he becomes willing to at least work for a solution things will become worse.
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margarita_momma's Avatar
margarita_momma Posts: 300, Reputation: 233
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#3

Feb 20, 2007, 06:43 AM
Hey girl,

I totally feel your pain. Even though my husband and I have never used drugs nor have I ever gave him a reason to think I would cheat on him, he still smothers me. Constantly asking where I am going, wants to tag along on girls night out because I might cheat on him, calls me every 15 minutes when I am away from him. It is getting so frustrating that I am thinking a little separation time will be good for us. Sad to say, it is nice to know someone else is in the same boat as me so I don't feel so alone in this. I hope everything works out for you and if you do get a break through, PLEASE TELL ME!

Melissa
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valinors_sorrow's Avatar
valinors_sorrow Posts: 3,034, Reputation: 3328
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#4

Feb 20, 2007, 06:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by freespirit72
We have been to marriage counseling already.
This is hopefully not a "been there, done that" kind of thing? Time to see another counselor, with or without him. It can motivate him to come along and fix what's killing your relationship or for you to move along in recognition that its really not going to be repaired. If you attempt a separation it would be wise to have a counselor's help to lay down some mutually acceptable ground rules to it, okay?
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freespirit72's Avatar
freespirit72 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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#5

Feb 20, 2007, 10:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by margarita_momma
Hey girl,

I totally feel your pain. Even though my husband and I have never used drugs nor have I ever gave him a reason to think I would cheat on him, he still smothers me. Constantly asking where I am going, wants to tag along on girls night out because I might cheat on him, calls me every 15 minutes when I am away from him. It is getting so frustrating that I am thinking a little separation time will be good for us. Sad to say, it is nice to know someone else is in the same boat as me so I don't feel so alone in this. I hope everything works out for you and if you do get a break through, PLEASE TELL ME!

Melissa
It is nice to know that we aren't alone in this. I almost feel like I can't tolerate an insecure man. I find myself becoming very rebellious and resentful towards him. I have tried to tell him that the more he smothers me, the more I tend to pull away from him. If we are out somewhere and some guy even looks my way, he gets upset...it irritates me to death! It would thrill me to death if another female looked at him and gave him a compliment. I don't have an answer for this situation, but, believe me...I am still looking!
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valinors_sorrow's Avatar
valinors_sorrow Posts: 3,034, Reputation: 3328
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#6

Feb 20, 2007, 10:44 AM
Well you know what they say.... If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
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margarita_momma's Avatar
margarita_momma Posts: 300, Reputation: 233
Full Member
  
#7

Feb 20, 2007, 02:58 PM
My husband is the same way when another man looks at me or gives me a compliment. We can be just walking through the mall and if I even glance in the direction of another guy, I automatically must want to f**k him. It drives me crazy. He asks me all the time if someone hit on him wouldn't I be just so jealous and throw a huge fit like he does. I say, "No. I would be happy for you if you got a compliment." We are trying a new exercise I found online, every time something comes out of his mouth that I find rude or obscene towards me, we sit down and talk about it and vise versa. I have put my foot down and told him he is smothering me and if it doesn't stop he will have to go and stay a few days at his parent's house or I would be leaving with our son. It has worked so far and I am hoping things will continue getting better. Good luck! ~ Mel
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