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Hi my name is carmela, I am 38 years old and been married for twenty years to the same man. We have four childen together. Recently I have been having these strong attraction feeling with a male friend of ours that I known for 10 years. When I first met the my friend we click instant we are both the same sign. we have a lot of things and common.
but lately every time I step in the same room with him I get these weird feeling when I around him. The chemistry is so strong between him and I other people can see it to. I think about him twenty four seven. When I see him talking to other female I get upset. And I know he feels the same way about me. We talk on the phone for hours and some times twice a week.
That not even the bad part.
The bad part is that he is the pastor of our church
nothing sexually have happen between us but my feeling and emotions are out of wack.
Advice please.
My advice is that you need to know that you are married for twenty years with four children. You need to do what is right for your family and children.
As far as this male attraction being a pastor of your church, well He is not supposed to cross certain lines. You are not supposed to cross certain lines.
Your having an emotional affair, ever here of that. It sounds that one day the lines will be crossed if you do not stop obsessing over somebody that is not available, and your not available.
My advice, no more 24/7 thinking, no more talks, no more phone calls. You need to limit your contact.
What you are going through is to some degree normal. Often people involved in perfectly good marriages seek the attention of those outside of the relationship. You may feel that he understands you better than your husband or he is more fun than him. This can happen as we become distracted by our ho hum day to day lives, and four kids will do that to you. You need to evaluate your current marriage, questions to ask are: Do you love your husband? What can you do to spice up your life? Do you have a date night or have you had a romantic evening away from the kids lately? Don't lose sight of communication and give him the opportunity to wisk you off your feet again like he did twenty years ago. What ever you end up doing, look at the big picture impact on friends, family, and yourself. The grass is not always greener on the other side so tread cautiously. Good luck.
My advice is that you need to know that you are married for twenty years with four children. You need to do what is right for your family and children.
As far as this male attraction being a pastor of your church, well He is not supposed to cross certain lines. You are not supposed to cross certain lines.
Your having an emotional affair, ever here of that. It sounds that one day the lines will be crossed if you do not stop obsessing over somebody that is not available, and your not available.
My advice, no more 24/7 thinking, no more talks, no more phone calls. You need to limit your contact.
This should not even be a choice, you pick your husband, if his means getting couseling to get some spark in your marriage you do it.
You quit that church NOW, stop any contact with the pastor, don't call him, don't answer his calls. no contact what so ever and start putting your focus back on your family.
If he is the pastor of your church, I have to think his sermons must be slightly interesting if after 10 years you are having such thoughts. Have you been listening or daydreaming?
It is possible that you are experiencing some infatuation with him as a leader in the church, and admiring him for his power and the work he does... but getting those lines crossed and getting involved with him is not wise. Take the advice of others and seek a new church.
If you're willing to break all the rules that your church holds sacrid, that should tell you something about your desires. Religiously, if you want to walk the walk, you need to move away from the temptation, and if you aren't going to church for that purpose, then you're a bit of a hedonist living for personal gratification.
I hope your marriage can be improved through counseling, but you need to do so, outside of the influence of the desires for your pastor. Not a good idea to have him involved in the counseling.
Leave the church. That can be as easy or as difficult as you choose to make it. Then, work at making your marriage all it can be. Give it at least two years.
I am all too familiar with an emotional affair. Trust me, it's not worth it. I did that and lost my husband and my life for the last four years has been hell. It's not worth it!
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