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HI. I'm 19 and i go to college in fl. ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years. this past year we have been long distance because he is in the marine corps and stationed in NC. We want to get married and everyone thinks we are crazy. How do i know if im doing the right thing?
Whats the hurry? Why not focus on school now and get it over with so when your man comes back from his tour you will be in a position to start marraige from a position of stability. By the way what is his timetable for getting married?
I think 19 is terribly young. Even though you practically lived at each others house while in school,it is a big difference when you have your own place,pay your own bills,buy groceries,etc,It is a big adtustment to learn that there is always someone else there that you have to think of, their needs as opposed to yours,their wants,.You have to learn to compromise,You may be perfect for each other,but to me it would seem hard to have a long distance marriage before I even learned how marriage is,What to expect etc. I think I would wait until things are more settled.
Not to offend your argument s_cianci but if you are talking about financial stability and real-income i think you completely got your wrong foot here. Who knows she can do entertainment profession, modeling or acting. Those really pays more than any white-collar here. When I met my 3rd bf at 22 he was already making 90k. So please before you make a really good argument. I would try considering other things before making it a factual note.
well.
look where you are with your bf now.
hes with another person, and youre left with an appetite for a life of luxury that isnt being fulfilled. boo hoo.
you mentioned that im not an optimistic person in my earlier post. you are so clueless. optimism and realism are not necessarily conflicting viewpoints. and if you really read my post, you would have seen that even though i said id probably advise waiting, one of my best friends was married to his first love and have a great life.
hes with another person, and youre left with an appetite for a life of luxury that isnt being fulfilled. boo hoo.
you mentioned that im not an optimistic person in my earlier post. you are so clueless. optimism and realism are not necessarily conflicting viewpoints. and if you really read my post, you would have seen that even though i said id probably advise waiting, one of my best friends was married to his first love and have a great life.
what makes you think my 3rd bf was a model? he was UNIX engineer and the only reason I left coz he has issues. And just to make this clear. My last bf was my 5th long term. You just don't seem to understand that it has nothing to do with money. Also I'll point out your logic from your own language.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kp2171
married to his first love and have a great life.
considering this boyl is her first love. I'd mentioned also in my other post that it's quite helpful to marry the first person you love the most because you have set your boundaries and his in a very narrow manner. Hope you see the logic.
well all i can say is i just got married a month or so ago. i love it im only 20 but some days i kinda regret it because we different we lived together for a year, but seemed arguing about small things increased as wedding got closer part that stress form her family, but i do wish we woulda lived together for another year beforehand, my family including great great gramma said live together at least one year. we did, i recommond 1.5-2 years, may seem like long time but by then the marriage itself wont be such a drastic chanfe and youll know allot better how you can handle each otehr without other people in house doing cleaning that you guys mayy not notice doesnt get done. we had that prob really bad, and now we struggle to try and make things fair in that regard, also getting see each other everyday in own place allot dif then when in someone elses as we found when we moved outta my moms. if its meant to be itll last and youll know when the time is right. good luck in your endeavers, and i hope everythign works out well for you.
good advice. marriage can be great, and it is work.
hang in there. the stress before the wedding was normal... my wife HATED being engaged, she just wanted to be married, which led to our decision to skip the big formal and in a 2 week period we planned a wedding "vacation" with just a few family and friends, and then had a big party for the rest of the family and friends when we got home. it was a great idea. she hated the stess of the planning.
dont be discouraged because you are young... despite most of the posts here (including mine) that say sometimes its better to wait a bit, that doesnt mean you did anything youll regret. it means you might go through some of the normal strains of a relationship while you are married... which just means you dont blame the marriage for the "problems".... you recognize it as the normal bumps in the road, youre just a little more limited on your ability to get some space at times. and some of the problems are tied to simply your getting older... even though we're "adults" at 18yrs legally in the US, theres still a lot of wiring going on in most peoples minds for several more years. so some of the strains might be you still getting to know and define yourself.
the first two years of my marriage had some unexpected bumps... all things that you can work through, but things you just arent expecting so soon... and things you might work through if you are together longer, living together. so it happens.
my advice - 1) be nice to each other, 2) talk about everything and 3) give each other some space.
being nice sounds corny and something a 2nd grader needs told, but in some of the marriages ive seen fall apart, the couples were just not kind to each other. even when you fight, try to be respectful.
you dont need to overanalyze everything to death, but if you never plan that vacation, never plan how to get that house, it wont happen or will be harder than it needs to be. my wife and i managed money fine enough early on, but we really didnt work as a team and take charge of our money and investments until a few years in. im sure being a little lazy cost us thousands of dollars and time. same thing with vacations, trips, even dates sometimes. talk about the things you want to do, and plan to make them happen. you might very well be doing this anyway. again, my wife and i didnt always plan things out well enough and then would look up and realize that weeks had passed without our accomplishing something we wanted to do. easy to get lost in the shuffle of everyday life.
and the part about having some space... again, you might be doing this already. but dont be so wrapped up in the marriage that either of you lose yourself completely. you both have friends to keep in touch with. you both need some recharge time now and then by yourself to get centered. my wife has had an awful year, events outside the marriage, and i want her to take a week soon, go someplace warm, sunny, with big water and veg on the beach while a boy named raul brings her drinks. theres nothing wrong with needing some time to yourself, and i think it helps the relationship as long as you both are on board. you guys will find what is right for you in time.
thats a lot of writing and noise, when i just wanted to say hang in there, be nice to each other, have fun, and dont get too down when things get tough. and congradulations. its work that is worth it once youve made the committment.
Hi, I dated my husband 2 years before we got married. I was 19 and he was 21. People said that we were too young to get married and didn't think it would last past 2 years. I'am happy to say that after 15 years of marriage we are still happy and very much in love. Yes in the beginning we had some hard times. That's because we were getting to know each other. If you and your boyfriend really love each other and want to get married I say go for it. Don't let anyones negative thinking stop you from doing what you want to do. Good luck! Keep us posted![/b][/b][/color]
Well said mysticque.. although i may agree with s_ciani on the waiting part.. it would be in her better interest to take care of herself first, however it sounds some what derogatory to conclude that she would have no real chance of building an education and/or getting a better job if she got married now. It is possible to have the love and support of a husband who encourages her to go to school...
Also, though it's common anymore since more and more women are working outside of the house hold, some women (not all) would like to be a stay at home wife and take care of the household.
Guess what you know you are not doing the right thing because you have asked the question...have you seen the world yet...he will...have you live on your own yet ...he has...he got a job with a future...do you...you will be home with the children...while he would be on the job with the Uncle Sam ...a soldiers' wife life is a lonely life...you are tooo young to be a home...there is just so much cleaning you can do in your small apartment or townhouse that was built in the 1960's...yeah...you are too young to get married...
I came across your post and almost laughed. I am in the exact same situation, although I have lived with my boyfriend for a year now. I think you should do whatever feels right to you. If it means getting married then do it. But remember to keep your own personal goals, such as finishing college, in tact and not to put them on hold. My opinion is just don't have kids until later. Then if things don't work out, you won't be putting children into that mess. Besides no one can be a better judge of your life than you.
jk jk
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