hello everyone my name is nancy and i want some advice please;
I am 22 years old, i got married when i was 19 years old...and i just had a baby she is 9 months old...my problem is my husband i am sooooooooooo tired of him because i found out that he keeps on communicating with his ex girlfriends he talks with them on the phone,and even chats with them...and he sweet talks to his friends and acts totally different with them. ohh and when i tried to see who is calling him he gets mad if i get near the phone and when he is chatting he tells me "what do u want? are you spying or what?"
When the baby cries he perfer to be on the computer insted of checking to see whats wrong with her.He doesnt change diappers, or give the baby a bath and when i ask him to he is like "your the mom"....i am very depress sometimes i feel like running away... When it comes to his friends he perfers to be out all night long he gets home at 5am or later he doesnt even pay attention to me..he doesnt say that i look beautiful or give me a goodnight kiss.. Right now we are in vacation with his family and instead of taking me out he perfers to be home all day sleeping and when the night comes he is like "ill be right back i am going to see a friend" and leaves me here with the baby....Sometimes i feel like i HATE HIM, i just cant stand him no mor.Everyday i feel like if he is killing all the love that i used to have towards him. I dont admire him like i used to, i dont love him like i used to.I want to divorce him but i think about the baby i dont know what i should do please if someone read this give me some advice please i need it.... THANK YOU.......

talaniman

What an oaf. Was he this way before the baby, or is this something that just started.

mjl

First of all, I don't think cheating has to be physical (referring to him calling his ex- not that there is anything wrong with it if it is innocent, I'm talking about if it is unappropriate).

Secondly, I think you guys need some marriage counselling.

Does he know how you feel? He can't read your mind you know. Communication and honest is the key to a great marriage.

bushg

I am a true believer in staying if there is anyway possible, esp if you have children but.........
Why don't you try writing him a letter and talk to him about the way you feel, that way he can read and reread it. Also it is not like you will be standing there for him to walk away or get off topic. This way you can say everything that you want to say without being interrupted or blamed.
I don't think I would mention divorce at this point to him.
You can come back here as much as you want we will be your sounding board and will lend all of the advice that we can.
Tal the poster above is a very good man to receive advice from.

George_1950

Counseling is first and foremost; you just have to locate a competent counselor. Second, short of divorce is 'legal separation'. Look into this possiblity; you will need a lawyer who is sensitive to family issues and not just after the quick buck. It may be that your husband will wake up before you leave him.

oneguyinohio

Good Luck, it's not an easy thing. It seems as if he never grew up, and isn't into the parent thing. The fact that he is not taking those responsibilities is disgusting to me as a father who was the primary care giver of a son for the first three years of his life until his mom unilaterally decided she wanted out of the marriage...
I don't understand his thinking other than to say that it seems to be only of himself, and if he is not attached to the baby, what is the difference where you are?
Talk with him if he will listen, try counseling if he will, and do the best you can for your child.

talaniman

Giving him the benefit of a doubt he may not have the skills to deal with an infant, nor the willingnes to try. Talking to the ex, and ignoring you is a different thing though. Thats something you do not have to tolerate, and if this change is recent, more the need to communicate honestly, and reset boundaries with him. He may get away with not changing diapers, but He can't get away with disrespecting you. I think a wake up call is in order, you and your baby go on vacation, to give him the alone time to see that his family is important. Visit mom or a friend, and let it be a big surprise to him. As a matter of fact, you can take your time letting him know your gone. Sometimes, before you can communicate, you have to have their attention.

Marie Mission

Hi Nancy,
I feel for you because it is so hard once there are children involved. It does sound like your husband either has a peter pan complex - and does not want to face fatherhood - since it would mean he would have to grow up. Or has low self-esteem and needs the attention of others (past girlfriends and current friends) to boost his ego and make him feel important. Either way, it stinks for you. I think if I were you I would start looking my best and showing him that you can have your own life without him.

simonehitchings

Hi Nancy,
I agree with Marie, show him you can have your own life.
I have three little boys ages 1,2 and 3 we go out every day and have fun.
Mothers group. playgroup etc.
I go out with my girlfriends when i get the need, for dinner, night clubs etc,
He sounds like he may be a bit young, he could grow out of this behavior hopefully.
We all have the hard times, when we completely hate our husbands.
Yours sounds like he is being a complete pig lately. ignore him and have fun with your friends. If his behavior doesnt start to improve in time and your really unhappy then think about the next step.but be careful because even the people you think are the happiest in the world go through there ups and downs, you have to survive through them, be strong within yourself. unless he cheats. that will be harder, he will grow out of contacting his exs when he realises how boring they are. Id hang in a while pretend you dont care have fun with your daughter. let him grow up, if he doesnt, with time then think about what you should do.

talaniman

The last two posters had a very good point. Be responsible for your own happiness.